Where do I start... and where can I start?
I'll start with the game on Saturday... it was a confusing affair in so much as Rob Styles (in partnership with Howard Webb as the 4th official) didn't rob us blind - now those two names are enough to strike 'the fear' into most informed fans asking around "who's ref" and checking the back of the match-day programme during the warm up... and it was so with me. However - after a denied penalty (of which I expected to be denied) things took a turn our way in terms of decisions - was this a fair match or was Styles on our side? We even got a penalty for handball - what the fuck's going on?!? I couldn't tell... I suspect that once it became clear that Owen didn't have his scoring boots on that day they just let it go... cheers Owen for getting out of position, playing yourself offside and especially for the slapstick routine in front of goal - don't give up your day job eh... oh - on second thoughts do! It could be that there were no agendas being played out through the decisions of the officials... but no – it was Webb and Styles, something must have been going down – I just can't figure out what.
We played well and it was a great atmosphere in general - the singing was picking up a bit and their was a notable absence of boos for Adebayor... you all saw the game so what more can I say RvP opened his account, Nasri looked great again and showed us that he had a little fire in him with the Barton encounter after Jailbird Barton went in with a 'welcome to the premiership' tackle which could have, quite frankly, gone either way. One disappointment was that the home crowd weren't a bit more creative in terms of the piss taking - boo's and jeers are one thing (I suspect he's the type who loves being the pantomime villain) but what would have been better would have been 55,000 voices enquiring in unison if he got 'fucked in the showers'... try playing it all cool and moody to that if you can!
At half time the camera panned to Mike Ashley downing a pint in 1 - I immediately found a steward and pointed to the screen and requested that he be ejected from the ground... he just laughed - but I was serious... it's one rule for one and one rule for another - it's ok, he's rich - let him flout the rules that we, the home fans, have to abide by on pain of removal for the ground. On that note - free beers (and other alcoholic beverages) are freely available in club level during Champions League fixtures but absent from pleb level... why is that? Oh yeah - if there was no free beer up there then nobody would turn up!
Nicky Butt re-enforced my opinion that he is a talentless shit-kicking cunt throughout the match - if Eboue hadn't been taken off when he did I reckon he would have given it some back... and probably got sent off in the process - thus incurring the misplaced wrath of the fan-base once more. Eboue had a great match and I reiterate my hope that he is indeed going to go and silence his critics this season.
I could go through and praise individual and team performance - but let's face facts... we were playing Newcastle and they are shit. All praise to Gallas who showed what it is to be a captain by getting in Keegan's face as he tried to bollock Nasri... Keegan looked old, like an old tramp... and confused. Also fair play to Eboue for consoling the rather startled Keegan as he helped him find his way back down the tunnel – at the time I fondly imagined him sticking the boot in with Gallas and Nasri 'clockwork orange' style and nicking his pension-book and can of 'White Ace' cider when out of sight of the cameras.
So - now I've started; where do I finish?
It's been a funny few days in the world of the funny old game... Sky Sports News were informing me every five minutes that Kevin Keegan may or may not have been sacked, and, in the same breath letting me know the odds that SkyBet were offering on his replacement. There were interviews with disillusioned toons carefully picked from the many available by the producer to match the Sky agenda of how they were playing the story and what they believe the fans should be thinking:
"We all knew Kevin would go and Wise would take over when Wise came in" - says one as we are informed in the right hand window that Wise was odds-on on Skybet.
"We need some of that there oil money" - exclaims another.
"Ashley out!" - chant a group.
It reminded me of the kind of media that is spun up when a shit film comes out that is universally slated by the critics and they want to sell it somehow... so they collar some pissed-up tossers leaving the cinema and poke a camera in their face and ask "so how good was the film then? You'll get on telly!" in the hope acquiring an unguarded beer-pickled soundbite that can be broadcast under the guise of 'see the film that everyone is talking about' (cue anecdote).
Anecdotal opinion is this context is always cherry picked and therefore utterly worthless.
Up until deadline day Toon dreams were as misplaced as City dreams... alas City did get the 'oil money'.
"40 years of loyalty are about to be repaid" - wanks Gallagher.
"On the last day, Chelsea made me a great proposal and I accepted it" - splutters Robinho.
"You mean Manchester right?" - corrects a reporter.
"Yeah, Manchester, sorry!" - answers Robinho (do you think he knew it was City and not United?).
"Robinho needs counselling after rejecting Chelsea for Man City" - reckons Pele... but what the fuck does Pele know about 'English' football – I also remember him saying: "I like Butt" *fnar fnar* during some failed England campaign or other...
"Are you a supporter of Manchester City?" – Enquires a reporter.
"I… err – oh yes I support them now of course" – Remembers Al-Fahim that it was a team called 'Manchester City' that his outfit bought and makes a mental note to remember that name in future. If I was the reporter I would have asked him to name 3 current players rather than letting him reel off a shopping list of 'big names' off the top of his head...
So it's clear then, in case you didn't know – the shit club that nobody gives a shit about has just won the lottery and is now surrounded by sycophants just itching for a slice of the 'bottomless pit of cash'. Thaskin whored them out, as predicted, but they got the Richard Gear/Pretty Woman 'trick' of their dreams.
Mark Hughes bangs on about how jealous we all are... well the toons certainly displayed 'envy' but not jealousy; but I doubt that anyone, not even Keegan, would be envious of Mark Hughes' position as manager. Shall we have a sweepstake as to when he get replaced by someone decent? Keep your head down son and you may get a job cleaning the bogs in the away end when the dust settles on this one.
As an Arsenal fan things look particularly bleak... let me explain – ADUG buys City and spunk as much cash and influence into 'winning' something as they can... DIC, not to be outdone, will snap up Liverpool and do the same... ADUG and DIC have great fun with their shiny new toys in what is essentially a 'who has the biggest cock' competition.
Liverpool and Manchester City will now be the new 'Power Teams' in England... so – that leaves Chelsea and Manchester United to slug it out in terms of power and influence for what's left. That's the top four sewn up then... and it will have absolutely nothing to do with management, team or individual player performance.
"If manager wants then we buy them, 140 million - ok" – smarms Al-Fahim.
Arsenal will not win a thing... UEFA cup here we come and why? After all we have the best manager and we have the best team that combines among the best individual talent there is – but the real truth of the matter is that this has got nothing to do with the modern game.
Football isn't football anymore. Football has died. Football is broken!
On top of this The Joker informs me that the Uzbek manifestation of Jabba the Hutt is waiting to make his move and force a takeover of Arsenal.
Check him out: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007/nov/19/russia.football
Nice guy eh?
Anyway – the format is to shunt us into the realms of 'mid table' this season so we, as fans, demand (like the idiot toons on Sky Sports News) a bit of billionaire 'investment' to make our dreams come true! And you know what... I reckon it'll work – "at least we might win something now" the new breed will desperately cry as the last dregs of soul are ripped out of our game... they are missing the point!
This transfer window, by my reckoning, we made a profit of about three and a half million (thanks to Wenger knowing the true price of talent and our youth policy - with regards to sell-on clauses). Man City's have just announced that they are effectively scrapping their youth policy as surplus to requirements as you don't need to develop players when you can just buy them... so maybe in the future we will have a role to play in 'world football'. Maybe, if we don't take the Uzbek Sum we can transform ourselves into the best god damn 'selling club' there is!
After all anything is better than joining the soap opera of what is now termed 'football'... in this 'Global Phenomenon' it could be the only way to keep it relatively 'real'.
Until that day I will continue to go through the match day routine... I'll wear the scarf and sing the songs; but for me – it is the routine of one who visits a beloved old Alzheimers ridden uncle or grand parent. Every other week I'll pop in to say hello - the core fans will drift away, disillusioned or die leaving the empty seats left in the wake of their lost knowledge and history to be filled with the vacuous new breed of white collar clowns - I'll be there for the good times and bad while, barring a miricle cure, my team slowly forgets who I am... and indeed who they are themselves.
I'll start with the game on Saturday... it was a confusing affair in so much as Rob Styles (in partnership with Howard Webb as the 4th official) didn't rob us blind - now those two names are enough to strike 'the fear' into most informed fans asking around "who's ref" and checking the back of the match-day programme during the warm up... and it was so with me. However - after a denied penalty (of which I expected to be denied) things took a turn our way in terms of decisions - was this a fair match or was Styles on our side? We even got a penalty for handball - what the fuck's going on?!? I couldn't tell... I suspect that once it became clear that Owen didn't have his scoring boots on that day they just let it go... cheers Owen for getting out of position, playing yourself offside and especially for the slapstick routine in front of goal - don't give up your day job eh... oh - on second thoughts do! It could be that there were no agendas being played out through the decisions of the officials... but no – it was Webb and Styles, something must have been going down – I just can't figure out what.
We played well and it was a great atmosphere in general - the singing was picking up a bit and their was a notable absence of boos for Adebayor... you all saw the game so what more can I say RvP opened his account, Nasri looked great again and showed us that he had a little fire in him with the Barton encounter after Jailbird Barton went in with a 'welcome to the premiership' tackle which could have, quite frankly, gone either way. One disappointment was that the home crowd weren't a bit more creative in terms of the piss taking - boo's and jeers are one thing (I suspect he's the type who loves being the pantomime villain) but what would have been better would have been 55,000 voices enquiring in unison if he got 'fucked in the showers'... try playing it all cool and moody to that if you can!
At half time the camera panned to Mike Ashley downing a pint in 1 - I immediately found a steward and pointed to the screen and requested that he be ejected from the ground... he just laughed - but I was serious... it's one rule for one and one rule for another - it's ok, he's rich - let him flout the rules that we, the home fans, have to abide by on pain of removal for the ground. On that note - free beers (and other alcoholic beverages) are freely available in club level during Champions League fixtures but absent from pleb level... why is that? Oh yeah - if there was no free beer up there then nobody would turn up!
Nicky Butt re-enforced my opinion that he is a talentless shit-kicking cunt throughout the match - if Eboue hadn't been taken off when he did I reckon he would have given it some back... and probably got sent off in the process - thus incurring the misplaced wrath of the fan-base once more. Eboue had a great match and I reiterate my hope that he is indeed going to go and silence his critics this season.
I could go through and praise individual and team performance - but let's face facts... we were playing Newcastle and they are shit. All praise to Gallas who showed what it is to be a captain by getting in Keegan's face as he tried to bollock Nasri... Keegan looked old, like an old tramp... and confused. Also fair play to Eboue for consoling the rather startled Keegan as he helped him find his way back down the tunnel – at the time I fondly imagined him sticking the boot in with Gallas and Nasri 'clockwork orange' style and nicking his pension-book and can of 'White Ace' cider when out of sight of the cameras.
So - now I've started; where do I finish?
It's been a funny few days in the world of the funny old game... Sky Sports News were informing me every five minutes that Kevin Keegan may or may not have been sacked, and, in the same breath letting me know the odds that SkyBet were offering on his replacement. There were interviews with disillusioned toons carefully picked from the many available by the producer to match the Sky agenda of how they were playing the story and what they believe the fans should be thinking:
"We all knew Kevin would go and Wise would take over when Wise came in" - says one as we are informed in the right hand window that Wise was odds-on on Skybet.
"We need some of that there oil money" - exclaims another.
"Ashley out!" - chant a group.
It reminded me of the kind of media that is spun up when a shit film comes out that is universally slated by the critics and they want to sell it somehow... so they collar some pissed-up tossers leaving the cinema and poke a camera in their face and ask "so how good was the film then? You'll get on telly!" in the hope acquiring an unguarded beer-pickled soundbite that can be broadcast under the guise of 'see the film that everyone is talking about' (cue anecdote).
Anecdotal opinion is this context is always cherry picked and therefore utterly worthless.
Up until deadline day Toon dreams were as misplaced as City dreams... alas City did get the 'oil money'.
"40 years of loyalty are about to be repaid" - wanks Gallagher.
"On the last day, Chelsea made me a great proposal and I accepted it" - splutters Robinho.
"You mean Manchester right?" - corrects a reporter.
"Yeah, Manchester, sorry!" - answers Robinho (do you think he knew it was City and not United?).
"Robinho needs counselling after rejecting Chelsea for Man City" - reckons Pele... but what the fuck does Pele know about 'English' football – I also remember him saying: "I like Butt" *fnar fnar* during some failed England campaign or other...
"Are you a supporter of Manchester City?" – Enquires a reporter.
"I… err – oh yes I support them now of course" – Remembers Al-Fahim that it was a team called 'Manchester City' that his outfit bought and makes a mental note to remember that name in future. If I was the reporter I would have asked him to name 3 current players rather than letting him reel off a shopping list of 'big names' off the top of his head...
So it's clear then, in case you didn't know – the shit club that nobody gives a shit about has just won the lottery and is now surrounded by sycophants just itching for a slice of the 'bottomless pit of cash'. Thaskin whored them out, as predicted, but they got the Richard Gear/Pretty Woman 'trick' of their dreams.
Mark Hughes bangs on about how jealous we all are... well the toons certainly displayed 'envy' but not jealousy; but I doubt that anyone, not even Keegan, would be envious of Mark Hughes' position as manager. Shall we have a sweepstake as to when he get replaced by someone decent? Keep your head down son and you may get a job cleaning the bogs in the away end when the dust settles on this one.
As an Arsenal fan things look particularly bleak... let me explain – ADUG buys City and spunk as much cash and influence into 'winning' something as they can... DIC, not to be outdone, will snap up Liverpool and do the same... ADUG and DIC have great fun with their shiny new toys in what is essentially a 'who has the biggest cock' competition.
Liverpool and Manchester City will now be the new 'Power Teams' in England... so – that leaves Chelsea and Manchester United to slug it out in terms of power and influence for what's left. That's the top four sewn up then... and it will have absolutely nothing to do with management, team or individual player performance.
"If manager wants then we buy them, 140 million - ok" – smarms Al-Fahim.
Arsenal will not win a thing... UEFA cup here we come and why? After all we have the best manager and we have the best team that combines among the best individual talent there is – but the real truth of the matter is that this has got nothing to do with the modern game.
Football isn't football anymore. Football has died. Football is broken!
On top of this The Joker informs me that the Uzbek manifestation of Jabba the Hutt is waiting to make his move and force a takeover of Arsenal.
Check him out: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2007/nov/19/russia.football
Nice guy eh?
Anyway – the format is to shunt us into the realms of 'mid table' this season so we, as fans, demand (like the idiot toons on Sky Sports News) a bit of billionaire 'investment' to make our dreams come true! And you know what... I reckon it'll work – "at least we might win something now" the new breed will desperately cry as the last dregs of soul are ripped out of our game... they are missing the point!
This transfer window, by my reckoning, we made a profit of about three and a half million (thanks to Wenger knowing the true price of talent and our youth policy - with regards to sell-on clauses). Man City's have just announced that they are effectively scrapping their youth policy as surplus to requirements as you don't need to develop players when you can just buy them... so maybe in the future we will have a role to play in 'world football'. Maybe, if we don't take the Uzbek Sum we can transform ourselves into the best god damn 'selling club' there is!
After all anything is better than joining the soap opera of what is now termed 'football'... in this 'Global Phenomenon' it could be the only way to keep it relatively 'real'.
Until that day I will continue to go through the match day routine... I'll wear the scarf and sing the songs; but for me – it is the routine of one who visits a beloved old Alzheimers ridden uncle or grand parent. Every other week I'll pop in to say hello - the core fans will drift away, disillusioned or die leaving the empty seats left in the wake of their lost knowledge and history to be filled with the vacuous new breed of white collar clowns - I'll be there for the good times and bad while, barring a miricle cure, my team slowly forgets who I am... and indeed who they are themselves.
"And it's Ar-sen-al, Arsenal FC, we're BY FAR the Greatest Team... the world has ever seen..."
