Well... I for one feel let down – I said 7-0 on aggregate Arsene; not 6-0 ffs, Bentner you're useless with 1 goal and 2 assists, call yourself a footballer! You're 20 years old, we expect more than that – you're having a fucking nightmare!
"C'mon Arsenal, C'mon Arsenal, C'mon Arsenal"
...Ahem...
Also, apart from a few media prompted bell-ends booing Adebayor, the biggest disappointment of the evening was when Liverpool spawned a late goal to effectively add 15 million to their transfer kitty... I wonder who they'll sign, oh actually – that's right, I don't care. Curse you Liverpool – we (myself and PieFace) had just bought a second pint and were gleefully looking forward to a penalty shootout and all the extreme close-ups of angst-ridden scouse faces, in particular the clawing fingers and the slow motion 'Nooooooooooooooooo' back-dropped to the image of a stunned Gerrard falling to his knees as the crucial spot kick skies into row n.
Broken dreams eh... that's Liverpool FC for you!
Still, as we lamented Liverpool's undeserved win – it gave us some conversation as to what the mornings back pages might bring us:
We both agreed that an image of Gerrard/Liverpool would make the back pages where as the Arsenal match would be on the inside.
We came up with the headline "Lucky Liverpool Leave it Late" as a possible contender.
PieFace reckoned that the papers would be scathing of the Liverpool performance where as I reckoned that they wouldn't... except for the Guardian who would probably tell it how it was. We had a bet on how the Sun would play the story, mine was for them to cast Liverpool as the chirpy lovable scousers who managed to show their 'class' against a plucky Belgium lot in a bid to gain some media territory into Merseyside. PieFace reckoned that the knives would be out: ________________________________________ From: DogFace Sent: 28 August 2008 10:03 To: PieFace Subject: RE: Scathing? Dah – The Sun is my most hated paper… even Everton fans won't buy The Sun after Hillsborough – a close second is the Daily Mail – The Metro is a watered down Evening Standard which is, in turn, a diluted Daily Mail. Fair play to the Metro though for sticking in a well deserved boot.
________________________________________ From: PieFace Sent: 28 August 2008 09:55 To: DogFace Subject: RE: Scathing? Your favourite paper the Metro was quite scathing this morning - adjectives like "stuttering" and "misfiring" and acknowledging that Liverpool were lucky to get to extra time.
The Sun report is a disgrace to journalism - you were right - a pathetic pandering to try and win back their scouse readership. Doomed to failure; they might as well have the headline: LIVERPOOOL: W&NKERS. After Hillsborough Liverpool fans will despise The Sun till they die. ________________________________________ From: DogFace Sent: 28 August 2008 09:23 To: PieFace Subject: Scathing?
The back pages read "Gerrard injured and misses England qualifiers"... whatever. ________________________________________
Anyway – on to last night's match! It was a really good game from an Arsenal perspective – the officials didn't get involved in it much and we seemed to be back in form with the return of Cesc... Walcott looked comfortable on the wing again and scored very pretty goal. Eboue even behaved himself! I did notice that McClaren came with the inspired tactic of all shit teams against Arsenal i.e. "They don't like it up 'em" and there was a lot of unnecessary physicality against a few key players in an attempt to unsettle our flow – in particular RvP who, being Dutch, they recognised and all took turns to kick a lump out of... if truth be told I think that they succeeded in breaking his concentration – take a moment and count to 10 Robin! Cesc, as ever, took it all in his stride and didn't even react to the swipes and barges – this I think wound them up and broke their concentration and they soon left him alone... partly because he has the ability and grace to effortlessly make the physical players look like something from a Sunday league pub team – which is not a great career move when you are out playing and trying to get yourself 'noticed' by the money squads. There was a lot of criticism of Bentner going around... some of it fair I suppose – but the fans were definitely on self-destruct mode with this one – admittedly, at times it looked as if Senderos had grown his hair and had a bit of plastic surgery and thought to himself "I'll have a crack at being a striker this season." – but overall he doesn't need or deserve the shit he got. Bentner is young and he lacks confidence when the spotlight is on him, so telling him that he's shit isn't going to help the situation... he also desperately needs to do some work on his first touch as it makes him look out of his depth as a player when he fucks it up so badly. Nasri, again, looked fantastic... Hleb who? He cracked me up when he scored and ran towards the away section to celebrate before looking up into the humourless faces of 5000 hardcore Dutch and toning it down somewhat – the other corner Nasri you muppet! What a signing he's looking to be – he's only played a few games and already he's left me picking up my jaw... can you imagine a full strength squad firing on all cylinders:
With plenty of other options to suit in RvP, Rosicky, Bentner, Eboue and Denielson and the youth players coming through – I think that the core squad is awesome! So... do we really need another signing and why do I keep hearing from the fans that we need to 'spend big' to win anything? If anything we need some useful utility players who can make up the numbers.
I'm looking forward more to the Newcastle encounter now... and shouting moderate abuse at Owen if he comes near me (as he'll be out to impress with the England qualifiers coming up). Although it is on Sky so I'm expecting some dodgyness – does anyone know who the ref is?
PS - Whoever came up with the "You're going home to have some dinner" chant for the fans leaving early I salute you - very funny.
I know it's wrong - but I had a flick through the Metro today as someone left it in the crapper at work... it reminded me why I steer clear of the papers and I appologise for inflicting my rant upon you. Anyway - a column by Mark Bright caught my eye and this pretty much wrote itself whilst I was defecating:
"Quite often when making my way around London, black men will walk up to me, touch knuckles and use one word; respect."
Yes – don't be surprised if a few more 'black men' walk up to you and 'touch knuckles' more often after peddaling this self serving mildy ironic regressive fucking stereotype... just what is the point of that statement?
"It's a small word that means so much."
Actually context is everything, without it words have no meaning and coming out of your mouth in the form of an empty platitude it's a pretty fucking worthless word to me... the context I will attempt to acertain and define below:
"In the black community it's regarded as high accolade for achieving something."
Tell me more of this thriving 'black community' of which you speak; obviously you are clearly qualified to speak for 'them' by the mere fact of being 'black'... My local 'black community' is far more fragmented than this middle class, middle age whitewash nonsense phraseology pertaining to urban/inner city multiculturalism. For a start even though you chase and crave 'celebrity status' and go so far as to have your shit eating grin posted next to your column in the metro - the Nigerians and the Somalians wouldn't have a clue who you are/were and would certainly not engage in that 'epitome of disneyesque blacksploitation gesture' that you describe... besides - where is your house located on the local estate – or is it rather an estate in the country or somewhere similar i.e. as far away from the 'black community' as it is possible to be I wonder? But wait just one god damn cotton picking minute here – what does 'blackness' have to do with the point that you are clearly struggling to make?
"So I was delighted to take part in the Football Association's Respect campaign video this summer."
Hang on… how did we get from 'achieving something'; presumably 'righteous' or of spiritual worth for 'your people' (from the hackneyed fore-quote) to appearing in an apologist propaganda short for the premiership match officials? Am I supposed to make some kind of mental association here – I must be missing something?!
"Images of players confronting officials have put footballers to shame compared to the behaviour of rugby players. Don't get me wrong, in my playing days I've been party to it."
For one – these emotive 'images' you are referring to are in the media to push an agenda of which you are clearly complicit with – what they certainly don't do is provide an in-depth investigation into the problems in the professional game. For two - rugby players have the video referee, 'open miked' officials, the right to appeal decisions and regulations in place to ensure a more meritorial standard of officialdom and therefore don't get repeatedly robbed by the incompetent & often corrupt twats in the black... oh I see now – black = respect; I found the association - we 'keepin it real' now right? Oh shit – I hate the referees... does that make me a racialist? Maybe I should keep my opinions to myself before I get accused of a hate crime!
"Seeing how the top players from big clubs influenced referees, it was a case of, well, if you can't beat them, join them."
So obeying the referee's without question when you feel the injustice of outrageously biased decisions is going to make it all better is it? I for one am drawing some uncomfortable parallels here with regards to the 'black community' and the enforcers of the law... btw - the "if you can't beat them join them" statement speaks volumes for your personality.
"Hundreds of grass-root leagues, where the problem is possibly at its worst, are signing up to the campaign. I'm told 7,000 referees leave the game every year and with only 24,000 thousand in total, the figures speak for themselves."
Yes they do and I'm not surprised at these figures given that the worst referees get promoted to the highest levels and when the readily available technology to enhance/enforce the accuracy of their decisions if shunned at every turn – this might also explain some of the incredulity that you describe coming from players from the non 'big clubs' and the lower leagues – the lack of respect for the officials in England is purely and simply because our highest ranking officials in England are incompetent buffoons... how well does this speak of the rest of the refereeing fraternity in general, to the general public and players, and what possible 'respect' can it ever hope to foster? Lack of respect for the officials is not an 'attitude problem' with the fans, managers and the players it is a clear and obvious problem with regards to the lack of regulation within the industry and the characters that an environment that is wide open to corruption will attract.
"The message could not be any clearer. Change or the game will cease to exist at grass-roots level. Starting with the Premier League players was the key, if they can do it when millions of pounds are at stake then it should filter down to the grass-roots. In week two of the new Premier League season we have only had one red card."
So… 2 + 2 = 17? Gotcha!
"I know it's early in the season to say it's worked, but it's a start. Respect has nothing to do with money, class, or colour; the dictionary says it's about consideration and honour. That's the least we can show the officials."
Hey, here's a word or phrase that you can look up in your dictionary: "Uncle Tom" you apologist patronising cunt - trying to spin that shit you spout into the realm of political correctness. Is there nothing fucking sacred or would you, as I suspect, sell your nan at the right price – after all, you just sold 'your race' and 'your game' wholesale and I doubt that you'll get much in the way of 'respect' for it from anyone! Here's a money spinner for you - why not release a video and write a column for the Metro(politan) Police about how fucking great Stop and Search powers are!
I didn't see the game so I can't pretend to have an informed opinion about it... seeing MOTD highlights doesn't count either (seeing it 'live' on television also doesn't count for much unless you turn the sound off) – I was away at the outlaws in the shires engaging in polite conversation and my other hobby, hunting – however, under the guise of 'fixing' the brother out-laws computer I did manage to get a stream off the internet, a quality one too – for about 5-10 minutes in the first half before I had to go off and help Sophia ride a pony called Harry. After that I dialed in the rifle for the evening... the new ammunition I got is awesome, in terms of consistency, and worked well in my already excellent hand made British rifle and I, for a bet with the father out-law, got the queen in the eye on a five pence piece from 35 meters with one shot... Adebayor and RvP take note - consistency and accuracy are the most important factors when it comes to shooting - but I digress... besides, hitting a static target in training with good light and low wind will never fully prepare you for the hunt proper – you have to really understand an animal in all aspects of its environment before you can successfully hunt and cleanly kill it... pinging pennies is for children.
Oh yeah – and to all you idiots out there who place hunting in the same category as kiddie fiddling (while happily eating intensively farmed meat of the worst kind) – consider this: the only meat I eat is game i.e. wild + free and the only game I eat is game that I have hunted myself. I have not eaten farmed/processed meat for over 17 years... you want the truth about animal welfare then go and check out a battery chicken farm – it will open your eyes and then some. Hunting i.e. violence is innate in every one of us... cruelty is not.
Back to football and the match - the bit I saw was Sagna breaking down the right to get stamped on and dispossessed by a Fulham player (the commentator gave a shocked 'slightly late tackle' platitude for the blatant foul before reassuring us that the ref got it right) – Sagna went down feverishly checking his metatarsals and Fulham hoofed it into touch; we were a goal down by this stage – so I don't know what happened there. Needless to say my opinion from this short window was that Atkinson was a wanker – or far too open to persuasion from the home crowd (who were, fair play to them, getting right behind their team). I think Fulham are a vastly underrated team, and I even had cash down on a draw... I should have layed but I was being greedy. Fulham were the only team to get a worse deal than us at the hands of the officials last season and were probably robbed in the region of 20 points, all things considered. The Fulham fans however... well – I know a few and they are deep in denial about all this, they blame themselves, the manager and the team. My mate Markey-C is a Fulham fan and reckoned that they had a couple of bad calls last season and 'it all evens out' – this pre-programmed 'opinion', as I have stated before, has no foundation whatsoever and is the drone of the witless moron... listen for it, it is usually pre or post fixed by the phase: 'at the end of the day' – put the two together and you will have either:
A fan so confused that he has no opinion whatsoever.
A talking head smugly yanking the wool over a fans eyes whilst pouring bullshit in his ear.
Markey-C went to the final match against Portsmouth and was in rapture to avoid relegation... he reckoned it was the best match he had ever attended. I would have been furious and demanding answers. I would have been 'egging' the referee (free range organic) and waving a banner. I would have been instigating a riot.
Anyway - after we got the throw in and Sanga had recovered we were duty bound by 'fair play' to return the ball – we did, but it was passed back into touch around about the point where Sanga got stamped on. The Fulham fans broke into a chorus of:
"Same old Arsenal – always cheating"
Both for the foul which was now a 'dive' in the eyes of the Fulham fan and the subsequent play back into the corner... I would have expected more from the Fulham fans – they, after all, have had some harsh lessons of late but seemed to have learned nothing whatsoever. This is the nature of football and the fan – the fans are not a union, they are a collection of mobs or gangs and it is utterly tribal. Football, on the other hand, is a sport – a beautiful sport that is currently being pinned down and raped by the money men in conjunction with the media and the bookmaking industries. It is being destroyed and the fans just sit their and gloat when decisions go in their favour to swing the result towards that which is most profitable or in the interests of the agendas of the relevant interested parties... after all – it all evens out at the end of the day doesn't it?
Don't get me wrong – from what I saw we were having an off day and I don't begrudge Fulham three points as, fuck knows, they deserve them. The Joker reckons that they got mugged last season for political reasons relating to the Al Fayad court case over his sons' death – and the only reason that they weren't relegated was because he dropped the case in the face of extreme indifference from the establishment... I don't know about that – but I wouldn't rule it out. He also reckons that Pantsil should have got a straight red for the foul on Eboué – but, like Arsené, I didn't see it. I hope that this 'off day' is not the confirmation of my fears that the team has had its spirit broken... this is, after all, a London derby at the start of the season so why weren't we more up for it?
Talking of Arsené not seeing it – he, and all managers, can't see much this season due to the removal of the replay screens from the dugout as a mark of 'respect' for the incompetent twat in the black and his henchmen... really – just what the fuck is going on? Get on with the game? Get on with the corruption of the game is more to the point! Is anyone actually buying this nonsense – is anyone actually believing their eyes anymore?
Competitive sport is a thing of beauty – it is as close to the truth of a particular aspect of the human condition as you can experience without brutality... it is abstract brutality and truly tribal in concept and execution. Alas – I don't think we'll be seeing very much of a competition this season – there are too many tourists, too many leeches and too few people willing to tell the truth... it is becoming re-brutalised on the abstract level!
Have we truly become the Orwellian proles; ignorant, distracted and too involved in our own petty rivalries to consider that the thing we hold most dear, the thing that gives our sport it's most sacred relevance, is being looted and sold by the dirty and small minded? How did we get lulled into just going along with 'popular opinion', which – after all is just the proclamations of the talking heads and their paymasters, as if they are the 'experts'. We trust that power and money comes to the most deserving. We assume that the people in charge have our best interests at heart and are sympathetic and understanding to our culture... Here's the truth - they are not, rewards come to those least deserving in business, politics and now, it seems, football – we, the fans of this game, are the true experts and we should make our voice heard... instead we are the chickens in a battery farm caught in the thrall of the money machine - sometimes I really do want to start a riot; a slow burning, abstract metaphysical sort of riot which will purge the system from within – but I don't know how and I can't yet find the spark I need.
In the mean time I will keep my eyes open and try my hardest to hold the integrity of the game over and above the support for my team. It's going to be hard, especially when Tottenham are involved – but it's the only way...
*Arsenal News*
Here's some of the stuff you already knew; there's been some ins and outs: Senderos off to AC Milan and Silvestre from Manu... I don't know what the new team is going to look like but things are being shaken up – Eboué, it seems, is now centre mid and Touré is looking to find a role somewhere in midfield too... where as Silvestre is our new centre back with Gallas? I'm not sure I entirely 'get it' and I don't rate Silvestre much – please don't tell me that this is the 'big signing' we've been promised – but I suppose that's why I'm not a football manager... I'm looking forward to see how it pans out though – I'm sure the game against FC Twente tomorrow will give scope for some tweaking and an insight as to the future dynamic of play.
Well I was right about the score... but not about the mechanism for arriving at that score. It's started early this season – or maybe I'm just more tuned to it.
Saturday was amusing in so much as I got ratted on the free beer and was shouting abuse at a certain Mr. Howard Webb from club level. Surprisingly – after a few shocked looks – a few of the corporate boys (also enjoying the hospitality) got us and started shouting stuff too... although it was mostly random crap, but amusing none the less. The chap next to me got up and shouted:
"Adebayor you fucking lazy... err... you're so waseful!"
A 'Big Ron' moment followed by beered-up corporate twat flying over the barrier and into 'Red Section' was thus swerved by a mere whisker.
Talking of Adebayor (and Red Section) – I was glad to hear the boys in Orange Quadrant giving him the benefit of the doubt and cheering him on... strangely this never made it onto Match Of The Day – instead a close up of Adebayor was shown with loud booing from the crowd – the commentator saying something along the lines about the Arsenal fans hating him. This is nonsense – if he did receive boos then they were inaudible from where I was sitting, there were a number of murmurs when he missed a sitter but nothing like the MOTD coverage (unless the boy on the mixing desk selected 1 particular microphone and cranked it up). The only major boos coming from the crowd were for the certain 'Mr. Howard Webb' – who was up to his old tricks once again. I suspect that this was the soundtrack that was played – or the producer flipped the camera at Adebayor when the boos for Webb rang out and the commentator just went along with it. Are we to be targeted yet again or was this just to make 'good television' – it certainly had nothing to do with the reality of the day... maybe this sort of thing goes on for all teams and it's not just us?
Before I get on to Howard Webb – I'm going to continue with MOTD. The coverage shown was, as I said, selective – and the post match analysis consisted of Alan Hansen going on about how good Chelsea and Manchester United are in comparison with the associated they-don't-stand-a-chance-isms relating to Arsenal's chances of winning the league – what about the game Hansen?
...Back to Webb and the game...
It started well and Nasri looked very good indeed – he scored at the point when I was trying to work out what the fuck Eboue was doing playing centre mid with Walcott on the right (and what was going on with Toure coming on as a sub and playing right midfield?). He (Nasri) impressed throughout – Walcott did not look comfortable... Eboue was quite good – he’s a flexible player... I know he sticks the boot in and dives occasionally but on the whole I like him and I think he will silence his critics this season – he’s tricky init... and the boot, when stuck in, is usually a sly retaliation to an earlier indiscretion on an Arsenal team mate. When Bergkamp threw in the sneaky elbow nobody complained... neither did they with an occasional Vierra hack – although Eboue is clearly no Bergkamp or Vierra.
The first goal was scored so early because West Brom, fair play to them, fancied a bit of a game – who’d have thought it; straight up from the championship and trying to out pass the Arsenal!?
Respect.
We were very easy on them for the rest of the half and eased off the pressure considerably. The second half was a different story – West Brom came out thinking they were in with a chance and Howard Webb gave them every opportunity. They got away with foul after foul (nothing malicious) where as we got nothing unless we were breaking forward and tearing them to shreds... Webb’s whistle would come out and we would have to bring the ball back while West Brom dragged their arses back in time to defend. What is all the ‘get on with the game’ initiative all about anyway when the ref can destroy the run of play with a clear bias and the team affected can’t even complain about it? It was panic stations whenever they got close to our goal as everyone could see Webb fingering his whistle – it was horrible to watch as an Arsenal fan as the players daren’t try and take the ball back and were left just waiting for the shot... they came close a couple of times too.
Howard Webb is a fucking joke – he was an embarrassment in Euro 2008 and he is a professional liability to the refereeing fraternity… like most of the other premiership referee’s – it’s part of the job description: “must be incompetent”.
So - what was McClaren thinking of... and more (or less) importantly – what were the Setanta commentators on about (see: 'the seven shades of shite'). I'm reliably informed that they were banging on about Arsenal being the shadow of the team who smashed a hole in AC Milan last season – yeah, well *whatever* – this is FC Tewnte and quite frankly we're going to do what we always do against shit teams, Colonel_Dekker from the Facebook A.S.I. puts it far better than I could:
"To be fair it was similar to when we play a lower league team in the Cup. All blood and thunder for 60min then they start blowing out of thier arses, Bang Bang....Goodnight vienna!
Lots of players out, Djourou was excellent last night.......really really good!
I think Big Willie put it in with well..................his willy. They all count. Just hope he gets the fist pump out sooner rather than later. "
i.e. pimp stance, glock-glock – game over.
Predictably the English media didn't let us down with it's assessment that 'Arsenal are shit' either... we unconvincingly won 2-0 in the first (away) leg with a shocking, shoddy performance apparently. Hello, 2-0? We're playing nobodies in a noddy qualifier and we have a game at the weekend – what do you fucking expect? 2-0 with minimum effort is exactly what I expect.
The Dutch commentator (I'm also reliably informed from a Dutchman) had a more balanced half time assessment, that being that Arsenal were playing with their foot off the gas – but would probably put their foot down in the second half to close the game out. Well read my son... although – you didn't have to be a genius, just have eyes that were open.
I watched the game on some crumby stream on the internet which, bizarrely, is easier to connect to and watch that my now cancelled Setanta subscription... although the team did resemble lego-men at times, I could still just about follow it... was that Eboue, no – it's Van Persie, oh hang on that was Walcott?!
Walcott looked good – he was all over the place and run them ragged. Gallas go the opener too and cock-poked it home from a free kick – they all count, but that one counted more than most. Gallas is the nuts, and anyone who can't see that can fuck off and do the Sun soduko puzzle.
So anyway – what was McClaren thinking of? Surely you just shut up shop and pray for a second leg fluke don't you? Away goal? Etc?
No matter – the 7-0 aggregate score is still on the cards. Cheers Steve.
Talking of which – I expect West Brom to come out tomorrow wanting a draw... every point is gold dust to them so a point against us would be a major coup - I'm looking forward to it but I doubt that it's going to be entertaining footie. Let's hope for the early goal (from us) to force them out to attack a bit.
My prediction Arsenal by a goal.
Tomorrow I sit in club level - my ticket has gone to a good cause as my brother couldn't make it and Iraqi_Ali wanted to take his 10 y/o nephew to his first Arsenal match - a first for them both... Ali reckons he's a gooner but that is a throw back to avoid getting beaten up at school - his nephew is definately a gooner, as his poster filled room attests... so he can set him straight on who's who - they can have our tickets and sit together.
It's going to be a suprise - Ali is going to pick him up and tell him that he needs some help fixing a computer in North London... as I live near the stadium he's going to have to sit with gooners on the tube all the way down. He's going to fucking flip when I hand him the ticket!
What makes it all the sweeter is that his younger (8 y/o) brother is a glory boy Manure fan - so I hope it gets rubbed in good and proper when he gets home.
"how can you say dat you is a fan if you never went to a match? Manchester United - you live in Southwick for fucks sake - cha - you is a fool init!"
I will, as I said, be watching from club level having ponced a freebie ticket from work - so, I'll be singing:
"I only came for the free beer!"
At the top of my lungs to the dismay of the few stuffed shirts that could be bothered to turn up for this low-kudos 'jolly'... Ironically I will be the tourist, and as the mighty Jarvis once said:
'cos everybody hates a tourist
especially one who thinks
it's all such a laugh
Ahhh Javis; you are not Jesus - but you have the same initials...
So why do we go though all this shit again? Because it’s football that’s why... and it never ends!
The new season has just about landed and tomorrow we, the Arsenal, play Steve McClaren’s FC Twente in the Champions League qualifier... ok – well, so I was wrong about the draw... but Barcelona and Liverpool did alright out of it with Wisla Krakow and Standard Liege respectively – mind you, we can’t grumble with FC Twente away in the first leg either. This match is on Setanta... Setanta and I have a disagreement, not only because their commentators and pundits are fluent in the seven shades of shite but also because they, like most media disseminators these days, seem intent on screwing their core clientele for as much as they can get – although I won’t go into it much... well, ok – I’ll bitch on about it for 3 pages:
My Setanta Sports ‘subscription’ was purchased by phone (I think... like most people who sign up, I suspect, I was 'back from the pub' and witless so can't rightly remember) ‘just like that’ at £9.99 a month... I do not recall being informed of any issues regarding cancellation or surprise and un-agreed/unfair/unwarranted price rises being imposed on me without my consent. I originally got it as I assumed that I would get Arsenal TV – alas (see small print) not on freeview - and also for the boxing. The boxing coverage was nonsense – at the last minute before the Joe Calzaghe fight the stream was flipped to different, and ultra low bitrate, PPV channel that produced a very poor quality image. I imagine that this was some kind of paranoid media protectionist measure which had little or nothing to do with providing a service to their customers. I can imagine that a lot of people who tuned in late had the nasty experience of not being able to watch it having not listened to the mumbled instructions from the commentators beforehand.
I have also had major problems with my freeview setup – I have called the support line numerous times (I wonder how much they charged me for that?) as when I switched to Setanta Sports I got the message:
“The Channel is Scrambled or Unavailable”
This would then result in me calling the help line and switching my box to channel 5 for an hour before I could finally watch the last 15-20 minutes of whatever sporting event that I had paid good money for. Eventually – I worked out that I could get it working through a complicated series of channel hopping before switching the box off and on again. This worked on my box as long as you switched to Setanta on a regular basis. If you didn’t then the whole thing went wrong and locked me out again.
Recently this has even stopped working and I am getting the message:
“You are not entitled to watch this channel”
I have not been able to watch Setanta sports for the last 2 months (not that there was anything on there that I wanted to watch anyway).
Setanta then decided to charge me in Euros, then refunded me and charged me again – the upshot was that I got screwed by the exchange rate on the first erroneous transaction... the next month they whacked up the subscription fee to £10.99 and the cancellation period on my ‘no contract’ agreement to 2 months... and I still have no service.
I called up Setanta sports on their non-free line to discuss my cancellation – alas I was informed that I could not cancel my subscription at the weekend and I would have to wait until Monday (they didn’t mention this on the phone when I subscribed). I waited until Monday and called them again on their non-free line. I was talked to by a very nice chap who went through all my reasons for cancellation before he informed me that I had to speak to someone else.
I was then transferred to the Orwellian named ‘Customer Loyalty Department’.
I spoke to a very nice lady who listened to all my reasons for cancellation and sympathised with my position and engaged me in some platitudes about football and the team I supported before offering my a reduced rate of £5 a month for 3 months. I politely declined and insisted on cancelling my subscription on the basis that I do not wish to pay £5 a month to receive no service whatsoever. I was then informed that it was no fault of Setanta that their ‘overly paranoid media protection technology’ didn’t work with my freeview box... I mentioned that this was a common problem across a number of freeview boxes – hence the FAQ on rebooting your freeview box with the card out and in again on their website (now removed). Legally, I informed them, they had broken the ‘contract’ (on my ‘no contract’ subscription) by not supplying me with my media i.e. the fact that Setanta Sports should supply me with the media that I have paid for was very much in the ‘large print’ on the ‘contract’ (no contract) that I subscribed too by giving some bloke my credit card number over the phone one evening.
I was then informed that I had to cancel in writing and give 60 days notice as there was no facility to cancel over the phone?
Hang on – I called at the weekend to cancel and was told that I had to call on Monday to cancel – then I’m told that I can’t cancel by phone?
I was then informed that I had to write a letter to the following address... and they will take 10 days to process the letter from when they get round to opening it.
This was beginning to sound slightly dodgy... I asked if the cancellation date would be backdated – she said that she didn’t think so. Hmmm... None of this was mentioned when I signed up on the phone via their 24/7 easy sign up call-for-free line?!
The cancellation address I was given was:
Setanta Sports Dept 8544 Sunderland SR9 9SZ
Interestingly, this address is not on any of their bumf or webshite... anywhere.
I had a quick look on Google and I found stacks of ‘customers’ (see mugs) who have been through the same experience as me – sometimes they have been told that they have cancelled on the phone, sometimes they are told to write in and sometimes they take the £5 a month special offer... all of them, it seems, continued to pay the full subscription charge with no sign of change. It’s possible that these people are the exceptions – but there seems rather too many of them out there for my liking...
I did a bit more digging on-line and further found that letters not sent by recorded delivery would tend to go missing in transit – the Royal Mail, is seems, loses a fair number of letters on the way and this is ‘no fault of Setanta’.
I then called my bank and spoke to a very nice lady who said that they (Setanta) do this all the time and they are overwhelmed with customers who call them wishing to block payments to Setanta Sports. I blocked them and I now await the hostile automatically-drafted-from-a-template and crafted-by-a-scumbag-lawyer, threatening letters and demands to land on my doormat. I suspect that they will move pretty fast once they start losing out on my cash.
If you have a subscription to Setanta sports I would recommend that you call up to cancel immediately (or try too) – for your own benefit, just to see what happens.
I sent them this letter, next day, recorded delivery/signed for, you may want to use it as a template (next day signed for costs £4.90 from the post office – although their computers will NOT recognise the address supplied by Setanta and you have to get them to set it up manually):
Dog Face, 00 Aroad, Some Place, Acounty A1BLAH
Setanta Sports Dept 8544 Sunderland SR9 9SZ
RE: Cancellation of Service as of dd/mmm/yyyy
Ref: Account Number 000000
Dear Sirs,
I have not been able to receive the media that I have been paying for in good faith for over 2 months now. I have had problems with your service from day 1 but I was willing to persevere with your technical dept., at a cost to me, to resolve these issues.
Unfortunately matters have got worse and upon switching to Setanta Sports I am presented with the following message:
“You are not entitled to watch this channel”
Followed by the usual message:
“The Channel is Scrambled or Unavailable”
There is no way to resolve this issue other than calling your technical department and switching my set top box to Channel 5 for an hour. I consider this inability to provide the service I paid for a breech of our agreement and I regret to say that no longer have a tenable relationship. I have collected substantial video evidence and witness statements that this is the case. It may interest you to know that I am also in correspondence with the Trading Standards agency and BBC Watchdog with regards to your business practices pertaining to cancellation of services and changes of contract.
Please consider this correspondence a termination of our business relationship as of the date shown above. I have instructed my bank to return any payment requests forthwith.
If you do not agree or take issue with this correspondence then please consider this correspondence as a notice of termination of the subscription agreement and reply with confirmation and I will instruct my solicitors to act accordingly.
Dog Face
Anyhow – the upshot is that I’ll be without Setanta for the first leg away due to me being ‘not entitled to watch this channel’... bastards.
I propose that on the return leg we all sing the umbrella song as a salute to McClaren managerial prowess to make him feel at home while his team loses 7-0 on aggregate.
Now it's raining more than ever Now you’re not England Manager You can stand under your umbrella You can stand under your umbrella (Ella ella ella eh eh eh)
Narf narf!
I’m going to have to do a rewind now to a few posts I posted way back when... first of all – let’s talk about Adebayor. Did he go anywhere? No. Is his agent a scumbag? Yes. He got a pay rise – he deserved it and I guarantee that he’ll work his arse off for every penny... I may still sing:
Adebayor, Adebayor Give him sixty grand a week more And he’ll score one in four
Every now and then just to give him a verbal kick... but on the whole I do not agree with the consensus from the fans that they ‘wish he had gone’ – it’s stupid and self defeating... a bit like reading the Sun.
Second rewind: Man City!
And lo – it came to pass... as I said - they are getting fucked. All Gooners take note over this current season as to what this type of ‘investment’ can bring to a club. Let’s see... Thaksin Shinawatra swooped in as ‘Jesus’ to the Eastlands faithful – he then rapidly proceeded fuck them in a dvda-ass-slap styleé. Thaksin now has an arrest warrant out for him, he is on the run from the Thai authorities in England (last seen shoplifting in the Guildford branch of Aldi). Thailand and England have an extradition treaty, will they ask for him and what are the odds on him going back I wonder? All this bodes very badly for Man City as if he didn’t give a fuck about them before he certainly gives less than that now. Thaksin is also broke (well – he has more money down the back of his sofa that I will ever have in my life but as far as he’s concerned he’s potless) as the Thai authorities have frozen all his ‘legitimate’ cash pending investigation/trial/confiscation. You don’t have to do much in the way of mathematics to come to the conclusion that Man City will have no more money spent on them and Jo, I imagine, will be sold on in the January transfer window... 'Sleeping elephant' indeed - more like 'Judas cow'! Clattenburg getting suspended from the PGMO for 'financial irregularities' won't help matters either:Google it!
I'm very tempted to stick a tenner on the following:
a) Man City being relegated. b) Mark Hughes bieng the first manager to go.
I imagine that the odds are tumbling as I type... lump on!
Well the Emirates cup wasn't all I expected... I mean it was ok – and a fun day out to see the new players but in all honesty it wasn't the same as last year. The teams felt distinctly 'b' and the effort was c- - still, it was nice to see Adebayor putting in a few nice efforts – including one run where he went through just about everyone before sticking it wide.
The game against Juventus – we was robbed with a goal that was about half a mile off side... the lino made some gesture to say the sun was in his eyes, or something, so he couldn't read it... Hmm - mildly suss in my book.
The second game against Real Madrid – they was robbed! They had a clear penalty shout and had it denied where as we had a dubious penalty shout and had it given...
You sort of expect that kind of thing in, say, a testimonial match – but not a 'competitive friendly'. Ade scored the penalty and kissed his badge and ran in the general direction of where he expected the Red Section to be – alas they didn't turn up for this one and orange quadrant remained fairly quiet throughout... which was the other disappointment – there was not a massive atmosphere and it seemed a lot of tourists had shown up... much like your average carling cup fixture against some mugs we're going to smash – strange faces all around.
Hamburg, who I would have considered the underdogs, won it in the penultimate match with the sack load of points from a 3 goal lead – they played well... this meant that we would have to beat Real 4-0 to win the 'competition' – it was never going to happen, hence (maybe) the kick-a-bout attitude in the final match. I wish I had stuck a few quid on Hamburg – wonder what the odds were... hang on, dodgy decisions all round and Hamburg winning - things are starting to stink a bit.
Sophia had a nice time but got a bit bored/overwhelmed during the second half and went home with her mum. She got to meet Gunnersaurus Rex before the match started though... we waited for ages at the bottom of the stairs as he worked his way around to us – Sophia got more unsure the closer he came, and I thought he wasn't going to make it round (which might be a blessing) but at the last moment before he had to fuck off before kick off he saw us and made a special effort by sprinting over to us to make a big fuss of Sophia. Sophia's initial concerns were realised as what, to a 3 y/o, was the equivalent of Godzilla bearing down on us, at speed, in an Arsenal shirt. Gunnersaurus though – consummate pro – quickly recognised the signs of abject terror and leapt back and did this silly dance where he waggled his tail and did all this other shit that kids innately find hilarious. Sophia – still unsure – obliged to shake his hand – and on reflection decided that she quite liked him.
For me, on reflection, the one thing that drew any real concern, in comparison with last year's event, was that there didn't seem to be the same team spirit and all-for-one attitude in the squad... it could be that they are getting serious about the coming season and see this event as trivial nonsense – or it could be that something has broken in the hearts and minds at Arsenal. Also – just what the fuck was going on with the referees... and does this mean that we have started playing 'the game' already?
This weekend is the long awaited (for me) Emirates cup!
Great; finally – after what seems like years in the wilderness - I once again have a matchday to look forward too.
I'm going on day 2 to watch the Arsenal play Real Madrid – should be fun... rumour has it that Eduardo will be there to watch, but I'm hoping that he'll come on for a bit of a jog around at some point. He's going to get one hell of a reception if he does and it might one of those moments that'll keep his game on track.
For those that don't know the song for Sat/Sun is thus (to the tune of: "The animals went in two by two"):
He came to us when Henry went, Eddie! Eddie! And scored more goals than Darren Bent, Eddie! Eddie! He broke his leg but he'll be back, And Darren Bent will still be cack. Eduardo Da Silva,
Arsenal's number nine!
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA! They'll fix his leg and he'll be fine, He'll get the ball and score each time.
EDUARDO DA SILVA, ARSENALS NUMBER NINE!!!
Goose bumps coming up already!
For those that only watch on TV – you don't know what you are missing – it's a ritual, it's addictive and it's pure adrenaline... and you don't have to listen to the commentators or suffer having the crowd noise turned down whenever the anti-referee chants chime in... not that there will be any of that this w/e anyway... there was a game last season where the whole crowd sang in unison "The Referee's a Wanker!" followed by "How much did they pay you?" – it was proper loud and clear, this happened at a few games... but this time, in particular, had everyone singing their hearts out with a venom and passion that I have never heard before... I think it was the Middlesbrough game – at the end of the game the officials were booed and jeered off the field – the gang of three stuck close together as they went into the tunnel as an 'un-initiated' camera man leapt out and got right in their pasty faces with a majassive steadycamed up HD TV camera. On Match Of The Day that night all of this was missing... erased. I was really looking forward to seeing the look on their faces and hearing about the 'shocking display' (insert Scottish accent) 'of refereeing'... but - alas the chants were also turned down and 'remixed' so they were illegible under the commentators voice assuring the viewer that that was, indeed, a fair challenge and the referee had, despite what you saw, got it 'right'.
I reckon you could slap, spit on or at least 'egg' a commentator and/or referee in the street in broad daylight and get away with it as, if he took you to court for assault, you could claim that he was an 'unreliable witness' and have the case thrown out – use the video clips of games he has commentated/officiated on as the basis for this defence:
"M'lud, if I may – it's plain to see from the footage that he don't know his arse from his elbow... init?"
Although you would have to make sure you do it outside the 'courdon sanitaire' to avoid the CCTV cameras; which seem to be used to gather possibly incriminating evidence about the masses from just about everywhere in this country where the filthy rich rub shoulders with the dirty poor...
...Hey – here's a wacky idea – why not get some of those cameras and use them, with the help of an independent and regulated third party, to assist the match officials with their decision making on the field of play?! Genius - I'm going to take that shit to 'dragons den' and make my millions!
Sunday is also Sophia's first game – she's just turned 3 now and I thought it was about time; and what better game for your first game than Arsenal Vs Real Madrid?
That'll silence anyone who calls her a glory hunter in years to come and snipes the question "what was your first match then eh?".
"Actually I was 3 and it was the 2008 pre-season game betwixt Arsenal and Real Mardid... so fuck off cunty." – Sophia (circa 2028).
Sophia also has a pet goldfish that she has called Eduardo... and some of these tiny minnow things called Fabregas, Flamini, Adebayor, Walcott, Gallas and Wenger. I'm kind of hoping that Eduardo might eat Flamini at some point as Sophia refuses to change his name to Nasri.
*Arsenal News*
Talking of Flamini and him not playing in the Champions League, today we find out who we'll be smashing to smithereens in the qualifiers. The un-seeded teams are thus:
Atletico Madrid Sheriff Tiraspol or Sparta Prague Drogheda or Dynamo Kiev Levski Sofia (unlucky Berlusconi) Slavia Prague Galatasaray Inter Baku or Partizan Belgrade Victoria Guimaraes Domzale or Dinamo Zagreb Beitar Jerusalem or Wisla Krakow Standard Liege Twente Enschede Tampere or Artmedia Bratislava Aalborg or Modrica Brann or Ventspils Anorthosis Famagusta or Rapid Vienna
I don't know about you but I quite fancy Beitar Jerusalem myself... whoever they are – I'm showing my ignorance here – but I haven't heard of quite a few of those teams. Still – I bet we end up with one of the following: Atletico Madrid, Sparta Prague, Dynamo Kiev, Dinamo Zagreb, Slavia Prague or Galatasaray.
It should, at least, make for a half decent match if nothing else.
