Well I'm not one to rant and rave but... well – sometimes I have to.
I am fast coming to the conclusion that humanity is, on the whole, is a weak minded species that predominately reacts to stimuli via the predictable mechanism of what is called, through the mechanism of 'received wisdom', 'received wisdom'.
Take me for instance... my mother was a ranter and my father a raver and I rant and rave in reactionary turn...
...they fuck you up, your mum and dad...
...If aliens were to land on our planet (or better still astrally project their perception via a wormhole) they would no doubt be of a superior intelligence - and please; I beseech all deities and personified concepts that there must be a 'superior intelligence' out there somewhere - and look upon us as we look upon dogs... i.e. easy to train depending on breeding, character and upbringing but all, with a little coercion, will fetch a stick for a Scooby snack.
As an aside – whatever happened to stick men, I used to love stick men as a child and making little animated flip books (most of the time during a school lesson). There's a physics book somewhere out there that if you flip all the pages at the corner you will see a stick man furiously wanking... it's probably still in use because - well - the laws of physics don't change and the state education system is so poorly funded. I think they (stick men) sold out with the whole 3D John Woo thing they did on the internet and people just lost interest – the spectacular always destroys the illusion.
...Anyway, contrary to what Hollywood blockbusters tell me I actually wish that aliens would come to earth and rule us as a benevolent parent race thus giving us no choice but to behave ourselves and show us the way to our own best interests – 'one day you can be our equals' they will tell us... and we will at last have something to strive for.
And, as another aside, whatever happened to my childhood... the Tooth Fairy, Father Christmas and god? All gone in a reactionary blink of received wisdom – a reflex action if you will..?
Hey - what we need are alien referees without concepts of status or sex... did they have any of those on Star Trek?
Oh yeah – Data (TNG) - but he was a robot.
If we can't have aliens then I want 'open source' robo-refs please... and an 'open source' robo-establishment and journalists to boot (what better form of democracy) – that way we can spend our lives fucking about and mark our territories by taking a slash up the monolith and squabbling over sex and status in a meritorious and protected bubble – happy days!
...Hmmm...
Right, getting back to the point ...I'll start with childhood and bear with me as this is kind of football related and I reckon if I explain it right it'll be worth reading.
Children are cheerful little animals full of life and packed with the ancient genetic knowledge that has got humanity thus far. I know – I was a child once and now I'm a dad. At certain stages of childhood development new brain functionality kicks in, and if nurtured, will become the predominant reason/decision engine – although it's worth bearing in mind that these engines work from the bottom up and always at the core will be the reptilian base instincts – which is why cheerful little bundles of joy mature into little bastards when the hormones kick in at adolescence.
I am as yet undecided if the layers of what makes me who I am are still layering... I think so as I've still got a lot of shit to figure out – although the gaps between them kicking in are getting longer. If you give up trying to figure shit out then your layers will be so thin that they will make little to no difference as to your intellectual growth and/or retardation.
And this is a good point – intellectual understanding takes us further away from what is real, that being our base instincts and empirical perception; and cast us into that which is not real i.e. the metaphysical 'realities' of society and behaviour. Look at North Korea for example where the personality cult of Kim Jong-il rages on – not through fear (although that is certainly what maintains it) but predominantly though the genuinely felt love of the people for their leader. This is what is real to them – it's all they know... just as you know that it's ridiculous to even think for a second that football at the highest levels is so utterly corrupted that it can barely even be called a competitive sport?
Right?
Remember how gutted you were when you first thought that Father Christmas might not exist? It's the 'bad' thoughts like that you can only push back for so long until you are overwhelmed with the 'evidence' of your perceptions both realised and received... the paths to intellectual folly are infinite and endless but there are some that hold a positive relevance to the pan-human condition – like art and sport... but they can branch, mutate and flower into something quite worthless if focus is lost on their roots – for that which is not real is driven from the collective unconscious i.e. from the top down rather than the individual unconscious (the bottom up). Look at art and sport – what passes for them in this dilapidated society of ours... all paths of virtue will always seemingly branch towards and eventually self-seed themselves in the rich manure of the intellectual pursuit of status, sex, money and individual greed - which again is realised by another of the more self serving and destructive of the mammalian drives – the will to power.
...but again – I'm straying – or am I? Let's look at one little corruption, just one tiny wandering root...
The other day missus DogFace purchased a overpriced consumable item marketed at children – these were intended as a 'treat for the kids' – they were called 'Pony in my pocket' – and in the 'rhyming slang' sense of the phrase – the name is literal. Pony in my pocket consist of a sealed cardboard box containing an anthropomorphosised and overtly sexualised effigy of a horse with a baggie of jelly beans and a sales pamphlet to inform your child of not only the name of the toy their parents have purchased but also what other toys are available and sealed up in those boxes in the shops, just waiting to be discovered... In fact – I do believe that the missus didn't choose these, they were chosen by my 4 y/o from the conveniently placed location that is the toddler eye-level shelf of the local shop.
Pony in my pocket is 1 of (n) to collect... the boxes do not reveal what particular pony is in the box ergo you will have to buy an absolute fuckload of boxes to collect them all... but hey – you get a baggie of jelly beans so it's not all bad... I wonder what the marketing formula is for that?
Oh well - Google didn't yield anything and I'm not a statistician but I reckon that basically – the more there is to collect the chances of you getting one you haven't got will exponentially increase with the more you have... i.e. your brand loyalty will be rewarded with you being ripped off... a bit like betting on Newcastle when Owen starts really.
This is the child's first initiation into the world of gambling with them (or their parents) being sent up as the mug-punter....
...now – let's talk Panini sticker albums.
When I were a lad these were the rage and it's basically the same gig – gambling on football... what the child get's from it is peer status in exchange for money (the outlay in buying the stickers) and networking (the lucrative swaps and transfer market). I only ever bought two packs of Panini stickers but I managed to collect 4 stickers off an entire set... although I never had an album to stick them in. My brother, PieFace, went to a different school to me – with different newsagents and therefore had struck a different vein of worthless swaps – my school had its own swap mountain... and there were stickers to be made as the middleman I can tell you that! My best deal was swapping 1 sticker for one child's entire swapsie bank (circa 60 stickers with many repeats)... it was the one he needed to complete his collection – it was some relegation bound goalie and my brother had 5 of them?!
I was the dealer, the bookie, the middleman... it was easy money (or stickers).
So what was I being set up as then huh? Not the fucking mug that's for sure! There is no conspiracy here to train children's minds and layer their engines of intellectual reason to conform with their social class; it's just a consequence of the intellectual pursuit of money (by the product manufactures) preying on the proto-intellectual pursuit of playground status of the children... thus a new shoot in born to branch from the stem; it stands on the shoulders of virtue as a mistletoe sprouts from the oak – privilege is parasitic in its very nature.
Same old story.
But that's just one tiny root... the EPL's intellectual relationship with the reality of football as a sport can be better expressed by the 'metaphorical comparison by flora' to that of the 'strangler fig'.
You dig?
I mean, when you really look at it, it's all bollocks as if you tried to market an 'already filled in' Panini sticker album no fucker would buy it... entry points and accessibility are everything when you are making your dollar on the comeback.
For instance, our local newsagent also used to sell alongside sticker packs single fags for 5p... so there you go – crank that cunt up to 10 and you basically have the CEO of BAT... so have a think about that – it don't have to be clever or even have any common sense to sit at the reins of power in the seat of privillage – you just have to be born into the right family, go to the right schools and be a total and utter cunt – such is the relevance of economic intellectualism... the more stupid you are – the further you get.
Hey ho.
I watched the news last night... apparently the dirty, bloaty NHS after greedily feasting on our taxes (I'm paraphrasing here) is going to face some belt-tightening in these dark days of ressession. Missus DogFace works in the NHS and she can tell thee that it's a state – it's a death by a 1000 cuts and the BBC are right there, cheek in jowel with the cabinet ministers, pharma companies and the razorblade assuring us that the government is doing its very best and everything will be fine... where she works they can't afford to budget for even the very basics, but I suppose the poor don't count and if the disabled children she works with were worth anything as human beings then they would be with Bupa right? Meanwhile – further up the billing – I'm told that we (Johnny Taxpayer) have a vested interest in the success of Lloyds Bank as we basically gifted it and its chums 100+ billion quid the other week... more bad news for West Brom fans then. Higher still up the news I am informed that a nursery worker took a picture of a toddlers arse.
Now that's some fucking news that I'm chambered to react to... round up a posse of proles and we'll sort this bitch out!
I give up – I really do, when will we rise up and hang our 'leaders' from the lamp posts and do the whole revolution thing like the French? What more possible incentive do we need than what is happening to our society right now?! It wouldn't solve much, I agree, but it would at least make the front page and be a bit of a laugh...
...and while we are on the subject – 80 million for Ronaldo? Is this really about football anymore or merely an exercise in merchandising?
And what about Ronaldo taking Paris Hilton out to celebrate thier own hyper-hyped joint celebrity obscenities – that's the front and back page sewn up then.
I give up - wake up you race of nodding dogs; turn off the TV, read a proper book, listen to some proper music and participate in a proper competition and discuss this things you're not supposed to talk about and well... just grow a fucking spine!
And have you heard, it's in the stars... next July we collide with Mars!?
Well, did you evah?
