Found a head and an arm in a garbage can

(appologies for the big gaps - Google Blogs has a HTML translation bug with tables)

Well this was the week that Chelsea accused Arsenal of not respecting the Carling Cup as a competition by fielding a ‘weak’ reserve squad before stating their intention to win with a full strength side:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/article1920920.ece

Respect Wilkins, respect... although – this was just another case of the story fitting the agenda – I’m sure Wilkins, pillock as he is, was creatively quoted to further plump the odds and send the mug money into the coffers of the lay bettors... although nobody could have predicted just how much this story would backfire for Wilkins in terms of the Drogba coin-toss incident (which is getting slightly more column inches than perhaps it deserves).

So - the Currant Bun go with:

Arsenal = shit
Chelsea = great

The result was:

Arsenal = great
Chelsea = shit

The same can be said for the media run up to the Scouse/Spud game – let’s not forget that Chelsea and Liverpool really don’t care about the Carling cup and we can draw our own conclusions from the results and the football that was played as to who out of the big 4 ‘respects’ this competition more... I mean – there’s fuck all gambling liquidity in the Carling cup and the kudos of winning is pretty lame. Chelsea and Liverpool both want the league this season and that is their main priority.

Let’s check out the Carling Cup Give-a-Fuckometer:

Team	Give-a-fuckness	Reason
Spuds	100%	‘Arrys ticket to Europe next season... by any means necessary.
Arsenal	95%	A young team playing football as best they can with no pressure or league to worry about... would be nice to win but they know it’s just a tin cup
Burnley	80%	Burnley would love to play another big club win or loose; just for the craic
Derby	63%	Must know they can’t win but the extra gate money would be handy
Blackburn	50%	A spot in Europe would be nice – but staying up is priority
Stoke	23%	Staying up is priority #1
Man U	10%	Give less than half a toss
Watford	5%	This team needs to get out of the relegation zone

So... I think the draw is on Saturday – I don’t care who we get, as long as it’s not fucking Tottenham away!

On to this weekend... you know I’m not sure, I was hoping for a good game of football but Mike Riley is on the case so – maybe a frustrating first half, I reckon we should do ‘em in the second on fitness. This is one of those matches for me – Villa are a fairly straight team (and I’ll assume that we are too) so if we get robbed blind then it will tell me that the knives are out for Arsenal... if the decisions go against Villa then – maybe we are indulging in favours for favours – if it’s a fair game and the boys give it some then fair play, win or loose – I’ll be happy to watch it.

----------------------------

DogFace says: 'ello
Stinky says: alright
DogFace says: Who do you fancy for the w/e then?
Stinky says: Spuds, Stoke, Pompey and West Brom ... Couple of wild cards in there!
DogFace says: these are my current thoughts:

Saturday, 16 November 2008

Time	Match	On Telly?	Ref	I reckon
12:45	Bolton v Liverpool	SKY	Rob Styles	Draw
15:00	Arsenal v Aston Villa		Mike Riley	Arsenal
15:00	Blackburn v Sunderland		Peter Walton	Sunderland
15:00	Fulham v Tottenham		Alan Wiley	Fulham
15:00	Man Utd v Stoke		Mark Halsey	Man Utd
15:00	Newcastle v Wigan		Andre Marriner	Draw
17:30	West Brom v Chelsea	SET	Steve Bennett	Draw

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Time	Match	On Telly?	Ref	I reckon
13:30	Everton v Middlesbrough	SKY	Howard Webb	Draw
16:00	Hull v Man City		Phil Dowd	Man City

Stinky says: what are you putting money on?
DogFace says: Not sure yet... ...might wait until the Bolton/Scouse game plays out.
Stinky says: you would have a better idea of what is gonna happen
DogFace says: yeah You should be wary of the sky/set games - they carry the most money.
Stinky says: I don't know what is on this weekend. Got a busy one ... again!
DogFace says: I put it in my table man SKY/SET
Stinky says: sorry did not realise that!
DogFace says: :-)

Above the sound of ideologies clashing

Hello again, now is that crazy time of the season where the transfer rumours are flying... should I touch on them? Yeah – go on then!

Inbox:

Samir Nasri from Marseille = Reassuringly expensive.
Miguel Veloso from Sporting Lisbon = This boy just wants some Premiership action i.e. wages – but feisty and Flaminiesque!
Alberto Aquilani from Roma = His scumbag agent is just trying his luck.
Sebastian Frey from Fiorentina = Well, we need a goal keeper and this is the only one on the radar so far.
Yaya Toure from Barcelona = Fan speculation – on our wish list so why not sell some papers off the back of it?
Roque Santa Cruz from Blackburn = Yeah… only if Ade goes (see below)... and even then – I doubt it.
Hatem Ben Arfa from Lyon = Apparently this is likely, although it’s all gone quiet over there regarding agreeing a fee.
Lilian Thuram from Barcalona = At 36, you’re having a laugh... unless it’s in the run up for a coaching position?
Mauro Zárate from Al-Sadd (On loan to Birmingham) = Overpriced and I doubt that we’ll start taking players on-loan.
David Villa from Valencia = Team speculation (Top of Fabregas' wish list but if he’s coming to the EPL then Abramovich outbid us to the tune of 25 million)

Outbox:

Kolo Toure = Media speculation in order to destabilise the team relationship with Gallas... again!
Emmanuel Adebayor = The Daily Hate Mail stirring it up.
Alexander Hleb = Agent taking the piss – but show us the money... and we’ll consider it.
Matthieu Flamini = Champions League, you’re having a laugh! Have fun being second fiddle to Gattusso and playing FC Shitskivich in the UEFA cup… mug!

Returns:

Carlos Vela = So long Osasuna and thanks for all the fish! Will the wonder boy deliver? Will he get his visa?! Watch out for this lad- he's going to shine.

We should also consider who is going to be stepping up from the reserves next season... it is fair to say that the youth system is maturing now and producing the goods – will we see a select few get their chance to shine in the League and FA Cup? I certainly hope so.

While we are on the subject of rumours The Joker emailed me again with this rather depressing summation of the recent goings on behind closed doors:

“Hi DogFace, With Hill Wood's change of position, it looks set to us to be a straight fight for control between Kroenke and Usmanov. Although the former is marginally preferable from your point of view, both represent selling out to the gambling markets. Good news? Depends on your perspective - it will mean you will be allowed a shot of the title.”

He’s usually right but I hold out hope of the board being able to keep a leash on this hyena. I for one will be livid if he comes into the board room playing the ‘saviour’ and spending money we don’t have i.e. borrowing the funds from one of his mates in the lodge, spending it on overpriced brats and securing the loan on the club as an asset – look at Man-U, 764 million quid in debt and still spending!! I’m quite sure that SAF doesn’t give a fuck as he’s set to retire with a fat cheque and a bronze bust in honour of his ‘genius’ before the bailiffs kick the doors down and raid the stolen goods in the trophy cabinet. Manure fans would have you believe that this spending is some form of ‘generosity’ from Malcom Glazier... no – this is DEBT and a dirty great big global recession is peeking its head just around the corner.

Check out the economics - the cost of living is going up, inflation is going up (therefore interest rates can’t be held down) the twittering, prawn sandwich munching, middle classes who took out the stupid self assessment mortgages on their stupid fucking houses in an attempt to outdo each other are reaping it big time and are going under left right and centre – and remind me... who is it that buys all your season tickets these days?

Warning – your club could be at risk if you fail to keep up repayments on a loan secured against it.

[20/05/2008 10:45:13] DogFace says: Hmmm... http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/7409979.stm - Pitch is fucked for tomorrow.
[20/05/2008 10:45:34] DogFace says: Randomising factor #1 in place ;-)
[20/05/2008 10:45:44] dhjackal says: should suit our long ball game then
[20/05/2008 10:45:58] DogFace says: And the 'hoof it at Drogba' game.
[20/05/2008 10:46:08] dhjackal says: yeah
[20/05/2008 10:46:16] dhjackal says: after all we don't play footaball
[20/05/2008 10:46:25] dhjackal says: and only won the league by luck
[20/05/2008 10:46:28] DogFace says: You play better football than chelsea
[20/05/2008 10:46:35] dhjackal says: thanks
[20/05/2008 10:46:39] DogFace says: And it wasn't luck - you cheated!
[20/05/2008 10:46:43] DogFace says: :-D
[20/05/2008 10:46:47] dhjackal says: we won!
[20/05/2008 10:48:11] DogFace says: Ooh - listen to the interview... you boys have got the 'winning dressing room' over 90% of the teams who have that dressing room win... apparently.
[20/05/2008 10:48:26] dhjackal says: that's it then
[20/05/2008 10:48:36] dhjackal says: might as well fuel up the bus
[20/05/2008 10:48:50] DogFace says: My cash is big on Man-u!
[20/05/2008 10:49:12] DogFace says: Or Chelsea... hmmm.
[20/05/2008 10:49:45] DogFace says: Right - OK, shit pitch which means low scoring game - draw in 90 minutes and Man-u to nick it in extra time.
[20/05/2008 10:50:20] DogFace says: HT/FT Manu/Draw – the Chavs to equalise with a dodgy decision.
[20/05/2008 10:50:52] DogFace says: You will have the better fitness though - so if it goes past 90 minutes they'll start cramping up.
[20/05/2008 10:51:41] DogFace says: The chavs will probably want to take it to penalties though - so might be a dull game.
[20/05/2008 10:52:15] dhjackal says: i guess we'll find out tomorrow
[20/05/2008 10:52:27] DogFace says: Yeah man - you got any cash on it?
[20/05/2008 10:52:36] dhjackal says: no
[20/05/2008 10:52:38] DogFace says: What's your read of the game?
[20/05/2008 10:52:46] dhjackal says: we're going to win
[20/05/2008 10:52:50] DogFace says: How?
[20/05/2008 10:52:54] dhjackal says: don't care
[20/05/2008 10:52:57] DogFace says: Ha – fair enough.
[20/05/2008 10:54:26] DogFace says: If it goes to penalties and Ronaldo chokes I hope you don't mind if I take the piss the next day?
[20/05/2008 11:41:30] DogFace says: Good job you're not going – check it out: "Anyone planning on excessive drinking in Moscow, though, has been warned against it.
The city has special 'drink police' who travel around with mobile cells, looking for drunks, and if those cells are full, offenders risk being taken to 'sobering houses'."
[20/05/2008 11:42:43] dhjackal says: what a load of shit
[20/05/2008 11:43:00] DogFace says: You'd be banged up in a mobile cell!
[20/05/2008 11:43:14] dhjackal says: probably
[20/05/2008 11:43:20] DogFace says: or taken to a sobering house - WTF is a sobering house?
[20/05/2008 11:43:21] dhjackal says: they have those in Oz
[20/05/2008 11:43:35] DogFace says: Really? Blimey!
[20/05/2008 11:44:15] DogFace says: Check it out: "Slovakian Lubos Michel will referee the match - the man who officiated the Champions League semi-final between Chelsea and Liverpool in 2005, when Luis Garcia was controversially award the goal that saw the Reds to the final."
[20/05/2008 11:45:14] DogFace says: The ref has form... one wonders who the highest bidder was?
[20/05/2008 11:45:17] DogFace says: (rofl)
[20/05/2008 11:45:17] DogFace says: Hey – wasn’t that the boy who fucked Ghana against Brazil in the 2006 World Cup?
[20/05/2008 11:45:34] dhjackal says: (finger)

There may be trouble ahead.

Well – what a week it’s been, or turning out to be; Edelmann has been given his marching orders (but we already knew that) – what we didn’t know was why. The press were none the wiser and proceeded to speculate and generally make shit up in order to plump a few column inches. Now, new information comes to light!

The Joker emailed me the other day, totally unexpected as I had assumed that his focus would have been busied away on projects and other such stuff, but true to his word he got back to me and, among other things, he said this:

“BTW, we delayed our contact of ****** following Edelmann's resignation. There is a view that this is a significant development regarding Fat Boy. What do you reckon?”

Now - when The Joker isn’t sure then you know that the board are playing things close to their chest. The Joker has a finger, or at least someone else’s finger, in chicken balti pies (or the vegan equivilant), up and down the land. I replied:

"I would, through my ever rose tinted glasses, hope that Edelmann was caught cosying up to Jabba and Dein (that little goblin creature who dances around Jabba cackling while he eats frogs) and 'let go'. I hope. I don't know. Um. There would have to be a sea-change of attitude in the board to bring in the money - but that's the way money works, it bangs on the door relentless mocking your integrity until it wears down your resolve."

Three minutes later the news broke that a certain Mr. Stan Kroenke was sniffing around a seat on the board. Just what is going on? We have gone from: “We don’t need your money!” to – “We want your protection!”. Money and protection... anyone see a connection?

The ever straight talking Colonel_Decker from the Facebook Intelligentsia group postulated this analogy:

“Arsenal are the gorgeous sexy girl in the nightclub and these two are the men inside with their eyes on her. They are using different tactics, Usmanov is striding up all pissed and confident slapping her arse and buying her mates rounds of Champagne and telling her how fit she is and what he wants to do to her. Where as Kroenke has approached politely offering to buy a cocktail hoping to impress a gentlemanly impression on her. He hopes that by not pushing things too far she will approach him wanting him to 'pretend to be her boyfriend' to protect her from the loaded loud guy who keeps rubbing his 'half a nasty' against her leg. But beware young sexy attractive Lady, ultimately they both just want the same thing, to fuck you.”

Personally – I think that the board are walking a tightrope here... we’re going to get slipped some rhohipnol and spit-roasted in the car park if we’re not careful and for no other provocation than looking sexy as sin in red and white. These men are scum – make no mistake... Let’s hope the ‘Lady in the nightclub’ can cock-tease the two potential suitors into a brawl in which either they both get ejected by the bouncers or realise the pent-up homo eroticism of the situation and jack each other off in the bogs leaving the Lady with nothing left to do but hit the floor and boogie.

Let’s take a moment here to consider the goings on at Eastlands and examine in detail the pitfalls of giving up your arse to the first psychopath that wops it on the table, political realities aside, this is pretty much how it went:

Thaksin buys some flowers for Man City off a gypo at the traffic lights.
Thaksin gets Man City drunk.
Thaksin declares his love for Man City.
Thaksin promises Man City the world.
Thaksin fucks Man City.
Thaksin makes Man City his crack-whore.
Thaksin pimps out Man City to whoever wants it.
Thaksin dumps Man City.

To all you City fans who welcomed this man as your saviour, you reap what you sow. But hey - you're in the Wafer Cup next season for finishing an impressive sixth in the Premier League fair play table (everyone else had already qualified). Soooo... while there’s (blue) moonlight, and music and love and romance...

...let’s face the music and dance!

[15/05/2008 09:25:58] dhjackal says: maybe you are right after all
[15/05/2008 09:26:09] DogFace says: What might I be right about?
[15/05/2008 09:26:15] dhjackal says: match fixing
[15/05/2008 09:26:15] dhjackal says: Avram Grant seems to agree with you
[15/05/2008 09:26:22] DogFace says: Oh Christ - now I know I'm in trouble when he agrees with me!
[15/05/2008 09:26:37] DogFace says: Link me bad boy.
[15/05/2008 09:26:48] dhjackal says: it's in all the papers this morning
[15/05/2008 09:27:01] DogFace says: What's he said?
[15/05/2008 09:27:01] dhjackal says: saying that the ref gave Man Utd the title
[15/05/2008 09:27:19] DogFace says: Ha ha ha - the fucking gall of the cunt!!
[15/05/2008 09:27:31] dhjackal says: that's what i thought
[15/05/2008 09:27:46] DogFace says: I agree with him - but they would be battling with Everton for a CL place if it wasn't for all the match fixing they have done!!!
[15/05/2008 09:27:46] dhjackal says: i hope we win the CL with a dodgy penalty now
[15/05/2008 09:28:05] dhjackal says: some you get some you don't
[15/05/2008 09:28:14] DogFace says: ...right...
[15/05/2008 09:28:31] DogFace says: This is in the run up to the final, obviously it's a ‘pre-emptive spin’.
[15/05/2008 09:29:23] dhjackal says: your right - lump on United
[15/05/2008 09:29:30] DogFace says: Chelsea are probably going to win on dodgy ref decisions and then hold their hands up and say "Hey, it all evens out".
[15/05/2008 09:29:59] DogFace says: Going to check the sports pages now...
[15/05/2008 09:30:08] dhjackal says: (nod)
[15/05/2008 09:30:49] DogFace says: ...nothing on BBC that I can see...
[15/05/2008 09:31:19] DogFace says: Oh hang on... it's hidden away down the headlines.
[15/05/2008 09:31:58] DogFace says: "In England there are some very good referees - but there are some, a few of them, you can influence,"
[15/05/2008 09:32:19] DogFace says: He should know as he's 'influenced' most of them!!!
[15/05/2008 09:35:42] dhjackal says: (smirk)
[15/05/2008 10:09:09] DogFace says: This is very interesting indeed... I wonder what Chelsea are up to - either this is a desperate attempt to curry favour with the CL ref's after they failed to buy them (I doubt it as in a fair game they would lose) or it's an attempt to put the thought that 'Chelsea deserve it' and 'Chelsea don’t cheat' in the public mind to dampen any hoo-haa if there are any dodgy decisions in the favour of the Chavs.
[15/05/2008 10:23:16] dhjackal says: Mmmm
[15/05/2008 10:23:27] dhjackal says: i guess we'll find out on Wednesday
[15/05/2008 10:29:46] DogFace says: I await a Fergie response - he won't be able to help himself!
[15/05/2008 10:31:16] DogFace says: he's probably reading the papers now over his cornflakes - his hands shaking like crazy...
[15/05/2008 10:31:28] dhjackal says: i doubt it
[15/05/2008 10:31:38] DogFace says: ...then he has his triple scotch and the shakes calm down a bit!
[15/05/2008 10:31:55] dhjackal says: he's probably cleaning all the medals in his trophy cabinet - too busy to read the papers
[15/05/2008 10:32:26] DogFace says: I hope he doesn’t do it with his breath and a tissue or they'll melt!
[15/05/2008 14:04:41] dhjackal says: http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=535471&cc=5739
[15/05/2008 14:04:59] DogFace says: Yeah, yeah - old news.
[15/05/2008 14:05:06] dhjackal says: raped!
[15/05/2008 14:05:17] dhjackal says: at least it won't be by your own
[15/05/2008 14:05:37] DogFace says: We're pitting one fat pig against the other – although it doesn’t look good.
[15/05/2008 14:05:40] DogFace says: :-(

So this is Christmas...

The season is now officially over and we are once again without trophies – we did, however, play some proper football!

In years to come I wonder if anyone will remember this and talk about the Arsenal team of 2007-2008 being the best team that ever was not to win anything... will anyone ever know this or will the kids of the future just look at the form book and think we were shit?

No chance – those glorious games where we played total football will be scrunched up cast into the memory hole quicker than the Fett gets sucked into a Sarlacc... (you geek).

And much like Lucas and his disgraceful CGI tentacles; for the sake of ultimate profit, history itself will be retrofitted with the convenient truths of the boys with the cash who are clearly running this dirty little show.

So what do we Gooners have to look forward to this summer?

Hmmm... well – Flamini has gone and Hleb will probably go too... we’ll sign Ben Arfa (apparently) – or some billionaire might just spunk up some more cash and nick him at the last minute. Plus we will get another player with experience from another Premiership side!

*oooh – we wonder who* (seriously – I’ve no idea, not like Wenger at all)

I’m in two minds about Flamini... he clearly knows that, now Berlusconi is back in power, AC Milan will probably do the double – added to that they are offering him a sack of cash to train less, play every other game and not get kicked as much. What would you do? Sign for fucking Arsenal – that’s what I would do... little turd!

Hleb got outrageously tapped up by Inter and his agent is just an odious little cunt of the highest order – although, I do actually understand why Hleb would want to leave. I can’t blame him for not wanting to get kicked in the air all season long with no protection from the ref whatsoever. Thanks to the BBC’s ‘ban Hleb’ campaign masquerading as a match review; that slap on Murty was probably his final comment - well said... if a foreigner slaps an Englishman who deserves a slap the media will hang him. If an Englishman ruins a foreigner because he’s ‘a bit tricky’ then the media will say ‘ooh, what a terrible accident, you must be feeling rotten – have a cup of milky tea Mr. Taylor with two sugars, poor thing’.

Emirates cup here we come!

[12/05/2008 09:25:12] dhjackal says: one word
[12/05/2008 09:25:15] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[12/05/2008 09:49:04] DogFace says: *whatever*
[12/05/2008 14:32:18] dhjackal says: oi
[12/05/2008 14:32:26] DogFace says: Whaddup?
[12/05/2008 14:32:38] dhjackal says: Fulham might be in the Uefa cup next season
[12/05/2008 14:32:45] dhjackal says: through the fair play league
[12/05/2008 14:32:56] DogFace says: Really... I thought city had it in the baggie?
[12/05/2008 14:33:08] dhjackal says: Dunne got sent off y'day
[12/05/2008 14:33:18] DogFace says: Interesting - does that change anything though?
[13/05/2008 11:59:23] DogFace says: Ha - I see expectations of a classic encounter among the fans are running high:
[13/05/2008 11:59:27] DogFace says: http://www.thespoiler.co.uk/index.php/2008/05/13/chelsea-return-5000-champions-league-tickets
[13/05/2008 12:01:25] dhjackal says: ffs
[13/05/2008 12:01:35] dhjackal says: i was still looking at flights this morning
[13/05/2008 12:01:40] dhjackal says: £1000 minimum
[13/05/2008 12:01:52] dhjackal says: and that's without hotel or ticket for the game
[13/05/2008 12:02:07] dhjackal says: it's a fucking joke
[13/05/2008 12:02:18] DogFace says: Sleep rough – it should be nice and warm in Moscow this time of year.
[13/05/2008 12:02:23] dhjackal says: UEFA are a bunch of cunts
[13/05/2008 12:02:44] dhjackal says: to be honest i'm not worried about accommendation
[13/05/2008 12:02:57] dhjackal says: it's the £1000+ for flights and 3 days off work
[13/05/2008 12:03:10] dhjackal says: it'd cost me £2k easy
[13/05/2008 12:03:12] DogFace says: What - so you’re considering going?
[13/05/2008 12:03:17] dhjackal says: course
[13/05/2008 12:04:10] DogFace says: You would pay 2 grand and travel halfway around the world to watch your team get robbed blind by a shit Chelsea side?
[13/05/2008 12:04:27] dhjackal says: or see them win the champions league
[13/05/2008 12:05:04] DogFace says: True... true - that could happen also.
[13/05/2008 12:05:24] dhjackal says: exactly
[13/05/2008 12:05:30] DogFace says: But I doubt it.
[13/05/2008 12:05:42] dhjackal says: you doubt a lot of things
[13/05/2008 12:05:48] DogFace says: Good luck to you though - as Man-u are the better team.
[13/05/2008 12:05:58] dhjackal says: thanks
[13/05/2008 12:06:44] DogFace says: You realise that Roman is going to be spunking cash on this one - no holes barred to gain an advantage... and it's in Moscow - that's what would worry me if I was a manure fan.
[13/05/2008 12:06:57] dhjackal says: it does
[13/05/2008 12:07:06] dhjackal says: but you've just got to get on with it and hope we stick 2 goals in quick time
[13/05/2008 12:07:26] dhjackal says: and don;'t get fucked - if we do we do
[13/05/2008 12:07:36] DogFace says: Backs to the wall big time!
[13/05/2008 12:07:40] DogFace says: He has friends in some very high places over there.
[13/05/2008 12:07:41] dhjackal says: probably
[13/05/2008 12:07:55] dhjackal says: hopefully Vidic will ruin Drogba
[13/05/2008 12:07:55] DogFace says: Start a riot if you get robbed - make some history – reds Vs blues, proper old school!
[13/05/2008 12:08:05] dhjackal says: not over there
[13/05/2008 12:08:12] dhjackal says: tear gas and dogs job
[13/05/2008 12:08:18] DogFace says: Nah - you'll be ok; you’ll be on the vodka!
[13/05/2008 12:08:22] DogFace says: (chuckle)
[13/05/2008 12:08:25] dhjackal says: they'd love it
[13/05/2008 12:08:34] DogFace says: It would be great for the neutral - watching man-u and chav fans getting ripped to shit by dirty great big hounds!
[13/05/2008 12:08:36] dhjackal says: :-O
[13/05/2008 12:08:38] dhjackal says: i'm going to get smashed up in north london
[13/05/2008 12:08:45] dhjackal says: then head over the kings rd
[13/05/2008 12:08:58] dhjackal says: looking for the 5000 cunts who returned their tickets
[13/05/2008 12:18:52] dhjackal says: what you doing for lunch?
[13/05/2008 12:19:49] DogFace says: I’m open to suggestions... need cash.
[13/05/2008 12:20:24] dhjackal says: park to look at girls?
[13/05/2008 12:20:30] DogFace says: Yeah, swing by the sandwich shop first.

Raindrops keep falling on my head

Well, the Everton game wasn’t what I would call ‘total football’ – we beat Everton, but Everton were being nice, they only need 1 point to get into the UEFA cup and they played for the draw with the attitude: “if we get it then we get it otherwise we’ll get it in our last game against Newcastle” – Wenger put out a reserve type squad (to get them ready for next season I imagine) – nobody tried that hard... except Bentner – he tried too hard - but he got the goal, good lad!

I went to the match with PieFace and we met up with the Arsenal Intelligentsia FaceGroup hardcore in the Rocket for beers beforehand. They really are real people, not just computer text sprites as I suspected... thanks guys - we'll do it again next season!

The sun was shining and we sat in the beer garden... we had a laugh and drank strong lager from 4 pint plastic pitchers - the sun was also shining at the match. I got sunstroke. I nearly died. I am a pussy when it comes to sunshine. I should have worn a hat.

That night I lay in a puddle of sweat, my mind felt like a bag of pencils, broken thoughts jolting and clacking off each other, never connecting totally. Claire came up and asked me if I was alright – I didn’t understand her as the language centres had switched off… but at least I had stopped sweating – I said yes.

I had strange hallucinations that night – there was one about football that kept coming and going like the lapping tide of a land locked sea… it was important and very funny in some ways... tragic in others. Wenger was involved as was the stadium – but I can’t quite piece it all together now my mind is back in one piece.

I woke up with horrendous diarrhoea and Claire made me drink water that I didn’t want... I kept drinking and drinking but it never filled me or sloshed in my belly – halfway through the 5th pint I started to sweat again. It felt good.

My 2 y/o daughter, Sophia, came and sat with me and put Claire’s old stethoscope on my chest and listened to my heart beat for hours while Claire went to Hamleys to get a scooter and a penguin for her 3rd birhtday. She stroked my brow while she watched cbeebies and said that daddy was her best friend.

From: DogFace
Sent: 07 May 2008 12:57
To: PieFace
Subject: RE: Emirates Cup - Booking Confirmation

:-D

With regards to your email – not having a ‘rubbish’ team makes it less obvious... but that’s about it – the older players at the bridge are fully aware of what is going on, if not then they have not been very perceptive in their careers.

All I can say is Chelsea have effectively been given a 20 point advantage at the start of the season to reach second place – that’s how good a team they are!

--------------------------------------------------------
From: PieFace
Sent: 07 May 2008 12:05
To: DogFace
Subject: RE: Emirates Cup - Booking Confirmation

I'm suitably impressed - obviously I know that I'm not such a clever c*nt and therefore if I don't insert the asterisk this message won't get through.

--------------------------------------------------------
From: DogFace
Sent: 07 May 2008 11:52
To: PieFace
Subject: RE: Emirates Cup - Booking Confirmation

Basically – your email filter is thick as ѕhit and I’m a clever сunt.

--------------------------------------------------------
From: PieFace
Sent: 07 May 2008 11:49
To: DogFace
Subject: RE: Emirates Cup - Booking Confirmation

How this email got through our email filters with the unedited use of the f word, I do not know!

I'd say that you do need to have a good team and a good manager to begin with, and the cash bribes are the thing that gives you the edge over other similarly or better-talented rivals. If QPR don't improve their team next year, they haven't got a prayer of getting promoted to the Prem, even if all the match officials were paid off with the assistance of billionaire backers - fact. So saying that Chelsea are not a good team, that their players are talentless, and don't deserve to be in the CL final at all, is probably going to put you in the "conspiracy theorist nutter who doesn't know much about football" category.

Plus - it's not the players cheating their way to the titles - it is darker forces at work serving their own selfish interests - you can't give the pawns the credit for winning the chess match ... you can only criticise them if they have clearly decided to 'throw' matches and I haven't seen any evidence of that. Yet.

--------------------------------------------------------
From: DogFace
Sent: 07 May 2008 11:21
To: PieFace
Subject: FW: Emirates Cup - Booking Confirmation

The trouble is that pointing out to a football fan that his or her team is corrupt to the core and cheat their way to titles is likely to arouse some animosity... it’s like trying to convince the pope that there is no god even if you turned up at the Vatican with empirical proof, an alien, the resurrection of Bertrand Russell and a signed letter from god saying ‘I do not exist’. He would still say:

“Nahhh, don’t belive it mate – you’re a nutter... let’s just stick with this ‘Catholicism’ thing – after all, it seems to be working out ok for me, now fuсk off you atheist – you’re going to hell when you die, ha ha ha. Champions! Champions!”

--------------------------------------------------------
From: PieFace
Sent: 07 May 2008 11:00
To: DogFace; Chelsea Brian
Subject: RE: Emirates Cup - Booking Confirmation

Bro - there is nothing wrong with lively debate and I am sure that you relish the chance to expound your views.

*ding ding, seconds out, round one*

;-)

PieFace

--------------------------------------------------------
From: DogFace
Sent: 07 May 2008 10:56
To: PieFace; Chelsea Brian
Subject: RE: Emirates Cup - Booking Confirmation

OK – PieFace, Chelsea Brian - don’t get me started on the football otherwise we will fall out – our opinions are diametrically opposed and I will have no respect whatsoever for whomever wins the CL or the EPL as it all comes down to how much $$$ you have – nothing to do with football whatsoever...

...corruption in football is a subject of great concern to me and one that I feel very strongly about – I’m sure that you have been exposed to my mothers streak of ‘stubborn determination’ combined with ‘utter conviction’ when if came to matters or causes that she adopted (and, above all, knew she was right about) – well I have inherited that streak from her so you will know what to expect if you try and convince me otherwise, label or belittle my views.

So stop stirring it up PieFace!

:-)

--------------------------------------------------------
From: PieFace
Sent: 07 May 2008 10:23
To: Chelsea Brian; DogFace
Subject: RE: Emirates Cup - Booking Confirmation

Chelsea Brian - no doubt we will have a good chance to mull over the season and DogFace can dazzle you with his well-informed conspiracy theories when we see you! You can't say that Grant hasn't done a good job, even if he did promise champagne football and when that didn't work, quite sensible reverted to the effective winning football style that Mourinho integrated. You can't get as close as he has done to the Prem and CL titles without being a good manager. The fans should pay him respect where it is due.

PieFace

--------------------------------------------------------
From: Chelsea Brian
Sent: 06 May 2008 21:13
To: PieFace; DogFace
Subject: Re: Emirates Cup - Booking Confirmation

Hi lads
I can make and am really looking forward to meeting up on these days; I really enjoyed my pre-season visit to the Emirates last year and the fixtures for Day 2 this year promise to be just as entertaining. Thanks so very much fro including me in this.

Well - down to the wire on the Premiership - though I think for about the last 2 weeks most punters [Chelsea anyway] have been expecting it to finish level points with Man U edging it on goal difference. Fair Play to them - their football has been better overall than ours - although I do note that they have been beaten by more teams than we have and if the title is about supremacy over the competition...? Too old/jaded/parsimonious to go to Moscow for the Euro Final, although I think one of my sons is going. As a one-off I think we could well take that - particularly as I think for quite a few Chelsea players (Drogba, Lampard included) it will be their swansong and they will be up for it. Can't make out Grant - he looks so uninspiring and has made so many bad tactical/substitution changes, but I think he is improving and is starting to have the guts to for a result (pity he didn't do it with the Wigan and Tottenham league games - we could have been walking away with the title now). Still think it's the players leading though, which is never good, but then you look at the line-up and it's not really a surprise.

Look forward to seeing you soon.

Chelsea Brian

Your famous blue raincoat..

I want Chelsea to win the champions league 2008 for Lampard’s mum... well – his mum and a huge bribe... well - a series of huge bribes... and threats of physical violence...

...a series of huge bribes, threats of physical violence to friends and family of those concerned and the negatives of them cheating on their wives with an amazingly attractive $1000 p/h prostitute that was hired to meet them in a bar a pretend to really fancy them and shag them in a pre-arranged hotel room with a camera – that and incentives of promotion against threats of refereeing in the Siberian snow-ploughers league... the Man-u dressing room full of skin irritant, the water bottles full of dog-piss and all those guys up in the stands with the sniper scopes and Russian military grade phased television-invisible eye dazzle strobe pulse lasers – oh all that and a nice big plateful of Polonium prawn sandwiches...

...But most of all I want them to win it for Lampard’s mum – it brings a tear to my eye, football is such a pure sport these days, and so in touch with our basic humanity.

:'-\

...That and I really want to piss off dhjackal...

[01/05/2008 14:13:04] dhjackal says: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/m/man_utd/7377058.stm
[01/05/2008 14:16:13] DogFace says: blimey - Arsenal are 3rd rated most valuable club!!
[01/05/2008 14:16:21] dhjackal says: i know
[01/05/2008 14:17:01] DogFace says: I didn't think we would make the top 10
[01/05/2008 14:17:19] DogFace says: Chelsea in eighth
[01/05/2008 14:17:21] DogFace says: ha
[01/05/2008 14:17:27] DogFace says: shit club
[01/05/2008 14:17:38] dhjackal says: well since you've been screwing your fans out of every penny they have it's no wonder your in the top 3
[01/05/2008 14:17:53] DogFace says: Actually - we represent the best value for money...
[01/05/2008 14:18:10] DogFace says: ...for instance - you can actually watch a proper game of football at Arsenal.
[01/05/2008 14:18:20] dhjackal says: only if your playing United
[01/05/2008 14:18:34] DogFace says: Where as all your fans have to spend an extra £50 on petrol to get to every match.
[01/05/2008 14:19:22] DogFace says: So not only do we play proper football, we are cheaper and more environmentally friendly.
[01/05/2008 14:19:44] dhjackal says: but we get to watch the Champions
[01/05/2008 14:19:52] dhjackal says: oh and current CL finalists
[01/05/2008 14:19:59] DogFace says: We're not owned by American psychopaths who really DO want to screw the fans for every penny.
[01/05/2008 14:20:14] dhjackal says: worse your own are screwing you
[01/05/2008 14:20:20] dhjackal says: your own!
[01/05/2008 14:20:20] DogFace says: Yeah, yeah... it's all business for you.
[01/05/2008 14:20:36] DogFace says: i.e. you give us money we buy you ‘trophies’
[01/05/2008 14:20:44] DogFace says: mugs!
[01/05/2008 14:20:59] dhjackal says: you give us money we win trophies
[01/05/2008 14:21:03] dhjackal says: numpty
[01/05/2008 14:21:12] DogFace says: Do you want to watch football or buy trophies?
[01/05/2008 14:21:18] dhjackal says: lucky you got that PS3
[01/05/2008 14:21:22] DogFace says: Because that's your choice...
[01/05/2008 14:21:28] dhjackal says: esp as your season is over too.
[01/05/2008 14:22:04] DogFace says: ...watch pure football as it's meant to be i.e. honest and true to the game - or pay to watch the script in the ‘theatre of dreams’ – very apt.
[01/05/2008 14:22:26] DogFace says: Might I remind you that you have won nothing yet.
[01/05/2008 14:22:32] dhjackal says: you sound like Wenger
[01/05/2008 14:22:34] dhjackal says: bitter
[01/05/2008 14:23:04] DogFace says: It's wallets at dawn for Abramovic and Glazer...
[01/05/2008 14:23:54] DogFace says: ...like 2 fat pigs wrestling in their own shit - that's what the beautiful game has become for you.
[01/05/2008 14:26:20] dhjackal says: your 3rd richest in the world
[01/05/2008 14:26:29] DogFace says: We earned it.
[01/05/2008 14:26:35] dhjackal says: only difference is our owners give us something back
[01/05/2008 14:26:43] dhjackal says: in the form of transfer money
[01/05/2008 14:26:44] DogFace says: You are high on crack!
[01/05/2008 14:26:46] dhjackal says: to buy players
[01/05/2008 14:26:54] dhjackal says: you get NOTHING back
[01/05/2008 14:26:55] dhjackal says: N
[01/05/2008 14:26:56] dhjackal says: O
[01/05/2008 14:26:57] dhjackal says: T
[01/05/2008 14:26:58] dhjackal says: H
[01/05/2008 14:26:59] dhjackal says: I
[01/05/2008 14:27:00] dhjackal says: N
[01/05/2008 14:27:01] dhjackal says: G
[01/05/2008 14:27:15] DogFace says: Mate - you are selling the family jewels for short term profit...
[01/05/2008 14:27:40] dhjackal says: :^)
[01/05/2008 14:27:42] DogFace says: ...you are selling the family silver for a bag of cocaine then having a wild party with your mates to snort it all away...
[01/05/2008 14:27:49] DogFace says: ...what happens in the morning?
[01/05/2008 14:27:56] dhjackal says: short term
[01/05/2008 14:27:58] DogFace says: You're fucked!
[01/05/2008 14:28:04] dhjackal says: last season we won the league
[01/05/2008 14:28:23] dhjackal says: this season we've challenged on all fronts
[01/05/2008 14:28:31] DogFace says: You are a capitalist commodity.
[01/05/2008 14:28:32] dhjackal says: improvement
[01/05/2008 14:28:41] dhjackal says: and your a fool
[01/05/2008 14:28:45] dhjackal says: (rofl)
[01/05/2008 14:29:00] DogFace says: You will be used to make a few men more money than they can spend.
[01/05/2008 14:29:11] DogFace says: And then you will be dropped.
[01/05/2008 14:29:21] DogFace says: You are the fool and you know it.
[01/05/2008 14:29:41] dhjackal says: (shake)
[01/05/2008 14:29:55] DogFace says: If you think the Glazers want to 'gift' your club money for the fans you are clearly a fucking idiot. :-D
[01/05/2008 14:30:06] dhjackal says: your getting fucked by your own
[01/05/2008 14:30:07] DogFace says: Hang on - are you smoking crack right now, at your desk?
[01/05/2008 14:30:22] dhjackal says: fucked over
[01/05/2008 14:30:27] dhjackal says: arsenal on arsenal
[01/05/2008 14:30:31] DogFace says: We have integrity.
[01/05/2008 14:30:38] DogFace says: We pay for football - we get exactly what it says in the tin.
[01/05/2008 14:31:04] DogFace says: Season tickets at your club are 'loss leaders'.
[01/05/2008 14:31:15] DogFace says: Like a loaf of white-sliced...
[01/05/2008 14:31:28] DogFace says: ...which just about sums up your football:
[01/05/2008 14:31:30] DogFace says: Popular but shit.
[01/05/2008 14:31:35] dhjackal says: 40% corporate
[01/05/2008 14:31:37] dhjackal says: fans???
[01/05/2008 14:31:40] DogFace says: 40%?????
[01/05/2008 14:31:54] DogFace says: Back up your sources please.
[01/05/2008 14:31:54] dhjackal says: they're only there for free grub and beer
[01/05/2008 14:32:09] DogFace says: Ha – this coming from a London/Irish/Celtic ‘manc’ - your ‘fans’ are only there for the prawn sarnies; Man-u is the biggest collection of glory hunters there is - so don't start that shit.
[01/05/2008 14:33:09] dhjackal says: whatever
[01/05/2008 14:33:11] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[01/05/2008 14:33:23] DogFace says: Like that means anything mate?
[01/05/2008 14:33:31] DogFace says: Tell someone who cares.
[01/05/2008 14:33:40] DogFace says: Your gloating rights are null and void.
[01/05/2008 14:33:44] dhjackal says: bitter and twisted
[01/05/2008 14:33:45] dhjackal says: like a City fan
[01/05/2008 14:33:46] DogFace says: So what do you have left??
[01/05/2008 14:33:47] DogFace says: N
[01/05/2008 14:33:51] DogFace says: O
[01/05/2008 14:33:52] DogFace says: T
[01/05/2008 14:33:53] DogFace says: H
[01/05/2008 14:33:54] DogFace says: I
[01/05/2008 14:33:55] DogFace says: N
[01/05/2008 14:33:56] DogFace says: G
[01/05/2008 14:33:57] DogFace says: !
[01/05/2008 14:34:25] dhjackal says: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/a/arsenal/7377052.stm
[01/05/2008 14:34:26] dhjackal says: Rats
[01/05/2008 14:34:31] dhjackal says: and sinking
[01/05/2008 14:34:34] dhjackal says: ship
[01/05/2008 14:34:56] DogFace says: oh right... first we are 3rd most valuable - and now we are a sinking ship?