I'm gonna get my face on the 6 'o' clock news..

HA – I must be cursed in my predictions, or blessed... I suspected extra time, possibly penalties – but I never expected Spain to go though! Italy OUT, that's right – say it again O-U-T!!! It was a shit old match, not just because Italy put 10 men behind the ball and hoofed it at Toni but also because Spain, who were actually trying to have a bit of a game and got nowt from the ref all match... by my reckoning they should have had 2 penalties and a number of free kicks from scoring positions around the area denied them in what was a clearly biased officiated game in the favour of Italy.

*ARSENAL NEWS*

Fabregas was awesome against Italy – after all he knows how games like this go from playing with Arsenal and going up against shit-kicker teams like Italy while getting the wrong end of decisions all season – he also knows what you have to do to get a result – i.e. don't give up, just keep playing and make your chances. He also got the 'bonus ball' in the penalty shoot out that sent the Italians home... I love it when Fabregas scores important goals – his eyes go mental like there's a wild animal trying to burst out of him. Proper passion – fucking respect that!

Do you think that he might get to start a match now?

Spain aren't out of the woods yet however as Russia will be in mid-sprint to Vienna to knock them out and then jog around the city a few times before the Russia/Germany final... after that they'll all sprint back to Russia – apart from Andrei Arshavin who'll be running at full pelt the other way pausing only momentarily to do 300 press-ups and take his vitamins.

"The light that burns twice as bright burns for half as long and you have burned so very, very brightly..." – Tyrell

"I don't want to use big words but it is almost a miracle" - Hiddink

"If he dies, he dies" – Drago

Roll on Wednesday.

[23/06/2008 09:27:43] DogFace says: http://footballisfixed.blogspot.com/2008/06/its-official-ferguson-to-manage-great.html
[23/06/2008 09:32:44] dhjackal says: what a load of utter pig shit
[23/06/2008 09:32:53] DogFace says: ...ha-ha-ha...
[23/06/2008 09:32:58] DogFace says: Watch it happen!

Oh Milli Takim Ole Ole!

If there is one thing worse than losing all your cash on what you thought was a sure thing – then that’s losing all your cash on what you thought was a sure thing and having the north London Turkish community rub it right in your face.

There are many communities in North London – forget the Islington stereotypes of organic yoga and Tony Blair, Islington sprawls further than N1... it goes all the way down the Holloway road through N5 to N7... which is where I am.

There are many nationalities, races, communities, religions, perversions, addictions and ‘ways of life’ represented here – you name it and it’ll be walking down the Holloway road at some point on a Saturday afternoon (usually wearing an Arsenal shirt).

Two such nationality-based communities that are particularly well represented ‘round our way’ are the Greeks and the Turks... for some reason they don’t get on very well... they have some ‘history’ apparently.

The road I live in is on the Greek/Turkish divide and, the other night we had all the pissed up Turkish community driving up and down until the early hours of the morning honking their horns, windows down and playing some cheesy Turkish pop song (I assume that it’s the Turkish version of ‘3 lions’).

Their was a fight at one point when the Greek members of the street (we live predominantly Greek road) all piled out to give the Turks a good hiding for parking up at 2:30 am, stereo on full blast with all the doors open whilst standing on the roof, singing their lungs out.

Spawny bastards... you woke my kids up – twice... The match looked hard – I don’t know how Turkey do it – oh wait, yes I do! It’s good to see that they got the ‘power-aid’ mixture right this time and nobody got sent off for flipping out with their eyes rolling around their heads whilst chewing their cheeks out... that’s progress!

On to another Match – last night’s game with Russia and Holland... how did Russia do it? They looked so fresh-legged – for the whole game... and that was with much less of a break and harder matches than the Dutch - I know that they are a young squad but – they just kept running like machines!

So that’s all my money gone... well apart from the sweepstake at work, I’m still in that with Russia... I also put a bet on pre-tournament on what was then a considerable long shot – this was on the advice of The Joker... if that comes off then I’ll be up and then some. But – in all honesty, I doubt that they will get past Italy.

Which brings us neatly on to tonight’s match:

Spain v Italy @ Vienna

Italy to get through – nothing to do with form, skill, fitness or football or anything like that – Italy will have prepared for this and Spain just don’t have the clout. I’ll be watching carefully... and wondering where it all went wrong?

Everybody has the right to be wrong!

Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck!!

Can someone help me out here? What out of the following 3 would constitute 'the most useless':

• The Portuguese defence
• A nuns tits
• A one legged man in an arse kicking contest

Scolari, I’m glad you are going to Chelsea as you can teach them how to make the most basic schoolboy errors when defending set pieces... what was going on – I don’t understand it!?
Essentially, I read the match dynamic pretty much right – and at half time I was fairly confident that my ship would be sailing home. The third German goal (the softest of the goals) ended that. It came at a bad time too – just as the German legs were looking tired the Portuguese accepted defeat and put their heads down. They bottled it. Some people might say that the third German goal was a foul – but, to me honest, the defender jumped too early and the keeper should have been there, so there were too many basic fuckups to even bother about whether it was a foul or not. Scolari, you’re the manager – why didn’t you sort it out and manage? Why were you on your arse in the dugout five minutes before your team hit the pitch? Did you really have NOTHING else to say to them – or were you too busy dreaming of blue roubles to care?

Blah - congratulations Germany, you bastards.

Still – I clawed back a bit of cash with a punt on the ‘winning margin’ being 1 goal – so I’m now only 44% down on my tenner from last night.

Tonight I need to flip a coin, roll a dice and double through... ha – maybe I’ll look into ‘first corner’ and let it all ride – it would have saved me 85 minutes of stress/despair watching last nights match.

*tilt*

Ok, ok – calm, ‘win some lose some’ remember... let’s look at this logically:

Quarter-final - Croatia v Turkey @ Vienna

Result: Croatia will smash Turkey, 3-1
Reasons: Instinct.

[20/06/2008 09:11:32] DogFace says: dah
[20/06/2008 09:11:53] DogFace says: it was looking so good until Germany got the 3rd and then they gave up!
[20/06/2008 09:12:01] DogFace says: Fucking Portugal!!
[20/06/2008 09:18:03] dhjackal says: well you wouldn't listen
[20/06/2008 09:18:20] DogFace says: meh
[20/06/2008 09:18:47] DogFace says: You should have told me that Portugal were weak on set pieces!!!
[20/06/2008 09:18:58] DogFace says: Rather than just saying that ‘Germany will win’!
[20/06/2008 09:19:36] dhjackal says: i told you portugal would bottle it
[20/06/2008 09:19:39] dhjackal says: and they did
[20/06/2008 09:20:33] DogFace says: OK - I accept that, but next time tell me how they will bottle it. I didn't know they were THAT bad at the back!
[20/06/2008 09:23:33] dhjackal says: Spain are just as bad
[20/06/2008 09:23:40] dhjackal says: esp without Payol
[20/06/2008 09:26:16] DogFace says: Yeah... I reckon you might be right - although Fabregas can drop back when he needs to, to help out a bit, he's been doing that last season with Arsenal... but still - Italy.. I hope Spain make it a tough match for them at least.
[20/06/2008 09:34:29] dhjackal says: your over analysing again
[20/06/2008 09:37:38] DogFace says: ha-ha
[20/06/2008 09:37:44] DogFace says: Just go with instinct right?
[20/06/2008 09:38:00] DogFace says: OK - so tonight: Quarter-final - Croatia v Turkey @ Vienna
[20/06/2008 09:38:10] DogFace says: Croatia are going to SMASH them!
[20/06/2008 09:38:29] DogFace says: That's my instinct.
[20/06/2008 09:39:04] dhjackal says: i agree
[20/06/2008 09:39:13] dhjackal says: now stick to your instinct
[20/06/2008 09:39:15] DogFace says: Then it's settled?
[20/06/2008 09:39:21] dhjackal says: and stick some cash down
[20/06/2008 09:39:26] dhjackal says: if you lose you lose
[20/06/2008 09:39:30] dhjackal says: like Rocky
[20/06/2008 09:40:05] DogFace says: I’m going to - I'm down 44% on last night... clawed some back on "Winning Margain".
[20/06/2008 09:40:26] DogFace says: Yeah man - like Rocky!
[20/06/2008 09:40:57] DogFace says: All I need now is a little Irish fellah barking orders at me and telling me that I'm going to eat lightning and crap thunder...
[20/06/2008 09:41:34] dhjackal says: sounds like a perfect role for me
[20/06/2008 09:41:50] dhjackal says: i need to drink more peat water to redden up my face
[20/06/2008 09:42:21] DogFace says: hahaha
[20/06/2008 09:43:15] DogFace says: OK - this is where it starts. The big comeback - tonight my cash is going down heavy on Croatia!
[20/06/2008 09:43:38] DogFace says: Gettin' strong now (music) ba dah daaah!
[20/06/2008 09:44:01] dhjackal says: how much?
[20/06/2008 09:44:20] DogFace says: Whatever's left... £6.63
[20/06/2008 09:44:35] DogFace says: Should I invest some more?
[20/06/2008 09:44:35] dhjackal says: not exactly breaking the bank are you?
[20/06/2008 09:44:41] dhjackal says: stick £5 for me
[20/06/2008 09:44:55] DogFace says: I thought I would be a bit more up after last night!
[20/06/2008 09:45:36] dhjackal says: i would have been
[20/06/2008 09:45:38] DogFace says: OK - £5 on Croatia win. I'll do it @ lunch.
[20/06/2008 09:45:41] dhjackal says: had i been at home
[20/06/2008 09:45:45] dhjackal says: ok - nice one
[20/06/2008 09:45:51] dhjackal says: what you doing for lunch?
[20/06/2008 09:46:09] DogFace says: Dunno - maybe we could round up the boys and get Thai?
[20/06/2008 09:46:23] dhjackal says: fancy a sneeky (beer)
[20/06/2008 09:46:29] DogFace says: Yeah man!
[20/06/2008 09:47:13] DogFace says: I just got some mentally un-taxing work to do this afternoon - so that'll make it fly by.
[20/06/2008 09:51:17] dhjackal says: wicked
[20/06/2008 09:51:25] dhjackal says: i'll round up some bodies
[20/06/2008 09:51:30] DogFace says: Do it.
[20/06/2008 09:51:33] dhjackal says: we'll hit the Uni
[20/06/2008 09:51:36] dhjackal says: hard
[20/06/2008 09:51:50] DogFace says: And smash it to splinters!
[20/06/2008 09:52:24] dhjackal says: 8-)

Somewhere in the ancient mystic trinity...

Right, let’s get serious. It’s the first of the proper games where it all counts and we can safely assume that everyone will be going for it. Let's move on swiftly to tonights fixture :

Quarter-final: Portugal v Germany @ Basel

I’ve tried to compile up some stats to inform me a bit more where my cash should go, but it’s very hard to find them? Why can’t I find these figures anywhere – surely it’s of interest?
Anyway – those I couldn’t find I took a guess at... I wanted many more stats but it was too much work (while trying to do actual work).

I have tried to make some 'Top Trumps' style stats, check it out:

Referee: Peter Fröjdfeldt (SWE)
Linesmen: Stefan Wittberg (SWE), Henrik Andren (SWE)
Fourth Official: ???

Expected officiating style: Card happy

Portugal
Last Game Played: 15 June 2008
Last Game Physicality: Easy
Last Game % of 'First team' used: 33%
Yellow Cards: 5 (Jose Bosingwa, Paulo Ferreira, Fernando Meira, Miguel, Jorge Ribeiro)
Red Cards: N/A
Average Team Age: 26.03184524
Average Team Height: Not Lanky
Average Team Weight: Average

Germany
Last Game Played: 16 June 2008
Last Game Physicality: Hard
Last Game % of 'First team' used: High
Yellow Cards: 3 (Bastian Schweinsteiger, Michael Ballack, Jens Lehmann)
Red Cards: 1 (Bastian Schweinsteiger)
Average Team Age: 27.32529762
Average Team Height: 6'1
Average Team Weight: Big lads

So – as you can see Portugal look to have the edge here... add to that – the German manager has been banned from the touchline (I think, is he still?). I remember Basel not being a particularly fast pitch... in fact it was a fucking swamp the last time I saw it. But maybe they’ll ring it out and cut the grass a bit for this match. Anyone know what the weather will be doing?

Breaking news:

• Holding midfielder Frings is a major doubt with fractured ribs, while Podolski has a calf problem.
• The pitch in Basel for the game has been relaid after heavy rain and Germany have decided not to train on the St Jakob Park turf the day before the game.

I reckon Portugal will win as they have had an extra days rest and they didn’t even turn up to the last match they played. Germany will be giving away a couple of years and will start feeling it in the legs in the second half - especially if the pitch is heavy - so Portugal will have to attack, attack, attack - they won’t be able to mark them out of the game for the full 90 minutes if they do that. Germany will look for space around the area on the break and be belting them in... but I can’t see them actually pushing forward past the 20 minute mark.

My instinct says Germany... but the facts say Portugal - so Portugal by a goal.

My money is down... please let me be right or its back to that smegging, smart-arse dice again.

Good luck!

*ARSENAL NEWS*

We have semi-officially signed Nasri... but we already knew that. Also Barcelona are in semi-official talks over Hleb. They have also stated their intention of signing Adebayor for 24 million quid. Could Wenger be setting up some kind of deal with a player swap involved? I would probably think so... still – I would like to keep Ade as he is a proven EPL goal scorer, give him another season or two and he’ll be better than Drogba at his peak with a considerable age advantage – so, 24,000,000 don’t seem that much... worry, worry, worry.

:-S

Denis Denis, I'm so in love with you...

It makes me glad that I didn't have money on that but how can you predict a bonkers France team selection (maybe I could have predicted that), a sending off with an Italy penalty, a key injury in Ribery (glad we didn't buy him now) and an Henry own goal? Well - at least we got to see Henry score... classic stuff, back to goal with a lickle flick on from 30 yards out to send the keeper the wrong way... I did say roll a dice!

France needs to rebuild... I would start with the manager who seems to have, and let's be fair to him, lost the fucking plot! Denis Denis, je suis si folle de toi!

The other game was better and I mostly watched that one. The Dutch are clearly on fire – with a B(ish) team they destroyed Romania who, despite being knackered from the previous match, are still pretty good... Although – this may come back to bite them in the semis, personally I would have taken it easy and let them win, knocking out Italy and France as a bonus – (obvious init?) hence my prediction, I read it wrong - sorry... Still – RvP eh? Nice goal!

On to tonight's matches – Let's look at the group:

Group D P GD PTS
1 Spain 2 4 6
2 Sweden 2 1 3
3 Russia 2 -2 3
4 Greece 2 -3 0

So it's a straight punch out between Sweden and Russia, Sweden only requiring a draw to go through... and, because I'm clearly so shit at this, I'm going to consult the dice again:

Greece v Spain @ Salzburg
Referee: Howard Webb (ENG)
Assistant referees: Darren Cann (ENG), Mike Mullarkey (ENG),
Fourth official: Stéphane Lannoy (FRA)

The die says: Spain... by 3. (ha - no chance!)

Russia v Sweden @ Innsbruck
Referee: Frank de Bleeckere (BEL)
Assistant referees: Peter Hermans (BEL), Alex Verstraeten (BEL)
Fourth official: Kristinn Jakobsson (ICE)

The die says Russia... by 1 (fuck that – I would be on the draw!).

The dice are clearly having a laugh. So unless you have some kind of inside info – I would steer clear. I may have to invest another tenner for the next round so I can put my money where my mouth is... I reckon it'll be more predictable now that we know the form.

[18/06/2008 09:43:53] dhjackal says: When Jonny goes marching down the wing
[18/06/2008 09:43:57] dhjackal says: O'Shea! O'Shea!
[18/06/2008 09:44:00] dhjackal says: When Jonny goes marching down the wing
[18/06/2008 09:44:05] dhjackal says: O'Shea! O'Shea!
[18/06/2008 09:44:15] DogFace says: What you talking about Willis?
[18/06/2008 09:44:18] dhjackal says: When Jonny goes marching down the wing the stretford end will f*ckin sing...
We all know that Jonny's going to score!
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na!
[18/06/2008 09:44:41] dhjackal says: repeat until your face bursts
[18/06/2008 09:48:12] DogFace says: Again, what are you on about?
[18/06/2008 09:48:25] dhjackal says: John O'Shea
[18/06/2008 09:48:29] dhjackal says: it's obvious
[18/06/2008 09:48:47] DogFace says: Yeah... so - did he score a goal or something?
[18/06/2008 09:48:55] dhjackal says: course he did
[18/06/2008 09:49:01] dhjackal says: he always scores
[18/06/2008 09:49:16] dhjackal says: i remember him sticking a volley in the net against you at Highbury when we smashed you up 4-2
[18/06/2008 09:53:38] DogFace says: OK... so - did he score recently?
[18/06/2008 09:53:42] DogFace says: i.e. what are you on about?
[18/06/2008 09:56:31] dhjackal says: last time he scored was against Liverpool at Anfield which essentially won us the league
[18/06/2008 09:56:50] dhjackal says: he's a legend
[18/06/2008 09:57:06] DogFace says: So why are you singing about him this morning? Did he die?
[18/06/2008 09:57:17] dhjackal says: I'm singing about him because he's a legend
[18/06/2008 09:57:28] DogFace says: ...gotcha...
[18/06/2008 09:57:37] dhjackal says: your an Arsenal fan
[18/06/2008 09:57:45] dhjackal says: you only sing when people die
[18/06/2008 09:57:47] DogFace says: Went down the lane - The other night
[18/06/2008 09:58:05] DogFace says: To tell all the scum - we got a new Ian Wright.
[18/06/2008 09:58:14] DogFace says: They said to me - well how can that be?
[18/06/2008 09:58:32] DogFace says: I said to them - we got Thierry Henry!
[18/06/2008 09:59:10] dhjackal says: His son's a robbing little shite bag - Ian Wright.
[18/06/2008 09:59:26] dhjackal says: thiving fucking gipsy
[18/06/2008 09:59:37] DogFace says: Eh - what's he done?
[18/06/2008 09:59:47] dhjackal says: he's been arrested for robbery
[18/06/2008 09:59:57] DogFace says: When?
[18/06/2008 10:00:05] dhjackal says: 3 mobile phones, £130 and a packet of ciggys
[18/06/2008 10:00:12] dhjackal says: what a fucking idiot
[18/06/2008 10:00:14] DogFace says: What Sean?
[18/06/2008 10:00:18] dhjackal says: no
[18/06/2008 10:00:26] DogFace says: Well I was going to say... apart from taking the Chav rouble and his choice of car, Sean seems fairly sensible.
[18/06/2008 10:00:28] dhjackal says: the other little fuckwit
[18/06/2008 10:00:40] DogFace says: Well... his dad was also a bit of a scallywag when he was a lad.
[18/06/2008 10:01:00] dhjackal says: Thiving South London gipsies
[18/06/2008 10:01:31] DogFace says: Is it 'gypsies' or 'gipsies'... or something else?
[18/06/2008 10:01:45] dhjackal says: who cares
[18/06/2008 10:02:06] DogFace says: Well - now they are out of Eurovision 2008 – nobody... look, if you're going to get all 'essentialist' on me you should at least get your labels right - you pig tickling potato eater.
[18/06/2008 10:02:08] DogFace says: Oh FFS: "Barcelona president Joan Laporta has sanctioned a £24m move for Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor in a bid to beat off competition from AC Milan."
[18/06/2008 10:02:10] dhjackal says: oh well
[18/06/2008 10:02:25] DogFace says: How about this then: "Manchester United's owners have again come out and said Cristiano Ronaldo is not for sale at any price, despite Real Madrid being prepared to pay up to £70m for the Portuguese star."
[18/06/2008 10:02:44] DogFace says: "But Real Madrid will pay any fines Ronaldo picks up if he stays away from Old Trafford when the United players report back for pre-season training in a bid to lure him to Bernabeu..."
[18/06/2008 10:07:43] dhjackal says: what a bunch of cunts
[18/06/2008 10:08:15] DogFace says: It's all media noise to engineer consent in the fanbase – establish that SAF and the board are 'proper geezers' and CR is a spoiled little twat, then do the deal... ker-ching!
[18/06/2008 10:08:22] dhjackal says: whatever
[18/06/2008 10:08:35] dhjackal says: Italy are going to beat Spain
[18/06/2008 10:08:45] dhjackal says: and Germany are going to beat Portugal
[18/06/2008 10:08:53] dhjackal says: it's in the stars
[18/06/2008 10:09:37] DogFace says: Spain will smash Italy... yes - I think that Germany could beat the Portuguese.
[18/06/2008 10:10:21] DogFace says: Portugal hasn't really been tested yet.
[18/06/2008 10:10:48] DogFace says: What about Croatia/Turkey?
[18/06/2008 10:10:52] dhjackal says: Italy will win
[18/06/2008 10:10:59] DogFace says: You reckon?
[18/06/2008 10:11:02] dhjackal says: yes - mark my words
[18/06/2008 10:11:05] DogFace says: What's your rationale?
[18/06/2008 10:11:14] dhjackal says: Spain are going to bottle it and Italy have the experience
[18/06/2008 10:11:28] DogFace says: I see...
[18/06/2008 10:11:37] dhjackal says: i'm lumping on
[18/06/2008 10:11:40] DogFace says: Spain have got some talent though?
[18/06/2008 10:11:53] dhjackal says: Croatia should beat Turkey
[18/06/2008 10:11:59] DogFace says: Yes well...
[18/06/2008 10:12:07] DogFace says: ...it depends on the half time oranges!
[18/06/2008 10:12:01] dhjackal says: talent counts for little when you've got a cock up your arse
[18/06/2008 10:12:34] dhjackal says: they're going to get it big time
[18/06/2008 10:12:46] DogFace says: So are you saying that all the Spanish team are taking it up the arse or Italy will bend them over and pound them silly?
[18/06/2008 10:14:26] dhjackal says: both
[18/06/2008 10:14:39] DogFace says: Spain also haven't had a real test yet... where as Italy will be feeling confident. Italy are notorious 'slow starters' - so... hmmmmm. I have been more impressed with Spain though.
[18/06/2008 10:14:42] dhjackal says: esp that little punk Torres
[18/06/2008 10:14:57] dhjackal says: fuck Spain they're finished
[18/06/2008 10:15:02] DogFace says: They have too much of the scouse in their side...
[18/06/2008 10:15:09] dhjackal says: that's another thing
[18/06/2008 10:15:18] DogFace says: 7 or 8 Liverpool players?
[18/06/2008 10:15:26] dhjackal says: Italia
[18/06/2008 10:15:31] dhjackal says: Italia
[18/06/2008 10:15:33] dhjackal says: Italia
[18/06/2008 10:15:33] dhjackal says: Italia
[18/06/2008 10:16:20] DogFace says: So - who will Holland face?
[18/06/2008 10:18:49] DogFace says: Russia or Sweden?
[18/06/2008 10:18:59] dhjackal says: tough one
[18/06/2008 10:19:16] DogFace says: yes.
[18/06/2008 10:20:24] DogFace says: Andrei Arshavin is back after the ban.
[18/06/2008 10:20:30] dhjackal says: yeah
[18/06/2008 10:20:38] dhjackal says: i'm trying to call it - but it's difficult
[18/06/2008 10:21:04] DogFace says: It's going to come down to fitness or dodgyness.
[18/06/2008 10:21:33] dhjackal says: not if your 3 up at half time - you keep going on about this
[18/06/2008 10:21:42] DogFace says: If you play so many matches so close it really does make a difference.
[18/06/2008 10:22:07] DogFace says: Look at Turkey down by 2 goals... and then what?
[18/06/2008 10:22:14] dhjackal says: freak mistake by the goalie let them back in
[18/06/2008 10:22:35] DogFace says: A quick glug of 'go-go juice' at half time and they are bouncing around like spring lambs!
[18/06/2008 10:23:01] dhjackal says: and destroyed their morale
[18/06/2008 10:23:19] DogFace says: They were on the Redbull mate!
[18/06/2008 10:23:30] dhjackal says: it gives you wings
[18/06/2008 10:23:35] DogFace says: hahaha - that it does... that it does.

Roast fish and cornbread

Meh... I'm going to stick with rolling the dice in future. I didn't get to see the second half of either game as the missus wanted to watch a program about chav parents that only feed their kids chocolate, jelly babies and unhappy meals because "they won't eat nuffink else"... here's a clue – don't buy anymore brown vegetable fat (masquerading as chocolate), crisps or 4 litre bottles of luminous aerated fluids and pack your fucking cupboards out with them... try fresh fruit, vegetables and meat instead and pluck/skin, chop and cook it – maybe you could source it from your local market or game dealer (they do exist) and WALK there like all the middle class people who are eating better, healthier (and fucking 'trendier') than you for less money - do you know how much it costs to make a proper nice soup and a loaf of bread using only a few basic ingredients, a saucepan and an oven – about as much as a pack of hulk yogurts (18% dairy) and some 'cheese' strings... or a 20 B&H. You could even get the kids involved, make it fun and stretch their imaginations... or maybe not and your kids will turn out to be fat, useless, brain-dead automatons – just like you... it's like genetics except your kids are inheriting your stupid pig-headed stubborn fucking ignorance. Jesus Christ – look in the mirror – WAKE UP! YOUR CHILDREN ARE YOUR ONLY LEGACY!

Hang on – what the fuck am I on about... this is a football blog!??! Nothing gets me shouting at the telly more than adverts, documentaries and football.

Right, so, I gave rubbish tips yesterday – I admit... but what about tonight? Let's check out the group:

Group C P GD PTS
1 Netherlands 2 6 6
2 Romania 2 0 2
3 France 2 -3 1
4 Italy 2 -3 1

This is interesting... Romania just needs to beat a team that have already qualified top to go through! My, my, my... where as there is a 'Grudge Match' replay of the world cup final happening at the same time!

France v Italy @ Zurich
Hmm, avoid this match or roll the dice – France I reckon... even though they're bonkers, I'd like to see Henry score... it won't matter though because:

Netherlands v Romania @ Berne
Romania all the way baby – COME ON ROMANIA! Go on Netherlands – give 'em a chance... RvP to start maybe?

Now... what game should I watch?

[17/06/2008 13:34:17] DogFace says: Who for tonight?
[17/06/2008 13:34:32] DogFace says: France/Italy & Netherlands/Romania
[17/06/2008 13:35:12] dhjackal says: tough one tonight
[17/06/2008 13:35:19] DogFace says: I agree...
[17/06/2008 13:35:26] dhjackal says: i'm staying away
[17/06/2008 13:35:27] DogFace says: France & Romania?
[17/06/2008 13:35:52] dhjackal says: France have the best National anthem
[17/06/2008 13:36:03] DogFace says: Yeah - it's good.
[17/06/2008 13:36:19] dhjackal says: for a bunch of surrender monkeys
[17/06/2008 13:36:31] DogFace says: Yup... also, Netherlands play in orange.
[17/06/2008 13:37:14] DogFace says: Romania need a win - a draw could take them through.
[17/06/2008 13:37:21] dhjackal says: could
[17/06/2008 13:37:24] DogFace says: But only if Italy & France draw.
[17/06/2008 13:37:29] dhjackal says: which they might
[17/06/2008 13:37:38] DogFace says: Where as Netherlands have finished top win/lose/draw...
[17/06/2008 13:37:52] DogFace says: ...so I doubt that they'll be up for a battle.
[17/06/2008 13:38:46] dhjackal says: probably
[17/06/2008 13:39:47] DogFace says: Fuck... I reckon Romania have to do it!
[17/06/2008 13:40:21] dhjackal says: you might be right
[17/06/2008 13:40:23] DogFace says: It's up for grabs!
[17/06/2008 13:41:09] DogFace says: Those boys will be thinking - if we do this then some EPL team might want to pay up 50k a week!
[17/06/2008 13:41:40] DogFace says: Which is better than their current salary of half a pig and a box of carrots.
[17/06/2008 13:45:04] dhjackal says: Mmmm pig
[17/06/2008 14:13:06] DogFace says: Manager Sir Alex Ferguson is furious with Manchester United's fixture list for 2008/09 as his side face away trips after all six Champions League group games.
[17/06/2008 14:13:31] dhjackal says: it's always the same
[17/06/2008 14:13:41] dhjackal says: we get screwed every season
[17/06/2008 14:13:47] DogFace says: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!
[17/06/2008 14:13:52] dhjackal says: BUT
[17/06/2008 14:14:00] DogFace says: that's the funniest thing I ever heard!
[17/06/2008 14:14:01] dhjackal says: we'll still win
[17/06/2008 14:14:05] DogFace says: (rofl)
[17/06/2008 14:14:12] DogFace says: "we get screwed every season"
[17/06/2008 14:14:13] dhjackal says: against all the odds
[17/06/2008 14:14:18] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[17/06/2008 14:14:24] DogFace says: Mate - you don't know you're born!
[17/06/2008 14:14:26] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
[17/06/2008 14:14:33] dhjackal says: your right
[17/06/2008 14:14:36] dhjackal says: (party)
[17/06/2008 14:14:39] dhjackal says: (dance)
[17/06/2008 14:14:43] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
[17/06/2008 14:14:44] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
[17/06/2008 14:14:45] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
[17/06/2008 14:14:46] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
[17/06/2008 14:14:46] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
[17/06/2008 14:14:53] DogFace says: (finger)

We are all bourgeois now.

You know... just when I was beginning to thing that the standard of officialdom in the Eurovision Soccer Contest was 'ok', along comes Roberto Rosetti and Howard Webb to set the record straight – I've already covered the Webb debacle in the previous post – but it is worth bearing in mind these two officials as the tournament progresses as they are likely to change the dynamic of the match. So - think carefully before putting your cash down...

I got the Russia Vs. Greece game correct alas I didn't put any cash down... I also predicted the Turkey Vs. Czech Republic outcome (I don't know how they won as I only saw the first half and they were taking a beating) – again, no cash so no bet (see previous posts somewhere).

...This makes me a sad panda...

Let's look back at the Russia v Greece game... Roberto Rosetti gave the Russians absolutely everything. His linesmen gave Greece absolutely nothing (including the legitimate goal they scored). The words 'flag happy' spring to mind – I even think that the talking heads in the studio mentioned it – it was that obvious. For a laugh, it's worth googling "Rosetti" and "corruption" with "football" just to see what you come up with...?

The wiki for Rosetti is a laugh too with this quote:

"Rosetti also officiated at the Champions's League semi-final between Chelsea and Liverpool at Stamford Bridge on April 30, 2008, earning the praise of UK television and radio commentators for his control of the game."

Ha ha... let's forget for a moment that commentators talk 99% shit and read that again carefully... Oh yeah!

Wait just a minute... Chelsea, Abramovic, Russia! Eee gads!

As I said – watch out for these two boys (along with their henchmen), as they are the 'hit men' of this competition and are likely to get selected at the last minute to officiate on matches where "a job" needs doing.

In case you were wondering – we live in an energy economy and Russia has all the gas... so it's best to keep them sweet... you dig?

Suggested chant for the Russians: "Stand up, if you've got all the gas, Stand up, if you've got all the gas, Stand up..."

I must apologise for not posting over the weekend... I was busy – it was Fathers day and all that bollocks – Sophia made me a nice card with stickers on it and a picture of me carrying her on my shoulders... so the card industry who invented this day in the first place did not profit from it – which is the way it should be... in fact never buy any card ever - make them, it's nice. The only reason people seem to celebrate anything these days is if there is some fucking industry built up around it and ramming it down our necks.

I spoke to the boys this morning about father's day, what they did, etc – I didn't get my dad a card as he fucked off when I was 4 - I still see him... but y'know, dhjackal has a similar patriarchal experience but he bought his old man a card anyway... Iraqi_Ali casually informed us that his dad was executed when he was 4... but added, in an attempt to fill the stunned silence:

"No, it's ok – most peoples dad's I know where executed so it's no big deal..."

It's just a question of what you are used to I suppose... where you come from and where you are going. He loves England, like it's the 'golden country'; he can leave at anytime – where as I was born into this place and it pisses me right off.

It makes you wonder though, how many fathers day cards the Baghdad branch of WHSmith sold this year? Maybe that was the reason behind the occupation?

Iraqi_Ali has many stories to tell – he told us once that in Iraq you can get a boiled sheep head for breakfast and you just pick off the face meat and drink the soup. I asked him if you ate the eyes and he told me that if you ate the eyes it was a grave insult to your host and you would probably get shot – apparently it's a round-about way of insinuating that you are banging his missus and daughters at the same time. I suspect he's taking the piss.

*ARSENAL NEWS*

Today is fixtures day! It's the day when all the randomised fixtures come out – I wouldn't bother with them too much though as there didn't seem to be much in the way of Grand Slam Sunday's or Showdown Saturday's – so Sky, Setanta and the bookies will probably get their heads together to rearrange a few things in order to get maximum control/profit.

Our first match is West Brom at home... which is going to be interesting as they will be out to kick the shit out of us. It's going to be a good marker to see how the rest of our season might go... I wonder who's officiating that one?

RIGHT – onto tonight's fixtures, let's look at the group:

Group B
P GD PTS
1 Croatia 2 2 6
2 Germany 2 1 3
3 Austria 2 -1 1
4 Poland 2 -2 1

Austria v Germany @ Vienna
Well – who's reffing? Oh – it's Manuel Mejuto Gonzalez... I don't know much about him, is he any good? Let's ask one of my Scottish colleagues:

DogFace: "What's Gonzales like as a ref?"
ObsessiveC: "Him... he's a fucking cock-riding cunt! If he sets foot in Scotland he's a fucking dead man!"

Ok – that clears that one up, Gonzales – I would avoid Scotland as a possible holiday destination for the foreseeable future. I reckon, barring a dodgy penalty in the last 10 minutes, a draw all the way. For a laugh google: "Manuel Mejuto Gonzalez" and see what comes up - I did, and I laughed!

Poland v Croatia @ Klagenfurt
Well... I would say Poland as Croatia have already qualified and will field a 'B' squad with instructions not to break a sweat. Poland has a GD of -2 so there might be some goals here... Croatia will not want to be embarrassed though and will probably put 10 behind the ball and shut up shop.

Good luck!

Luck be a lady tonight!

Yeah, cheers for that Czech Republic – how many chances do you need to be gifted before you can equalise!? The look on Ronaldo's face, that he cast to a few key team mates, said it all... still – I can't blame Portugal for blowing the gig, the Czechs, the bookies, and I deserved to lose and lose big on that one – and true to form Lady Luck reaches out and pulls the largest strap-on off the shelf, liberally coats it in gritted swafega and pounds us silly. Sometimes, it seems, you should just go with the form book!

Still – Lady Luck wasn't a total sadistic bitch, as she game me a hug and set the record straight in match two...

The fix was most definitely on – sort of, not 'on' in a PL/PGMO way, but 'on' in a subtle 'UEFA Euro 2008' way (not to be confused with the less subtle 'UEFA Champions League' way). The weather was something else, the match should have been abandoned but as it was a randomiser in favour of the Swiss so it was 'game on' with the following equation:

Zero skill advantage (due to playing conditions) + Run of referee decisions = Desired result.

Not so! Good on you Turkey, you did me – and my wallet – proud... I'm up by about 50 pence on yesterday's games; which is a damn sight better than being down 20 by quid.

Alas this does raise another question – now that the Swiss are effectively out of it, which team should a Goon support? Let's see who's left:

Cesc Fabregas - Spain,
Robin van Persie - Netherlands,
William Gallas - France,
Lukasz Fabianski - Poland
Jens Lehmann – Germany

Lehmann isn't really a gunner anymore so strike him off, France are bonkers – so they're out... I'm not bothered about Poland (as Fabianski is on the bench) – So that leaves Spain and the Netherlands as the obvious choices. I'm going for the Netherlands as they play the pretty-pretty football with Spain as my second team as, even though they have Fabregas, they are packed to the gills with Liverpool players.

Come on you Dutch!

Right, today's matches... let us examine the group:

Group B
P GD PTS
1 Germany 1 2 3
2 Croatia 1 1 3
3 Austria 1 -1 0
4 Poland 1 -2 0

Croatia v Germany @ Klagenfurt
I reckon Germany by two goals... they will have Austria in the last match and they will not want to be in a position where they will have to smash them out in a feisty match to continue... a draw would suit both but it would be better to guarantee a place today and take it easy in game three. German efficiency!

Austria v Poland @ Vienna
Poland are the better side... but – I don't know, something doesn't sit right for me here. Austria have good fitness and a raw squad – but Poland are better... Austria are the last of the tournament hosts... so – there will be reasons why them not being eliminated at this point would be advantageous to a number of parties. But Poland are the better team and will very much want to win... and they have a good keeper.

Let's consult the odds:

Poland: 2.38
Draw: 3.40
Austria: 3.45

Hmmm... there is cash to be made here – but I might just steer clear.

[12/06/2008 09:11:31] DogFace says: well - win some lose some... how many chances did the Czechs have to equalise? Useless bastards. Still Turkey did me proud!
[12/06/2008 09:12:11] dhjackal says: and me
[12/06/2008 09:13:25] DogFace says: ha - nice one!! They were the long odds - and you could see why with the weather and the Swiss getting the run of decisions. I laughed my arse off when they nicked it at the end.
[12/06/2008 09:13:55] dhjackal says: i thought it was a draw until i saw the paper this morning
[12/06/2008 09:14:26] DogFace says: Ha ha - man it was classic... why didn't you watch it?
[12/06/2008 09:14:39] dhjackal says: i watched the 1st half - saw enough
[12/06/2008 09:15:17] DogFace says: The second half was better - the first half was slapstick football.
[12/06/2008 09:15:29] dhjackal says: i know, laughable
[12/06/2008 09:15:33] DogFace says: I've had games called off playing in better conditions!
[12/06/2008 09:15:41] dhjackal says: who you going with today?
[12/06/2008 09:15:59] DogFace says: It's going to take some thought...
[12/06/2008 09:16:19] dhjackal says: i had 100% record y'day
[12/06/2008 09:17:08] dhjackal says: Germand and Poland double
[12/06/2008 09:17:10] DogFace says: Yeah - you did well... although the first match looked to be an agreed draw - they just fucked up the gig.
[12/06/2008 09:17:12] dhjackal says: £10
[12/06/2008 09:17:26] dhjackal says: 3-1 is not an agreed draw
[12/06/2008 09:17:40] DogFace says: It went wrong.
[12/06/2008 09:17:50] dhjackal says: no
[12/06/2008 09:17:52] DogFace says: Yes.
[12/06/2008 09:17:55] dhjackal says: you went wrong
[12/06/2008 09:17:58] DogFace says: No... and yes.
[12/06/2008 09:18:08] dhjackal says: i think youi'll find it is a YES
[12/06/2008 09:18:16] dhjackal says: you fucked up the gig
[12/06/2008 09:18:18] dhjackal says: YOU
[12/06/2008 09:18:39] DogFace says: It was obvious... but I'm glad in a way as Portugal were the better team and it serves the Czechs right for being too shit to score despite being gifted 20+ chances to do so.
[12/06/2008 09:19:11] DogFace says: Did you see the last goal? The look on ronaldo's face?
[12/06/2008 09:19:47] DogFace says: Did he look happy... of did he look a bit sheepish?
[12/06/2008 09:20:04] DogFace says: In fact none of the goals were particularly celebrated...
[12/06/2008 09:20:28] dhjackal says: whatever
[12/06/2008 09:20:44] dhjackal says: your deluded
[12/06/2008 09:20:55] DogFace says: It's good though as I want to see Turkey smash the Czechs and go through... should make for a good match!
[12/06/2008 09:21:10] DogFace says: How can you say I'm deluded?
[12/06/2008 09:21:25] DogFace says: Go back to your Panini sticker album you fucking moron!
[12/06/2008 09:22:11] dhjackal says: HELLO?
[12/06/2008 09:22:22] dhjackal says: you thought it was a "nailed on" "fixed" DRAW
[12/06/2008 09:22:28] dhjackal says: it turned out to be 3-1
[12/06/2008 09:22:32] DogFace says: It was an agreed draw – there's no such thing as a "nailed on" result.
[12/06/2008 09:22:44] dhjackal says: and now you say they "didn't mean to score" the 3 goals
[12/06/2008 09:22:51] dhjackal says: course it was
[12/06/2008 09:22:53] DogFace says: Yes - it went wrong - it was so obvious, I don't know how you couldn't see it from watching the match?
[12/06/2008 09:23:04] DogFace says: The body language of the players...
[12/06/2008 09:23:05] dhjackal says: i didn't know why i bother
[12/06/2008 09:23:11] DogFace says: …the "kick-about" attitude.
[12/06/2008 09:23:23] dhjackal says: no
[12/06/2008 09:23:24] DogFace says: You need to watch a little closer.
[12/06/2008 09:23:25] dhjackal says: it was easy
[12/06/2008 09:23:27] dhjackal says: easy
[12/06/2008 09:23:33] DogFace says: Yes it was...
[12/06/2008 09:23:34] dhjackal says: like i said it would be
[12/06/2008 09:23:42] DogFace says: ...because nobody was trying!
[12/06/2008 09:23:42] dhjackal says: that's why they won 3-1
[12/06/2008 09:23:52] dhjackal says: because portugal are MUCH better
[12/06/2008 09:23:57] dhjackal says: making it easy
[12/06/2008 09:23:59] DogFace says: Yes they are much better.
[12/06/2008 09:24:01] dhjackal says: for them to win
[12/06/2008 09:24:02] DogFace says: I will agree.
[12/06/2008 09:24:07] dhjackal says: no agreed draw
[12/06/2008 09:24:12] DogFace says: But the result does not tell the whole story – it was 2-1 right up until the last minute and Portugal were letting them attack again and again.
[12/06/2008 09:24:12] dhjackal says: just an easy win
[12/06/2008 09:24:20] dhjackal says: and was always going to be
[12/06/2008 09:24:27] DogFace says: Err - why are you defending this match?
[12/06/2008 09:24:36] dhjackal says: i'm not - i'm defending my prediction
[12/06/2008 09:24:45] DogFace says: Yes you are, besides – your prediction came true?
[12/06/2008 09:25:00] dhjackal says: and your nonsencial arguement that the result was a mistake
[12/06/2008 09:25:19] DogFace says: You think that if you admit that there might be the slightest whiff of corruption in a game that your team do so well out of then the whole illusion might fall apart?
[12/06/2008 09:25:46] dhjackal says: no
[12/06/2008 09:25:49] DogFace says: Yup.
[12/06/2008 09:25:51] dhjackal says: i think you need to let it go
[12/06/2008 09:25:56] dhjackal says: get another line
[12/06/2008 09:26:01] DogFace says: I think you need you open your mind.
[12/06/2008 09:26:01] dhjackal says: this one is boring me
[12/06/2008 09:26:13] DogFace says: Then why don't you let it go...
[12/06/2008 09:26:22] DogFace says: ...and stop trying to convince me that I'm wrong?
[12/06/2008 09:26:31] dhjackal says: your right
[12/06/2008 09:26:33] dhjackal says: i will
[12/06/2008 09:26:34] DogFace says: thanks
[12/06/2008 09:27:47] DogFace says: right
[12/06/2008 09:27:51] DogFace says: on to business
[12/06/2008 09:27:52] dhjackal says: ok
[12/06/2008 09:27:56] dhjackal says: lets hear it
[12/06/2008 09:28:11] dhjackal says: who's "fixed" what today?
[12/06/2008 09:28:46] DogFace says: I reckon Germany will go out to win.
[12/06/2008 09:28:54] dhjackal says: look
[12/06/2008 09:28:56] dhjackal says: Germany and Poland
[12/06/2008 09:28:59] dhjackal says: end of
[12/06/2008 09:29:02] DogFace says: although, as yesterday, a draw would suit both...
[12/06/2008 09:29:11] dhjackal says: well you get on the draw then
[12/06/2008 09:29:16] DogFace says: But I can't see Germany wanting that
[12/06/2008 09:29:19] dhjackal says: i'm sticking with Germany and Poland
[12/06/2008 09:29:25] DogFace says: Reasons? How many goals?
[12/06/2008 09:29:37] dhjackal says: they are the best 2 teams
[12/06/2008 09:29:45] DogFace says: Germany by... 2 goals?
[12/06/2008 09:29:48] dhjackal says: i've already got £5 on each
[12/06/2008 09:30:52] DogFace says: I'm thinking that maybe Austria
[12/06/2008 09:31:09] DogFace says: dunno - might not get on that match.
[12/06/2008 09:31:24] DogFace says: I think it's going to be close.
[12/06/2008 09:31:33] DogFace says: Austria seemed to have great fitness capable of getting late goals - what's the Poland fitness like?
[12/06/2008 09:32:25] DogFace says: Game 1 - Germany to beat Croatia by 2 goals.
[12/06/2008 09:32:42] DogFace says: HT/FT Germany/Germany
[12/06/2008 09:32:44] dhjackal says: Germany & Poland
[12/06/2008 09:32:50] dhjackal says: that's it
[12/06/2008 09:33:03] DogFace says: Man ...not sure about the second match...
[12/06/2008 09:33:13] DogFace says: don't think it's quite so clear cut - I wouldn't risk the double.
[12/06/2008 09:46:06] DogFace says: what odds did you get on Poland?
[12/06/2008 09:46:28] dhjackal says: donno
[12/06/2008 09:46:34] dhjackal says: what are they?
[12/06/2008 09:47:10] DogFace says: Just checking..
[12/06/2008 09:49:05] DogFace says: The network is quite busy... you got the java client on your phone yet?
[12/06/2008 09:49:14] dhjackal says: no
[12/06/2008 09:49:23] dhjackal says: did it all online last night
[12/06/2008 09:49:54] DogFace says: Yeah it can cause problems having 24/7 access to a betting exchange - particularly when you are pissed.
[12/06/2008 09:50:06] dhjackal says: :)
[12/06/2008 09:50:28] DogFace says: I remember Scottish_Darran telling me he was pissed up and stuck a grand on a rugby match.
[12/06/2008 09:50:37] dhjackal says: he did
[12/06/2008 09:50:42] dhjackal says: luckily he won
[12/06/2008 09:51:07] DogFace says: Nutcase!
[12/06/2008 09:51:57] DogFace says: Iraqi_Ali is brewing up some mega-coffee if you and NickLeFranc are interested?
[12/06/2008 09:52:06] dhjackal says: Mmmm
[12/06/2008 09:52:12] dhjackal says: that stuff is dangerous!
[12/06/2008 09:52:12] DogFace says: Yeah - might brew a pot of Silver Needles instead...

The telex machine is kept so clean...

Firstly; congrats to Spain for smashing a big fat hole in Russia – 4-1, awesome stuff! What was that Fabregas was saying about Villa? Time whip out that cheque book Wenger – he's the fox in the box – and, based on that demonstration of finishing, we can certainly provide him with the service he needs to score 40 a season... how much would that be worth?

Mind you – his price has now shot up to 20+ million (and the rest)... so I doubt we can go there unless we flog Ade to AC – which I wouldn't want either... and with Eduardo making terrific progress in his recovery – do we need another striker?

In Wenger we trust.

Talking of Eduardo – he's up on his feet kicking a ball, check it out on you tube! The missus explained the video of the physio session to me and put a few things in perspective (she's a highly qualified physiotherapist in case you were wondering... shit – maybe she could get Lewin's job? :-D). The exercises he was doing were designed to re-train the automatic over-stretch reflex that would be lost through an injury like this... it's basically a safety valve that kicks in when you over-extend and muscle/tendon that makes you collapse like a sack of shit before you do yourself a mischief. If you over-extend and injure then these reflexes need to be recalibrated through intensive physiotherapy or you'll just go out, feeling fine, and injure yourself again. It takes a lot of time and skill to do this – so there is still a hill to climb for Eduardo! The bones and the joints seem to have healed very well though with no infection - so that's the first major hurdle cleared. We need you back Dudu – splitting defences wide open with Ade where you belong!

Anyhoo - back to Eurovison; this is a dilemma now... Holland, Germany and Spain are looking hot! But - I'm still backing the Netherlands...

Secondly; Greece what were you playing at? How could you let Sweden get 2 past you after I put all that not-so-hard-earned cash on you to win!? Good lord – the second goal was a joke... and you got Russia next – so, I don't fancy your chances... still it wasn't all bad as I put down two bets: 5 quid on Greece to win and 5 quid on winning margin to be 2 goals (@ 5.65). QUIDS IN! When I realised that (some time after the final whistle) it was like waking up on Monday and getting ready to go to work only to realise that it's a bank holiday!

Win some – lose some!

I will take this spawny earner as a gentle warning from lady luck not to put stupid half thought through bets down in future... Lady Luck can be a cruel mistress if you don't treat her right.

So – onto tonight's fixtures:

Czech Republic v Portugal @ Geneva

Ok – I reckon a draw right, and this is nothing to do with who's the best team or the refs being bent etc... this is simple common sense – look at the group (apologies if this table looks scrambled in blog format):

Group A:
P G/D PTS
1 Portugal 1 2 3
2 Czech Republic 1 1 3
3 Switzerland 1 -1 0
4 Turkey 1 -2 0

Check it out; Portugal are the better side and top on goal difference so if they get a draw tonight it sets them up lovely for the last game against the Swiss (who have lost their captain, Frei, so are toothless) – they are laughing. If you offered the Czechs a draw for tonight then they too would snatch your hand off as it'll mean that (probably) they'll only need a draw with Turkey to go through. Both teams, with that in mind, will be thinking: If we take it easy and get a draw then we'll have fresh legs for the next game and we'll both be in a great position to go through to the next round… and – if Turkey and Switzerland also draw then they will be double laughing. If I were them I'd be playing the odds as they are very much in their favour.

Switzerland v Turkey @ Basel

Right... this one is a must win for both teams – the Swiss have got nowt (not even the support from their own fans) and Turkey will be up for it. I didn't see too much in the way of bias decisions in their previous game and I doubt that they will be able to muscle Turkey off the ball. Turkey, in turn, have their own injury worries to deal with... but I don't think it will affect them as much as the Swiss.

Interestingly three of the Swiss team have joint Turkish/Swiss nationality: defensive midfielder Gokhan Inler, playmaker Yakin and striker Eren Derdiyok. Make of that what you will.

I'm backing Turkey by a goal or more, as they need to improve their GD for when they face the Czechs in the final game... although, according to Betfair, Turkey are the long-shot for this by a fair whack which may indicate that the fix is on..?

...If it is and Portugal are aware of this then that could mess up everything...

My advice is to wait for the result of game one before you get your money on game two – as one will most certainly affect the other... be warned though – the odds will shift accordingly.

Damn, what I need right now is some inside info..!

:-@

Do you know where you are drumming from?

Boy was I wrong about the Dutch! Dat was shome gud schit yah! I was watching them thinking – hang on, have Arsenal got orange as the new away kit?

But then Ruude-boy Van Nistelrooy scored when he was about a metre offside, it was given (despite him actually looking at the lino with an "are you sure, I mean – I'll have it but… come on – blatant weren't it?" expression on his face), and the illusion was lost... BTW – Keith Hackett, are you high on fucking crack, "legitimate goal"? You have embarrassed yourself by making up the rules as you go along yet again:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/euro_2008/7445476.stm

In fact – the PGMO will probably use that one next season:

"The away fans behind the goal are regarded as active participants, as does the physio supplying oxygen to the unconscious Arsenal player that took the fair 'punch in the face' challenge, the goal stands – 1-0 to Chelsea"

Anyway – it was proper footie nether[land] the less – I had to stuck a tenner on them to win the competition outright (10 minutes before the end) when RvP came on a looked fresh and, more importantly, fit. If they keep playing that kind of positive attacking football (and get the benefit of the decisions from the officials) they'll smash up everyone in their path!

*ARSENAL NEWS*

We have are first proper signing that looks sort of semi official (although no news on Arsenal.com). The teenager Aaron Ramsey made the sensible choice to play some descent football by txting "fuk f u rd nse cnt" to Fergie... this is especially funny considering the Manure webshite had this to say:

"Manchester United is delighted to announce it has agreed terms with Cardiff City for the transfer of Aaron Ramsey subject to terms being agreed and the player passing a medical."

Reading between the lines, Ramsey was being pressured into this by Cardiff and Man-u as Man-u wanted to buy him and loan him right back again. Good career move:

"Ramsey, the most wanted player outside the Premier League, was given a welcome and a guided tour around Manchester United's state-of-the-art training complex by Old Trafford captain Gary Neville last Friday." – BBC

So – look at this Aaron, lovely init... this is where you won't be training – we just want to 'bagsay' you and send you right back... like when you lick a biscuit to stop your mates from nicking it before you've finished the one you're eating - you know, just in case you happen to step up a gear and we get desperate – we'll swoop in.

Luckily Wenger showed some class and flew him out to Basel to give him the low down on how we do things in N7.

The reason I like Ramsey is firstly because he's boyo (and there is a stripe of Welsh in my family) – this means that, hopefully, the press will see 'British' and cause a fuss if he gets the shit kicked out of him all match by the likes of Birmingham... oh hang on – no, not them – they were relegated for being a bunch of shit-kicking losers. Secondly is because he's also an accomplished rugby player which leads me to believe that he not only a good athlete with a team sport mindset – but he can take a knock, be strong on the ball and dish it back out when he has too. Just what we need IMO. Let's see him in the League and the FA cups next season with a window to first team cameos as he improves – first team proper the season after.

Also – goodbye to Gary Lewin, you've been part of the club most of your life... but opportunities have knocked and you deserve it – good luck man... be sure to tell the Tottenham, Man-u and Chelsea players to 'run off' whatever injuries they sustain!

:-)

Right, down to business:

Spain v Russia @ Innsbruck

Spain have injury and 'food poisoning' problems... also – Fabregas on the bench (possible)? You what - big, big game for Spain... some individual Torres genius could make the difference.

Russia, on the other hand, has all the gas. Think Eurovision, think 'cold Austrian winters', think 'Konrad Plautz' - nuff said.

I think Spain by a goal – but I'm steering clear.

Greece v Sweden @ Salzburg
Greece to win by 2 goals, defending champions and great manager, they'll be loving it!

Love will tear us appart, again

Right, here we go again – Euro 2008 has landed, or will land, at the weekend.

Ok – well, who will you support?

The BBC has been banging on at me to pick a team to get me interested in the whole thing so let’s have a look at this logically:

Cesc Fabregas - Spain,
Robin van Persie - Netherlands,
William Gallas - France,
Philippe Senderos, Johan Djourou, - Switzerland
Lukasz Fabianski - Poland
Jens Lehmann – Germany

So – with a total of two Arsenal players, Switzerland it is... and Russia as I got them in the sweepstake at work.

Although – to be honest you I’ll be supporting whoever I’ve got my money on at the time – cash is the great equaliser of loyalties... Just ask Flamini!

Talking which... I hear that AC Milan are to be given a place in next seasons CL... now call me a cynical old cunt if you like but this stinks of Berlusconi influencing UEFA in a way that only a Mafioso billionaire can. Let me explain:

CSKA Sofia in the Bulgarian league had a CL place in the bag – but unfortunately had a few financial difficulties (no billionaire sugar daddy) and were banned from the competition. Normally this would mean that Levski Sofia would get the place... but NO – despite constant bitching from UEFA about smaller teams from smaller leagues breaking into CL football they look set to change the rules to allow the next ‘highest ranked’ UEFA team in – oh, and that just happens to be AC Milan.

Strange that.

Think Liverpool finishing 5th and getting in at the expense of Everton due to a rule change – oh wait, that happened. They also got the most dodgy-as-fuck decisions to cruise through to the semis at our expense.

Let’s get back to AC Milan – who by the way have just started an outrageous tapping up campaign of players via the media (including Adebayor) – this is the same AC Milan that were banned from the CL in 2006 due to match fixing... a ruling that they successfully appealed against and then went on to ‘win’ the competition.

Bullshit.

Now we have Porto, banned for precisely the same offence for next seasons CL (supplying whores and envelopes stuffed with cash to the primates in the black)… Could this be a backup in case they fail to rob Levski Sofia of their place – or will they do that anyway and maybe get another Italian team in the back door? Can you imagine – six Italian teams in the CL – how’s that for redistribution of CL places to lower leagues eh? As Blatter said rules can be changed to suit your agenda... but then again – he’s just a fat cunt.

Back to business – the Eurovision Soccer Contest. Where’s your cash going to go? Well – wherever it is, consider this. A new ball is in place that’s a swervey and slippery beast and benefits being lamped from outside the area. Randomising factor #1. The shit teams will be belting them – I’ll watch the weekend’s games with interest as to how that pans out:

Saturday 7 June 2008
18:00 Switzerland Vs Czech Republic
20:45 Portugal Vs Turkey

Sunday 8 June 2008
18:00 Austria Vs Croatia
20:45 Germany Vs Poland

I’m going to stick my neck out and say that they probably won’t be high scoring fixtures… let’s say that Switzerland will be playing at home so they might be up for it and nick a goal early, defend it and get beat in the second half... although the refs might be favourable to the nation that keeps all their bank accounts secret – so maybe a draw.

Portugal v Turkey looks like a lively fixture – I’m looking forward to this one, although this early in the contest neither team is going to want to knock their pipes out... but, equally, a loss for either team will be unacceptable. Portugal are superior on paper – but how will they play as a team?

Austria Vs Croatia – Croatia I reckon simply because Austria are shit.

Germany Vs Poland – Germany to win by 2.

Take my random guesses or leave them – but this early on keep all bets low until you get a feel for the playing conditions and the new ball - Happy hunting!

Things are going to slide, slide in all directions

Is it really only June - man; I'm so bored, when is the season going to start again..?

There’s always Euro 2008 – but, well – I’ve never really enjoyed that competition since 1996. That was the last time I thought we were really in with a shout. Since then it’s always been inevitable that we wouldn’t win – and now we aren’t even in it and even if we were, we still wouldn’t win it.

Talking of which, I actually met Terry Venables shortly after Euro 96 in the infamous Scribes night club. This bloke I knew was a sports psychologist for the England team (he advised against the Southgate penalty) and got us in... Gazza was passed out in a sink full of sick in the bogs; I walked passed him and sidled up to the adjacent urinal to El Tel, whipped it out and as my lager fuelled stream hit the porcelain; I told him he had a nice place and that he gave the nation back some hope in the game with Euro 96.

(I was pissed)

He said that hearing that sort of thing from the members of the public made it all worth while.

(He was pissed)

He shook his old fellah off, zipped it up, washed off his hands in the sink next to the mumbling Gazza and left him there like it was the most normal thing in the world.

...That’s what playing for Spurs does for you I suppose...

When I got out, after gingerly poking Gazza a few times to try and wake him up, he was up on the karaoke machine singing ‘That Old Black Magic’. I followed it up with ‘It’s Not Unusual’ and blew him off the stage.

Take that El Tel you Tottenham scumbag!

I wonder what ever happened to Gazza... and what is it with footballers and addiction? Does it come with the pressure of fame or do they just have the compultion to excel in whatever they are good at... be that playing football, drinking away their lives or gambling away their financial security?

It's not all glamour.

[30/05/2008 13:49:04] dhjackal says: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/m/man_city/7427380.stm
[30/05/2008 13:49:10] dhjackal says: they're fucked
[30/05/2008 13:49:28] dhjackal says: he's their best player
[30/05/2008 13:49:39] DogFace says: They were fucked the second Thaskin took over.
[30/05/2008 13:49:56] DogFace says: Relegation next season?
[30/05/2008 13:50:07] dhjackal says: no
[30/05/2008 13:50:10] dhjackal says: unfortunately
[30/05/2008 13:50:22] dhjackal says: the 3 teams coming up are going straight back down
[30/05/2008 13:50:30] DogFace says: No manager, no captain and a loony at the wheel?
[30/05/2008 13:50:48] dhjackal says: still better than stoke, west brom and hull
[30/05/2008 13:51:10] DogFace says: Come on - West Brom would give them a run :)
[30/05/2008 13:51:19] dhjackal says: Mmmm
[30/05/2008 13:51:55] DogFace says: It depends on what happens to Thaskin - if he gets into shit in Thailand then they are fucked.
[30/05/2008 13:52:28] DogFace says: If Air Asia stops sponsoring the refs then they are fucked.
[30/05/2008 13:52:42] DogFace says: So - they are on shaky ground.
[30/05/2008 13:53:23] DogFace says: I would hate to be a City fan.
[30/05/2008 13:54:21] DogFace says: Are you selling Ronaldo then?
[30/05/2008 13:55:31] dhjackal says: no
[30/05/2008 13:55:35] DogFace says: I would for the cash that's on offer... he’s not worth that much - unless you can get more out of him through ‘media rights’?
[30/05/2008 13:55:40] DogFace says: ...shirt sales...
[30/05/2008 13:55:43] DogFace says: etc.
[30/05/2008 13:55:50] dhjackal says: typical Arsenal mentality
[30/05/2008 13:56:03] dhjackal says: got a good player
[30/05/2008 13:56:06] dhjackal says: i know
[30/05/2008 13:56:08] dhjackal says: sell him
[30/05/2008 13:56:14] DogFace says: That's exactly what we DON'T do.
[30/05/2008 13:56:31] dhjackal says: No?
[30/05/2008 13:56:35] DogFace says: Although some players are greedy and chase the $.
[30/05/2008 13:57:33] dhjackal says: A job's a job
[30/05/2008 13:57:44] dhjackal says: if your employer isn't prepared to pay you enough
[30/05/2008 13:57:48] dhjackal says: you leave
[30/05/2008 13:57:51] dhjackal says: like most things
[30/05/2008 13:57:56] DogFace says: Typical Man-u mentality!
[30/05/2008 13:58:05] dhjackal says: fortunately we can compete at every level
[30/05/2008 13:58:12] dhjackal says: both on and off the pitch
[30/05/2008 13:58:13] DogFace says: A vocation and a job are different things.
[30/05/2008 13:58:29] DogFace says: You spend - yes, I'll give you that.
[30/05/2008 13:58:35] DogFace says: money, money, money
[30/05/2008 13:58:43] DogFace says: ...but is it sport?
[30/05/2008 13:58:53] DogFace says: :^)
[30/05/2008 13:58:57] dhjackal says: isn't it sport?
[30/05/2008 13:59:01] DogFace says: Not really
[30/05/2008 13:59:03] dhjackal says: no?
[30/05/2008 13:59:08] DogFace says: Hmmm...
[30/05/2008 13:59:09] DogFace says: ...no.
[30/05/2008 13:59:10] dhjackal says: only cos you can't compete
[30/05/2008 13:59:13] DogFace says: hahah
[30/05/2008 13:59:25] DogFace says: *whatever*
[30/05/2008 13:59:32] dhjackal says: champions
[30/05/2008 13:59:38] dhjackal says: champions of europe
[30/05/2008 13:59:45] dhjackal says: U
[30/05/2008 13:59:47] dhjackal says: N
[30/05/2008 13:59:47] dhjackal says: T
[30/05/2008 13:59:48] dhjackal says: I
[30/05/2008 13:59:48] dhjackal says: E
[30/05/2008 13:59:50] dhjackal says: D
[30/05/2008 14:00:08] dhjackal says: We won the league by being better than everyone else
[30/05/2008 14:00:23] DogFace says: Sport has rules that are followed otherwise you are disqualified.
[30/05/2008 14:00:23] dhjackal says: you didn't
[30/05/2008 14:00:24] dhjackal says: cos your not
[30/05/2008 14:00:51] DogFace says: Your team cheated because they are too shit to win a competition by the rules.
[30/05/2008 14:01:07] dhjackal says: now now
[30/05/2008 14:01:10] DogFace says: It’s more business than sport.
[30/05/2008 14:01:15] dhjackal says: C
[30/05/2008 14:01:16] DogFace says: C
[30/05/2008 14:01:17] dhjackal says: H
[30/05/2008 14:01:18] DogFace says: H
[30/05/2008 14:01:18] dhjackal says: A
[30/05/2008 14:01:19] DogFace says: E
[30/05/2008 14:01:20] dhjackal says: M
[30/05/2008 14:01:20] DogFace says: A
[30/05/2008 14:01:20] dhjackal says: P
[30/05/2008 14:01:21] DogFace says: T
[30/05/2008 14:01:21] dhjackal says: I
[30/05/2008 14:01:22] DogFace says: S
[30/05/2008 14:01:22] dhjackal says: O
[30/05/2008 14:01:23] dhjackal says: N
[30/05/2008 14:01:25] dhjackal says: S
[30/05/2008 14:01:50] dhjackal says: I seem to remember Pires diving every time someone touched him
[30/05/2008 14:01:54] dhjackal says: and cole
[30/05/2008 14:01:58] DogFace says: You have nothing to gloat about - nobody believes it anymore.
[30/05/2008 14:01:59] dhjackal says: and you talk about us cheating
[30/05/2008 14:02:06] DogFace says: ha ha ha
[30/05/2008 14:02:13] DogFace says: Is that what you call cheating?
[30/05/2008 14:02:13] dhjackal says: pot and kettle
[30/05/2008 14:02:17] DogFace says: HA – Seriously?
[30/05/2008 14:02:27] DogFace says: Is that what you call cheating?
[30/05/2008 14:02:27] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[30/05/2008 14:02:33] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[30/05/2008 14:02:34] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[30/05/2008 14:02:35] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[30/05/2008 14:02:37] DogFace says: You ‘influence’ the officials – hardly the same as taking a dive... by the way – how many penalties did you get this season?
[30/05/2008 14:02:40] dhjackal says: get used to hearing it
[30/05/2008 14:02:45] DogFace says: That's proper cheating!
[30/05/2008 14:02:51] dhjackal says: we'll be singing it at the airport soon
[30/05/2008 14:03:11] DogFace says: Why don't you all wank each other off at the same time?
[30/05/2008 14:03:23] DogFace says: ...because nobody else gives a shit.
[30/05/2008 14:03:29] dhjackal says: correction
[30/05/2008 14:03:35] dhjackal says: everyone else gives a shit
[30/05/2008 14:03:40] DogFace says: Really?
[30/05/2008 14:03:41] dhjackal says: including you
[30/05/2008 14:03:45] DogFace says: Not really.
[30/05/2008 14:03:47] dhjackal says: you just like to think you don't
[30/05/2008 14:03:52] dhjackal says: but you do
[30/05/2008 14:03:59] DogFace says: I give a shit that you are so deluded that you think I give a shit... is that the same thing?
[30/05/2008 14:04:04] dhjackal says: otw you wouldn't bother renewing you ST
[30/05/2008 14:04:11] DogFace says: And I give a shit about corruption in the game... what’s me renewing my season ticket got to do with your murky operation?
[30/05/2008 14:04:22] dhjackal says: yadda yadda yadda
[30/05/2008 14:04:25] dhjackal says: rant rant
[30/05/2008 14:04:27] DogFace says: Do I give a shit about man-u buying a trophy or two..?
[30/05/2008 14:04:28] DogFace says: ...no.
[30/05/2008 14:04:31] dhjackal says: we've been robbed
[30/05/2008 14:04:38] dhjackal says: we've been robbed again
[30/05/2008 14:04:43] dhjackal says: we were the best team
[30/05/2008 14:04:46] DogFace says: You give a shit that I don't believe and, it seems, that we play better football that you.
[30/05/2008 14:04:48] dhjackal says: yawn
[30/05/2008 14:04:55] DogFace says: ha ha
[30/05/2008 14:05:07] dhjackal says: -)
[30/05/2008 14:05:14] DogFace says: Now you know how everyone else feels when a man-u fan opens his mouth!
[30/05/2008 14:05:47] DogFace says: quite apt though... as you do need to wake up.
[30/05/2008 14:06:30] dhjackal says: (yawn)
[30/05/2008 14:07:41] DogFace says: Truth hurts?
[30/05/2008 14:12:37] DogFace says: Hey, check it out: One of England's most popular footballers - a Premier League star and England international - owes a staggering £1m in gambling debts. (Daily Express)
[30/05/2008 14:12:47] DogFace says: Hmmm....
[30/05/2008 14:12:52] DogFace says: ...wonder who that is?
[30/05/2008 14:13:35] dhjackal says: Owen?
[30/05/2008 14:14:10] DogFace says: Nah - he's too wiley.
[30/05/2008 14:14:51] DogFace says: Rooney?
[30/05/2008 14:15:43] dhjackal says: whatever
[30/05/2008 14:15:53] DogFace says: We all know he likes a flutter!
[30/05/2008 14:16:07] dhjackal says: so do 99.9% of other football players
[30/05/2008 14:16:08] DogFace says: He probably owes it to Owen (rofl)
[30/05/2008 14:16:40] DogFace says: Ahhh... "so do 99.9% of other football players" - the figure isn't that high but you are on the right track.
[30/05/2008 14:17:10] DogFace says: http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/46184/England-star-owes-bookies-1million
[30/05/2008 14:18:00] DogFace says: “Both names have been leaked to the Daily Express, together with a firm proviso that neither player is identified until bookies are given one more chance to retrieve their debts.”
[30/05/2008 14:18:15] dhjackal says: anyway it's up to them how they spend they're hard earned
[30/05/2008 14:18:23] DogFace says: WTF - I think the paper should just fucking report it if they know... rather than being the bookies heavies.
[30/05/2008 14:19:16] DogFace says: Actually - I don't think that they are allowed to bet on EPL games.
[30/05/2008 14:19:42] DogFace says: "he has splashed out on crucial games in both the Premier League and the Champions League"
[30/05/2008 14:21:16] DogFace says: Shame it wasn't mid season - otherwise he could have just 'got himself sent off' or scored an own goal or something similar.
[30/05/2008 14:21:42] DogFace says: If England were in the European Championships I bet the bookies would be his best mate rather than threatening to out him!
[30/05/2008 14:22:17] dhjackal says: maybe
[30/05/2008 14:23:16] DogFace says: “All I’m prepared to say is that I’m aware of one bookmaker who has taken big bets from both these players. One of them owes a lot of money – around £1m. Maybe a bookmaker will end up taking him to Tattersalls Committee, who settle horse-racing betting disputes of this nature.

“I’d be disappointed to see it going that far, as he’s such a big name in football, and it could cause him no end of problems.

“The other player owes in the region of £100,000, but he’s also proving difficult to pin down.”
[30/05/2008 14:23:33] DogFace says: man - this is a big story! Why isn't it all over all the papers?
[30/05/2008 14:24:32] DogFace says: All we got is shit about John Terry being really fabulous and brave and... whatever.
[30/05/2008 14:27:08] dhjackal says: they're both shit stories
[30/05/2008 14:27:19] dhjackal says: John Terry is a whinging cunt
[30/05/2008 14:27:35] dhjackal says: and this one about the player owning money is just rubbish
[30/05/2008 14:27:41] dhjackal says: i could have made it up
[30/05/2008 14:30:48] DogFace says: Anyone could have made it up as it's so likely to be true... if anything I reckon that half a dozen players owe this much and this is an effort to scare the lot into coughing up.
[30/05/2008 14:31:19] dhjackal says: maybe
[30/05/2008 14:31:36] dhjackal says: it'll only take him 10 weeks to pay it
[30/05/2008 14:32:21] DogFace says: Well - there is tax to be taken into consideration and the funding of whatever lifestyles they choose to lead...
[30/05/2008 14:33:17] DogFace says: ...if owed 3 months wages to the bookies then I would have to concede that I had a problem.
[30/05/2008 14:35:09] DogFace says: Actually - if I owed a day’s wages to the bookies then I would be taking a long hard look at my gambling habits.

America is not the world

There was a bizarre moment of clarity from talking head #1 at the start of last night’s commentary on the ‘friendly’ between England and the USA:

"We'll be watching this referee very carefully as he'll be officiating in the European championship and will be under instruction from UEFA as to his decision making"

I couldn’t agree more... sadly it was all downhill from there as talking head #1 and talking head #2 came out with such bizarre statements as:

“America are really looking comfortable here and they can be proud of the way they are playing”

Were they high?

“See with your eyes, touch with your hands, please
Hear through your ears, know in your soul, please.” - Morrissey

They, USA, were clearly ‘not very good’ and England couldn’t be arsed. Ignore these fuckers - this was a turd of a match and, as we all know, you can’t polish a turd. The one moment of class came from Beckham’s free kick which smacked John Terry in the side of his coconut head before it went in. The commentators then spoiled it by engaging in some mutual masturbation about how ‘the great John Terry was back’ and how, obviously, missing the penalty in the champions’ league final didn’t affect him as he ‘purposefully powered it home’. If truth be told – the delivery was so good that you could have stuck a lamp post there (or a coconut on a stick) and it still would have gone in... but – it made for a nice excuse for some interweaving ‘human interest’ monologues to overshadow a moment of skill in an otherwise dreary game... I bet the talking heads, whilst shuffling their sheets of pre-rehearsed platitudes, could not believe their luck.

Talking of which; I was left with the feeling that I should have got on Terry to score first – the odds were fantastic – I know as my mouse pointer momentarily hovered over the Betfair button before I thought: “Nah – fairytale bollocks, ain’t never gonna happen”. I, instead, went for £2 on: Correct Score = 2-1... win some – lose some, but it kept me semi-interested until the final whistle.

The other bizarre thing about last nights game was, given that it was a friendly, why play the established players who were clearly tired from the season and absolutely unenthused as to selection now that England wouldn’t be playing in the European championships? This combined with sticking 18 fully kitted out substitutes on the bench made me wonder; just what the hell was Capello up to? Was this ‘mind games’ for the players i.e. ‘nobody’s position is safe in this team’ (to established players) Vs ‘you may have a chance to impress’ (to un-established players)?

Fuck knows – all I know is that I groaned when Capello took Defoe off and stuck Crouch on... ok – so, he’s not played a lot of football this season but still... Crouch – who bloody cares!? Did we suddenly run out of attacking options? Was the USA’s defence so good that we had to sling on the freak? Eh?

I should point out that this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he always seems to score against us – honest – the lanky, cheaty bastard.

I would have liked to have seen this, and Sundays match, as an opportunity to blood in the youth of the squad against some second rate opposition who were clearly up for a game i.e. up for it in a way that they might be spotted by a Premiership club. That way it might have been a constructive and entertaining experience. Who cares if we win or not – this is a ‘friendly’ remember?!

Mind you – Wembley is a big stadium and I doubt that you could fill it with something as un-spectacular as a constructive and entertaining football match. Oh contraire – what is required is (half arsed) celebrities acting out an assured victory – after all, that’s what sells £8 hamburgers and plants 71,233 bums on seats these days...

The talking heads eventually concluded that the ref was “a bit whistle happy” – oh well, I’m glad someone was.

Meanwhile, slightly off subject, another Terry, Terry Wogan, has threatened to quit the Eurovison song contest. Wogan has shown a guiding light to commentators everywhere by having an actual opinion:

"I think the British music industry and the BBC really have to look at this and see how they can avoid this yearly debacle. At the very beginning of the year I said Russia would win for political reasons and they did."

This raises a question: was the Eurovision song contest ever a serious competition and were any of the songs in it ever any good? And if so; how did it get from that to this?

Hang on a second - Eurovison... Euro 2008...

...Hmmmm...

...This is where football is heading people; welcome to the future!

Subs not used: Hart, Lewis, Warnock, Woodgate, Jagielka, Wheater, Huddlestone, Downing, Young, Ashton, Walcott, Agbonlahor.

[28/05/2008 16:51:49] dhjackal says: Champions of Europe
[28/05/2008 16:51:54] dhjackal says: And England
[28/05/2008 16:52:01] dhjackal says: just in case you were -)
[28/05/2008 16:52:57] DogFace says: So... How's your billion quid of debt doing?
[28/05/2008 16:53:06] dhjackal says: good
[28/05/2008 16:53:15] dhjackal says: anyway it's only £780
[28/05/2008 16:53:21] dhjackal says: million
[28/05/2008 16:53:25] DogFace says: Yeah - £780,000,000 and still spending!
[28/05/2008 16:53:26] dhjackal says: yours?
[28/05/2008 16:53:30] DogFace We are nowhere near that figure...
[28/05/2008 16:53:46] dhjackal says: £340million
[28/05/2008 16:53:51] dhjackal says: not bad
[28/05/2008 16:53:53] dhjackal says: i suppose
[28/05/2008 16:54:04] DogFace says: Yes - at least we got a stadium out of it.
[28/05/2008 16:54:11] dhjackal says: but also no cups
[28/05/2008 16:54:20] DogFace says: The trophies will come... not that they’re going to mean much now.
[28/05/2008 16:54:22] DogFace says: :-(
[28/05/2008 16:54:27] dhjackal says: nice stadium
[28/05/2008 16:54:31] dhjackal says: 17,500 smaller than ours
[28/05/2008 16:54:56] DogFace says: Ha... well - good luck filling it when you're bankrupt!
[28/05/2008 16:55:08] dhjackal says: likesay
[28/05/2008 16:55:21] DogFace says: Not so - our debt is covered.
[28/05/2008 16:55:51] DogFace says: Although Nike/Emirates stiffed us on the shirt sponsorship... but it was necessary to ensure that the debt was covered.
[28/05/2008 16:56:19] DogFace says: Where as your debt is ‘covered’ on projections from Glazer Corp... do you trust him?
[28/05/2008 16:56:25] dhjackal says: yes
[28/05/2008 16:56:38] DogFace says: Ha - really?
[28/05/2008 16:56:42] dhjackal says: since they've took over we've won the league - twice
[28/05/2008 16:56:45] DogFace says: You bought it twice.
[28/05/2008 16:56:47] dhjackal says: the FA cup
[28/05/2008 16:56:49] DogFace says: Who cares.
[28/05/2008 16:56:50] dhjackal says: the league cup
[28/05/2008 16:56:51] DogFace says: Who?
[28/05/2008 16:56:52] dhjackal says: AND
[28/05/2008 16:57:00] dhjackal says: the Champions League
[28/05/2008 16:57:04] dhjackal says: not bad
[28/05/2008 16:57:25] DogFace says: Like I said - it doesn’t mean much these days... which is a shame.
[28/05/2008 16:57:43] dhjackal says: not to you it doesn't
[28/05/2008 16:57:51] dhjackal says: it would if you'd won it
[28/05/2008 16:57:56] dhjackal says: but you didn't
[28/05/2008 16:58:03] dhjackal says: so it means nothing to you
[28/05/2008 16:58:10] DogFace says: OK - so what does it mean to you?
[28/05/2008 16:58:12] dhjackal says: everything
[28/05/2008 16:58:13] DogFace says: It means everything?
[28/05/2008 16:58:17] dhjackal says: we're the best in Europe
[28/05/2008 16:58:20] dhjackal says: and we've proved it
[28/05/2008 16:58:25] DogFace says: Well... you have sold 'everything' - so you get what you pay for I suppose.
[28/05/2008 16:59:22] dhjackal says: would seem so
[28/05/2008 16:59:24] DogFace says: 780 million quid for a few tin cups and shit football... bargain!
[28/05/2008 16:59:31] DogFace says: (chuckle)
[28/05/2008 16:59:48] dhjackal says: so shit football played you off the park 3 times in a season
[28/05/2008 16:59:49] dhjackal says: interesting
[28/05/2008 16:59:53] DogFace says: Oh – ha, ha.
[28/05/2008 16:59:59] DogFace says: We've been over this...
[28/05/2008 17:00:06] DogFace says: ...many, many times – you go and ‘grind out your results’ and we’ll watch some proper sport.
[28/05/2008 17:00:11] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[28/05/2008 17:00:18] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE
[28/05/2008 17:00:23] dhjackal says: Get in!!!!
[28/05/2008 17:00:24] dhjackal says: (party)
[28/05/2008 17:00:29] DogFace says: What - still? Sorry, I almost forgot.
[28/05/2008 17:00:29] dhjackal says: (dance)
[28/05/2008 17:00:40] dhjackal says: luckily i'm here to remind you
[28/05/2008 17:01:03] DogFace says: Yes... thanks - you are keeping it all in perspective for me.
[28/05/2008 17:01:12] dhjackal says: no problem
[28/05/2008 17:01:25] dhjackal says: i will always be here for you
[28/05/2008 17:02:19] DogFace says: In case I start to demand from my club that we spunk 100 million on a bunch of spoiled brats and cosy up with the bookies - I'll have you to remind me of the pitfalls.
[28/05/2008 17:03:15] dhjackal says: ko
[28/05/2008 17:03:17] dhjackal says: ok
[28/05/2008 17:03:18] dhjackal says: thanks
[28/05/2008 17:03:48] DogFace says: Are you having a parade then? (rofl)
[28/05/2008 17:03:55] dhjackal says: yes
[28/05/2008 17:04:08] DogFace says: Quality!
[28/05/2008 17:04:12] dhjackal says: can't wait
[28/05/2008 17:04:20] dhjackal says: i'll phone you from OT
[28/05/2008 17:04:30] dhjackal says: and send you some pictures
[28/05/2008 17:04:47] DogFace says: Can you take a picture of Rio Ferdinand standing at the front of the bus waving the trophy around with his clip-on tie?
[28/05/2008 17:04:52] DogFace says: I'd like that.
[28/05/2008 17:05:20] dhjackal says: i'll do my best
[28/05/2008 17:05:41] DogFace says: Cheers man (y)