On candystripe legs the spiderman comes...

Oh no... disaster; I think that's it for me – my profits are down to £1.65 after being greedy and going large on laying Croatia!! Is there anyone out there that saw that one coming? I still have money in play of course after going 'on tilt' and throwing in my lot with the Dutch – I now have the most money that I have ever bet on anything riding on this considerable long shot - £25 @ 7 (average)...

...it doesn't look good for me does it?

I think I'm going to stick to playing poker (face to face rather than that internet shit) – I know where I stand with that... in poker you can play your hand against the stake in relation to the pot – in football the bookies offer up some bizarre odds that seem to make no logical sense in the long run. There are too many factors, for me anyway, to take in and make an informed decision. Still poker isn't as simple as the mathematics of its rules as you also have to be a good judge of character and have the ability to hide your agenda or actively promote a deception... people can be complex when they know what they are doing as, in reality (the reality of profit), the rules have got nothing to do with the result – some players are so good that they can win a match without even looking at their hand. One thing is for sure though, in poker, the experienced players will spot a mug and form a 'cartel' to fleece him – it's the way it works, like an unspoken rule that you only learn from experience. Nobody ever wrote it down or signed an agreement – it just evolved out of human nature.

Poker is a metaphor for life.

Still, yesterday could have been worse; I could have got on Poland to beat Austria! I knew there was something smelly about that match and just before kick-off I realised exactly what it was as a certain Mr. Howard Webb took to the pitch to assume the refereeing duties. I mean – he really is an utter twat... the first Brazilian, I mean Polish, goal was offside – and this coming from UEFA picked linesmen who are of such a high calibre that they can supposedly deduce in a split second that a goal is onside to the letter of an ever-so-fuzzy law – subsection a, paragraph iii (the injured player on his back with his hands over his eyes 4 meters from the touchline is 'active' as he didn't ask permission from the ref to leave the field of play) as in the Holland/Italy game. I mean – what? Come on UEFA - justify that one for me please – I dare you!? The second key decision which was hilarious was, in an effort to make amends for the first shit call (or to make the bookies happy); the Ronaldo McDonaldo of refs contrives a situation in the dying seconds in which he can award a flimsy penalty to Austria... he's Lovin' it!

*ARSENAL NEWS*

On a more sombre note we gooners say goodbye today to Derek Tapscott who died at 75 – he got 68 goals in 132 appearances which is a bloody good run in anyone's book. Rest in peace man – btw, if anyone can remember a chant for him then please email me so I can try to get it started at the Emirates Cup matches?

Um – onto tonight's games… can I be arsed seeing as I've got no money? Tell you what – I'll roll a dice: odds = Team A, evens = Draw, extremities = Team B. Then, baring a draw, I'll roll the dice twice to get the winning margin (if the same number comes up twice I'll roll again):

Italy v Romania @ Zurich
The die says: Romania… by 1.

Netherlands v France @ Berne
The die says: Netherlands… by 2.

It's FREE MONEY – get on it large!

[13/06/2008 09:32:56] DogFace says: So... what happened man?
[13/06/2008 09:33:10] DogFace says: (chuckle)
[13/06/2008 09:57:06] dhjackal says: everyone conspired against me
[13/06/2008 09:57:08] dhjackal says: obviously
[13/06/2008 09:57:23] DogFace says: I got stiffed big on the Germany game..
[13/06/2008 09:57:31] DogFace says: ..FFS - who saw that one coming?
[13/06/2008 09:58:16] DogFace says: I'm glad we got rid of Lehmann! :-D
[13/06/2008 09:59:09] DogFace says: He couldn't save a brick from the bottom of a swimming pool wearing only his pyjamas!
[13/06/2008 10:09:29] dhjackal says: harsh
[13/06/2008 10:09:31] dhjackal says: but true

Luck be a lady tonight!

Yeah, cheers for that Czech Republic – how many chances do you need to be gifted before you can equalise!? The look on Ronaldo's face, that he cast to a few key team mates, said it all... still – I can't blame Portugal for blowing the gig, the Czechs, the bookies, and I deserved to lose and lose big on that one – and true to form Lady Luck reaches out and pulls the largest strap-on off the shelf, liberally coats it in gritted swafega and pounds us silly. Sometimes, it seems, you should just go with the form book!

Still – Lady Luck wasn't a total sadistic bitch, as she game me a hug and set the record straight in match two...

The fix was most definitely on – sort of, not 'on' in a PL/PGMO way, but 'on' in a subtle 'UEFA Euro 2008' way (not to be confused with the less subtle 'UEFA Champions League' way). The weather was something else, the match should have been abandoned but as it was a randomiser in favour of the Swiss so it was 'game on' with the following equation:

Zero skill advantage (due to playing conditions) + Run of referee decisions = Desired result.

Not so! Good on you Turkey, you did me – and my wallet – proud... I'm up by about 50 pence on yesterday's games; which is a damn sight better than being down 20 by quid.

Alas this does raise another question – now that the Swiss are effectively out of it, which team should a Goon support? Let's see who's left:

Cesc Fabregas - Spain,
Robin van Persie - Netherlands,
William Gallas - France,
Lukasz Fabianski - Poland
Jens Lehmann – Germany

Lehmann isn't really a gunner anymore so strike him off, France are bonkers – so they're out... I'm not bothered about Poland (as Fabianski is on the bench) – So that leaves Spain and the Netherlands as the obvious choices. I'm going for the Netherlands as they play the pretty-pretty football with Spain as my second team as, even though they have Fabregas, they are packed to the gills with Liverpool players.

Come on you Dutch!

Right, today's matches... let us examine the group:

Group B
P GD PTS
1 Germany 1 2 3
2 Croatia 1 1 3
3 Austria 1 -1 0
4 Poland 1 -2 0

Croatia v Germany @ Klagenfurt
I reckon Germany by two goals... they will have Austria in the last match and they will not want to be in a position where they will have to smash them out in a feisty match to continue... a draw would suit both but it would be better to guarantee a place today and take it easy in game three. German efficiency!

Austria v Poland @ Vienna
Poland are the better side... but – I don't know, something doesn't sit right for me here. Austria have good fitness and a raw squad – but Poland are better... Austria are the last of the tournament hosts... so – there will be reasons why them not being eliminated at this point would be advantageous to a number of parties. But Poland are the better team and will very much want to win... and they have a good keeper.

Let's consult the odds:

Poland: 2.38
Draw: 3.40
Austria: 3.45

Hmmm... there is cash to be made here – but I might just steer clear.

[12/06/2008 09:11:31] DogFace says: well - win some lose some... how many chances did the Czechs have to equalise? Useless bastards. Still Turkey did me proud!
[12/06/2008 09:12:11] dhjackal says: and me
[12/06/2008 09:13:25] DogFace says: ha - nice one!! They were the long odds - and you could see why with the weather and the Swiss getting the run of decisions. I laughed my arse off when they nicked it at the end.
[12/06/2008 09:13:55] dhjackal says: i thought it was a draw until i saw the paper this morning
[12/06/2008 09:14:26] DogFace says: Ha ha - man it was classic... why didn't you watch it?
[12/06/2008 09:14:39] dhjackal says: i watched the 1st half - saw enough
[12/06/2008 09:15:17] DogFace says: The second half was better - the first half was slapstick football.
[12/06/2008 09:15:29] dhjackal says: i know, laughable
[12/06/2008 09:15:33] DogFace says: I've had games called off playing in better conditions!
[12/06/2008 09:15:41] dhjackal says: who you going with today?
[12/06/2008 09:15:59] DogFace says: It's going to take some thought...
[12/06/2008 09:16:19] dhjackal says: i had 100% record y'day
[12/06/2008 09:17:08] dhjackal says: Germand and Poland double
[12/06/2008 09:17:10] DogFace says: Yeah - you did well... although the first match looked to be an agreed draw - they just fucked up the gig.
[12/06/2008 09:17:12] dhjackal says: £10
[12/06/2008 09:17:26] dhjackal says: 3-1 is not an agreed draw
[12/06/2008 09:17:40] DogFace says: It went wrong.
[12/06/2008 09:17:50] dhjackal says: no
[12/06/2008 09:17:52] DogFace says: Yes.
[12/06/2008 09:17:55] dhjackal says: you went wrong
[12/06/2008 09:17:58] DogFace says: No... and yes.
[12/06/2008 09:18:08] dhjackal says: i think youi'll find it is a YES
[12/06/2008 09:18:16] dhjackal says: you fucked up the gig
[12/06/2008 09:18:18] dhjackal says: YOU
[12/06/2008 09:18:39] DogFace says: It was obvious... but I'm glad in a way as Portugal were the better team and it serves the Czechs right for being too shit to score despite being gifted 20+ chances to do so.
[12/06/2008 09:19:11] DogFace says: Did you see the last goal? The look on ronaldo's face?
[12/06/2008 09:19:47] DogFace says: Did he look happy... of did he look a bit sheepish?
[12/06/2008 09:20:04] DogFace says: In fact none of the goals were particularly celebrated...
[12/06/2008 09:20:28] dhjackal says: whatever
[12/06/2008 09:20:44] dhjackal says: your deluded
[12/06/2008 09:20:55] DogFace says: It's good though as I want to see Turkey smash the Czechs and go through... should make for a good match!
[12/06/2008 09:21:10] DogFace says: How can you say I'm deluded?
[12/06/2008 09:21:25] DogFace says: Go back to your Panini sticker album you fucking moron!
[12/06/2008 09:22:11] dhjackal says: HELLO?
[12/06/2008 09:22:22] dhjackal says: you thought it was a "nailed on" "fixed" DRAW
[12/06/2008 09:22:28] dhjackal says: it turned out to be 3-1
[12/06/2008 09:22:32] DogFace says: It was an agreed draw – there's no such thing as a "nailed on" result.
[12/06/2008 09:22:44] dhjackal says: and now you say they "didn't mean to score" the 3 goals
[12/06/2008 09:22:51] dhjackal says: course it was
[12/06/2008 09:22:53] DogFace says: Yes - it went wrong - it was so obvious, I don't know how you couldn't see it from watching the match?
[12/06/2008 09:23:04] DogFace says: The body language of the players...
[12/06/2008 09:23:05] dhjackal says: i didn't know why i bother
[12/06/2008 09:23:11] DogFace says: …the "kick-about" attitude.
[12/06/2008 09:23:23] dhjackal says: no
[12/06/2008 09:23:24] DogFace says: You need to watch a little closer.
[12/06/2008 09:23:25] dhjackal says: it was easy
[12/06/2008 09:23:27] dhjackal says: easy
[12/06/2008 09:23:33] DogFace says: Yes it was...
[12/06/2008 09:23:34] dhjackal says: like i said it would be
[12/06/2008 09:23:42] DogFace says: ...because nobody was trying!
[12/06/2008 09:23:42] dhjackal says: that's why they won 3-1
[12/06/2008 09:23:52] dhjackal says: because portugal are MUCH better
[12/06/2008 09:23:57] dhjackal says: making it easy
[12/06/2008 09:23:59] DogFace says: Yes they are much better.
[12/06/2008 09:24:01] dhjackal says: for them to win
[12/06/2008 09:24:02] DogFace says: I will agree.
[12/06/2008 09:24:07] dhjackal says: no agreed draw
[12/06/2008 09:24:12] DogFace says: But the result does not tell the whole story – it was 2-1 right up until the last minute and Portugal were letting them attack again and again.
[12/06/2008 09:24:12] dhjackal says: just an easy win
[12/06/2008 09:24:20] dhjackal says: and was always going to be
[12/06/2008 09:24:27] DogFace says: Err - why are you defending this match?
[12/06/2008 09:24:36] dhjackal says: i'm not - i'm defending my prediction
[12/06/2008 09:24:45] DogFace says: Yes you are, besides – your prediction came true?
[12/06/2008 09:25:00] dhjackal says: and your nonsencial arguement that the result was a mistake
[12/06/2008 09:25:19] DogFace says: You think that if you admit that there might be the slightest whiff of corruption in a game that your team do so well out of then the whole illusion might fall apart?
[12/06/2008 09:25:46] dhjackal says: no
[12/06/2008 09:25:49] DogFace says: Yup.
[12/06/2008 09:25:51] dhjackal says: i think you need to let it go
[12/06/2008 09:25:56] dhjackal says: get another line
[12/06/2008 09:26:01] DogFace says: I think you need you open your mind.
[12/06/2008 09:26:01] dhjackal says: this one is boring me
[12/06/2008 09:26:13] DogFace says: Then why don't you let it go...
[12/06/2008 09:26:22] DogFace says: ...and stop trying to convince me that I'm wrong?
[12/06/2008 09:26:31] dhjackal says: your right
[12/06/2008 09:26:33] dhjackal says: i will
[12/06/2008 09:26:34] DogFace says: thanks
[12/06/2008 09:27:47] DogFace says: right
[12/06/2008 09:27:51] DogFace says: on to business
[12/06/2008 09:27:52] dhjackal says: ok
[12/06/2008 09:27:56] dhjackal says: lets hear it
[12/06/2008 09:28:11] dhjackal says: who's "fixed" what today?
[12/06/2008 09:28:46] DogFace says: I reckon Germany will go out to win.
[12/06/2008 09:28:54] dhjackal says: look
[12/06/2008 09:28:56] dhjackal says: Germany and Poland
[12/06/2008 09:28:59] dhjackal says: end of
[12/06/2008 09:29:02] DogFace says: although, as yesterday, a draw would suit both...
[12/06/2008 09:29:11] dhjackal says: well you get on the draw then
[12/06/2008 09:29:16] DogFace says: But I can't see Germany wanting that
[12/06/2008 09:29:19] dhjackal says: i'm sticking with Germany and Poland
[12/06/2008 09:29:25] DogFace says: Reasons? How many goals?
[12/06/2008 09:29:37] dhjackal says: they are the best 2 teams
[12/06/2008 09:29:45] DogFace says: Germany by... 2 goals?
[12/06/2008 09:29:48] dhjackal says: i've already got £5 on each
[12/06/2008 09:30:52] DogFace says: I'm thinking that maybe Austria
[12/06/2008 09:31:09] DogFace says: dunno - might not get on that match.
[12/06/2008 09:31:24] DogFace says: I think it's going to be close.
[12/06/2008 09:31:33] DogFace says: Austria seemed to have great fitness capable of getting late goals - what's the Poland fitness like?
[12/06/2008 09:32:25] DogFace says: Game 1 - Germany to beat Croatia by 2 goals.
[12/06/2008 09:32:42] DogFace says: HT/FT Germany/Germany
[12/06/2008 09:32:44] dhjackal says: Germany & Poland
[12/06/2008 09:32:50] dhjackal says: that's it
[12/06/2008 09:33:03] DogFace says: Man ...not sure about the second match...
[12/06/2008 09:33:13] DogFace says: don't think it's quite so clear cut - I wouldn't risk the double.
[12/06/2008 09:46:06] DogFace says: what odds did you get on Poland?
[12/06/2008 09:46:28] dhjackal says: donno
[12/06/2008 09:46:34] dhjackal says: what are they?
[12/06/2008 09:47:10] DogFace says: Just checking..
[12/06/2008 09:49:05] DogFace says: The network is quite busy... you got the java client on your phone yet?
[12/06/2008 09:49:14] dhjackal says: no
[12/06/2008 09:49:23] dhjackal says: did it all online last night
[12/06/2008 09:49:54] DogFace says: Yeah it can cause problems having 24/7 access to a betting exchange - particularly when you are pissed.
[12/06/2008 09:50:06] dhjackal says: :)
[12/06/2008 09:50:28] DogFace says: I remember Scottish_Darran telling me he was pissed up and stuck a grand on a rugby match.
[12/06/2008 09:50:37] dhjackal says: he did
[12/06/2008 09:50:42] dhjackal says: luckily he won
[12/06/2008 09:51:07] DogFace says: Nutcase!
[12/06/2008 09:51:57] DogFace says: Iraqi_Ali is brewing up some mega-coffee if you and NickLeFranc are interested?
[12/06/2008 09:52:06] dhjackal says: Mmmm
[12/06/2008 09:52:12] dhjackal says: that stuff is dangerous!
[12/06/2008 09:52:12] DogFace says: Yeah - might brew a pot of Silver Needles instead...

The telex machine is kept so clean...

Firstly; congrats to Spain for smashing a big fat hole in Russia – 4-1, awesome stuff! What was that Fabregas was saying about Villa? Time whip out that cheque book Wenger – he's the fox in the box – and, based on that demonstration of finishing, we can certainly provide him with the service he needs to score 40 a season... how much would that be worth?

Mind you – his price has now shot up to 20+ million (and the rest)... so I doubt we can go there unless we flog Ade to AC – which I wouldn't want either... and with Eduardo making terrific progress in his recovery – do we need another striker?

In Wenger we trust.

Talking of Eduardo – he's up on his feet kicking a ball, check it out on you tube! The missus explained the video of the physio session to me and put a few things in perspective (she's a highly qualified physiotherapist in case you were wondering... shit – maybe she could get Lewin's job? :-D). The exercises he was doing were designed to re-train the automatic over-stretch reflex that would be lost through an injury like this... it's basically a safety valve that kicks in when you over-extend and muscle/tendon that makes you collapse like a sack of shit before you do yourself a mischief. If you over-extend and injure then these reflexes need to be recalibrated through intensive physiotherapy or you'll just go out, feeling fine, and injure yourself again. It takes a lot of time and skill to do this – so there is still a hill to climb for Eduardo! The bones and the joints seem to have healed very well though with no infection - so that's the first major hurdle cleared. We need you back Dudu – splitting defences wide open with Ade where you belong!

Anyhoo - back to Eurovison; this is a dilemma now... Holland, Germany and Spain are looking hot! But - I'm still backing the Netherlands...

Secondly; Greece what were you playing at? How could you let Sweden get 2 past you after I put all that not-so-hard-earned cash on you to win!? Good lord – the second goal was a joke... and you got Russia next – so, I don't fancy your chances... still it wasn't all bad as I put down two bets: 5 quid on Greece to win and 5 quid on winning margin to be 2 goals (@ 5.65). QUIDS IN! When I realised that (some time after the final whistle) it was like waking up on Monday and getting ready to go to work only to realise that it's a bank holiday!

Win some – lose some!

I will take this spawny earner as a gentle warning from lady luck not to put stupid half thought through bets down in future... Lady Luck can be a cruel mistress if you don't treat her right.

So – onto tonight's fixtures:

Czech Republic v Portugal @ Geneva

Ok – I reckon a draw right, and this is nothing to do with who's the best team or the refs being bent etc... this is simple common sense – look at the group (apologies if this table looks scrambled in blog format):

Group A:
P G/D PTS
1 Portugal 1 2 3
2 Czech Republic 1 1 3
3 Switzerland 1 -1 0
4 Turkey 1 -2 0

Check it out; Portugal are the better side and top on goal difference so if they get a draw tonight it sets them up lovely for the last game against the Swiss (who have lost their captain, Frei, so are toothless) – they are laughing. If you offered the Czechs a draw for tonight then they too would snatch your hand off as it'll mean that (probably) they'll only need a draw with Turkey to go through. Both teams, with that in mind, will be thinking: If we take it easy and get a draw then we'll have fresh legs for the next game and we'll both be in a great position to go through to the next round… and – if Turkey and Switzerland also draw then they will be double laughing. If I were them I'd be playing the odds as they are very much in their favour.

Switzerland v Turkey @ Basel

Right... this one is a must win for both teams – the Swiss have got nowt (not even the support from their own fans) and Turkey will be up for it. I didn't see too much in the way of bias decisions in their previous game and I doubt that they will be able to muscle Turkey off the ball. Turkey, in turn, have their own injury worries to deal with... but I don't think it will affect them as much as the Swiss.

Interestingly three of the Swiss team have joint Turkish/Swiss nationality: defensive midfielder Gokhan Inler, playmaker Yakin and striker Eren Derdiyok. Make of that what you will.

I'm backing Turkey by a goal or more, as they need to improve their GD for when they face the Czechs in the final game... although, according to Betfair, Turkey are the long-shot for this by a fair whack which may indicate that the fix is on..?

...If it is and Portugal are aware of this then that could mess up everything...

My advice is to wait for the result of game one before you get your money on game two – as one will most certainly affect the other... be warned though – the odds will shift accordingly.

Damn, what I need right now is some inside info..!

:-@

Do you know where you are drumming from?

Boy was I wrong about the Dutch! Dat was shome gud schit yah! I was watching them thinking – hang on, have Arsenal got orange as the new away kit?

But then Ruude-boy Van Nistelrooy scored when he was about a metre offside, it was given (despite him actually looking at the lino with an "are you sure, I mean – I'll have it but… come on – blatant weren't it?" expression on his face), and the illusion was lost... BTW – Keith Hackett, are you high on fucking crack, "legitimate goal"? You have embarrassed yourself by making up the rules as you go along yet again:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/euro_2008/7445476.stm

In fact – the PGMO will probably use that one next season:

"The away fans behind the goal are regarded as active participants, as does the physio supplying oxygen to the unconscious Arsenal player that took the fair 'punch in the face' challenge, the goal stands – 1-0 to Chelsea"

Anyway – it was proper footie nether[land] the less – I had to stuck a tenner on them to win the competition outright (10 minutes before the end) when RvP came on a looked fresh and, more importantly, fit. If they keep playing that kind of positive attacking football (and get the benefit of the decisions from the officials) they'll smash up everyone in their path!

*ARSENAL NEWS*

We have are first proper signing that looks sort of semi official (although no news on Arsenal.com). The teenager Aaron Ramsey made the sensible choice to play some descent football by txting "fuk f u rd nse cnt" to Fergie... this is especially funny considering the Manure webshite had this to say:

"Manchester United is delighted to announce it has agreed terms with Cardiff City for the transfer of Aaron Ramsey subject to terms being agreed and the player passing a medical."

Reading between the lines, Ramsey was being pressured into this by Cardiff and Man-u as Man-u wanted to buy him and loan him right back again. Good career move:

"Ramsey, the most wanted player outside the Premier League, was given a welcome and a guided tour around Manchester United's state-of-the-art training complex by Old Trafford captain Gary Neville last Friday." – BBC

So – look at this Aaron, lovely init... this is where you won't be training – we just want to 'bagsay' you and send you right back... like when you lick a biscuit to stop your mates from nicking it before you've finished the one you're eating - you know, just in case you happen to step up a gear and we get desperate – we'll swoop in.

Luckily Wenger showed some class and flew him out to Basel to give him the low down on how we do things in N7.

The reason I like Ramsey is firstly because he's boyo (and there is a stripe of Welsh in my family) – this means that, hopefully, the press will see 'British' and cause a fuss if he gets the shit kicked out of him all match by the likes of Birmingham... oh hang on – no, not them – they were relegated for being a bunch of shit-kicking losers. Secondly is because he's also an accomplished rugby player which leads me to believe that he not only a good athlete with a team sport mindset – but he can take a knock, be strong on the ball and dish it back out when he has too. Just what we need IMO. Let's see him in the League and the FA cups next season with a window to first team cameos as he improves – first team proper the season after.

Also – goodbye to Gary Lewin, you've been part of the club most of your life... but opportunities have knocked and you deserve it – good luck man... be sure to tell the Tottenham, Man-u and Chelsea players to 'run off' whatever injuries they sustain!

:-)

Right, down to business:

Spain v Russia @ Innsbruck

Spain have injury and 'food poisoning' problems... also – Fabregas on the bench (possible)? You what - big, big game for Spain... some individual Torres genius could make the difference.

Russia, on the other hand, has all the gas. Think Eurovision, think 'cold Austrian winters', think 'Konrad Plautz' - nuff said.

I think Spain by a goal – but I'm steering clear.

Greece v Sweden @ Salzburg
Greece to win by 2 goals, defending champions and great manager, they'll be loving it!

It means nothing to me...

Quids in! Although fucking Betfair didn't match all the cash on my bets in the Germany game which was my 'big earner'... grr – I'm well up, but £40 less than I would have been.

Mental note/tip: double check that your cash is matched next time.

Not a bad start... there were a few things to note though – first the ball, it did make a difference but not as much of one as I thought it might. It seems that the keepers were getting their excuses in early over that one. The ball seemed lighter and tended to sit up and invite the volley more. It also didn't move as much as I was lead to believe, although it flew pretty fast, the trajectory was true. This may be because it wasn't very windy – but if anything the keepers seemed to misjudge speed more than wobble leading to more rebounds. Look for teams belting it from the midfield (as they were) and poachers running in for the second ball.

I would say ¼ goal randomisation – if that... less as the tournament goes on and the players get used to it.

Secondly Austria weren't as shit as I thought they were – their fitness was far superior to Croatia... does this mean that Croatia is an unfit side? Yes, certainly does – but it doesn't take away from the clear fitness advantage of the Austrians. Expect a few late goals from those lads.

Thirdly, Switzerland didn't get as much from the ref as I thought they would... could just be the ref unwilling to interfere too much as he let a the tackles fly in and, if truth be told, he should have booked a few more Swiss players as they were a bit 'over enthusiastic' at times. There were also a few 'benefit of the doubt' offside decisions; but, he didn't award them a penalty for handball which he could have done if there was any major bias. Also Alexander Frei is out for the tournament which is a big blow to them.

Today's matches:

Romania v France @ Zurich

Netherlands v Italy @ Berne

I don't want to call either of these games... too many factors involved – so maybe my cash might be best left in my account.

Romania are the underdogs of the group and will need to win this match if they want to make it through the group – simple as that. France have injuries... but this might work to the advantage of France by getting some younger, hungrier players involved. Flamini could replace Viera (advantage) and Henry might not be fit (no advantage) – Henry is clearly a physical wreck with his back and nerve problems but he can pull off some sublime moments when he's in the mood... but then again – that will depend on the formation and if it suits him. Romania have Mutu who may be distracted by the fact that he owes a Russian oligarch/gangster (who's not in the best of moods anyway) 7 million quid for snorting a few lines of cocaine and getting banned... he may be out to impress, make amends – so could go either way. France also have the disadvantage of having a nutcase for a manager – apparently, he reckons that, Leo's don't make good defenders but make great captains. Firstly Astrology is utter bollocks. Secondly Gallas is a Leo (great defender and captain) as is Henry (shit defender and captain) – they share the same birthday so I'll hear none of that 'oh but Saturn was rising in your anus' shite either... bonkers!

France advantages: Experienced squad, world class individual talent, arrogance.
France disadvantages: Fitness (average age), motivation, bonkers manager.

Romania advantages: Fitness (average age), motivation (career).
Romania disadvantages: Lack of confidence.

Make your own mind up… I think, depending on the French squad selection/injuries, it might be worth sticking a quid on Romania to squeak it by a goal - 2-1, if only for the long odds... you could mitigate the risk (on a quid) with a counter (more likely) bet – but I wouldn't want to get involved. My advice is, if you must bet, go for a low stake wildcard and watch France closely to get an idea as to how they might progress.

As for Netherlands Vs Italy... hmmm. Well – Italy were never a team to come out of the blocks firing on all cylinders, they will want to play the Italian game and drag it into the second half before going for it – so might be worth getting on HT/FT with that in mind... although they will be playing 4-3-3 which might prove awkward for them. Netherlands will try and get first blood early in this – they are out-classed so the first goal will be an all-important milestone to them – like Romania, if they lose, that could be it. Italy, in return, will be looking to finish strong. Should prove for a good match!

I would call Italy – but only by a goal – maybe HT/FT - Draw/Italy. Nah – fuckit, save your cash until you see what Italy are bringing to the table. The Dutch will be a good test for them.

Again please take whatever you like from my random stabs in the dark – I only do this because I'm waiting for the season to start again and I'm bored. Also writing here (i.e. slapping my nads on the table for public scrutiny) helps me work out where my cash isn't going as most of my bets are low stakes high risk/return... I'm well up at the moment – but I'll give you odds of 1.85 that I'll be a down by the end of the tournament.

Any takers? Heh.

If you want a more informed opinion; you can get betting advice from a more reliable source (Google – "Dietrological"), those boys analyse this shit until it vanishes... if, unlike me, you've got fat wads of cash to splash – then be sure to splash it wisely!

Love will tear us appart, again

Right, here we go again – Euro 2008 has landed, or will land, at the weekend.

Ok – well, who will you support?

The BBC has been banging on at me to pick a team to get me interested in the whole thing so let’s have a look at this logically:

Cesc Fabregas - Spain,
Robin van Persie - Netherlands,
William Gallas - France,
Philippe Senderos, Johan Djourou, - Switzerland
Lukasz Fabianski - Poland
Jens Lehmann – Germany

So – with a total of two Arsenal players, Switzerland it is... and Russia as I got them in the sweepstake at work.

Although – to be honest you I’ll be supporting whoever I’ve got my money on at the time – cash is the great equaliser of loyalties... Just ask Flamini!

Talking which... I hear that AC Milan are to be given a place in next seasons CL... now call me a cynical old cunt if you like but this stinks of Berlusconi influencing UEFA in a way that only a Mafioso billionaire can. Let me explain:

CSKA Sofia in the Bulgarian league had a CL place in the bag – but unfortunately had a few financial difficulties (no billionaire sugar daddy) and were banned from the competition. Normally this would mean that Levski Sofia would get the place... but NO – despite constant bitching from UEFA about smaller teams from smaller leagues breaking into CL football they look set to change the rules to allow the next ‘highest ranked’ UEFA team in – oh, and that just happens to be AC Milan.

Strange that.

Think Liverpool finishing 5th and getting in at the expense of Everton due to a rule change – oh wait, that happened. They also got the most dodgy-as-fuck decisions to cruise through to the semis at our expense.

Let’s get back to AC Milan – who by the way have just started an outrageous tapping up campaign of players via the media (including Adebayor) – this is the same AC Milan that were banned from the CL in 2006 due to match fixing... a ruling that they successfully appealed against and then went on to ‘win’ the competition.

Bullshit.

Now we have Porto, banned for precisely the same offence for next seasons CL (supplying whores and envelopes stuffed with cash to the primates in the black)… Could this be a backup in case they fail to rob Levski Sofia of their place – or will they do that anyway and maybe get another Italian team in the back door? Can you imagine – six Italian teams in the CL – how’s that for redistribution of CL places to lower leagues eh? As Blatter said rules can be changed to suit your agenda... but then again – he’s just a fat cunt.

Back to business – the Eurovision Soccer Contest. Where’s your cash going to go? Well – wherever it is, consider this. A new ball is in place that’s a swervey and slippery beast and benefits being lamped from outside the area. Randomising factor #1. The shit teams will be belting them – I’ll watch the weekend’s games with interest as to how that pans out:

Saturday 7 June 2008
18:00 Switzerland Vs Czech Republic
20:45 Portugal Vs Turkey

Sunday 8 June 2008
18:00 Austria Vs Croatia
20:45 Germany Vs Poland

I’m going to stick my neck out and say that they probably won’t be high scoring fixtures… let’s say that Switzerland will be playing at home so they might be up for it and nick a goal early, defend it and get beat in the second half... although the refs might be favourable to the nation that keeps all their bank accounts secret – so maybe a draw.

Portugal v Turkey looks like a lively fixture – I’m looking forward to this one, although this early in the contest neither team is going to want to knock their pipes out... but, equally, a loss for either team will be unacceptable. Portugal are superior on paper – but how will they play as a team?

Austria Vs Croatia – Croatia I reckon simply because Austria are shit.

Germany Vs Poland – Germany to win by 2.

Take my random guesses or leave them – but this early on keep all bets low until you get a feel for the playing conditions and the new ball - Happy hunting!

Things are going to slide, slide in all directions

Is it really only June - man; I'm so bored, when is the season going to start again..?

There’s always Euro 2008 – but, well – I’ve never really enjoyed that competition since 1996. That was the last time I thought we were really in with a shout. Since then it’s always been inevitable that we wouldn’t win – and now we aren’t even in it and even if we were, we still wouldn’t win it.

Talking of which, I actually met Terry Venables shortly after Euro 96 in the infamous Scribes night club. This bloke I knew was a sports psychologist for the England team (he advised against the Southgate penalty) and got us in... Gazza was passed out in a sink full of sick in the bogs; I walked passed him and sidled up to the adjacent urinal to El Tel, whipped it out and as my lager fuelled stream hit the porcelain; I told him he had a nice place and that he gave the nation back some hope in the game with Euro 96.

(I was pissed)

He said that hearing that sort of thing from the members of the public made it all worth while.

(He was pissed)

He shook his old fellah off, zipped it up, washed off his hands in the sink next to the mumbling Gazza and left him there like it was the most normal thing in the world.

...That’s what playing for Spurs does for you I suppose...

When I got out, after gingerly poking Gazza a few times to try and wake him up, he was up on the karaoke machine singing ‘That Old Black Magic’. I followed it up with ‘It’s Not Unusual’ and blew him off the stage.

Take that El Tel you Tottenham scumbag!

I wonder what ever happened to Gazza... and what is it with footballers and addiction? Does it come with the pressure of fame or do they just have the compultion to excel in whatever they are good at... be that playing football, drinking away their lives or gambling away their financial security?

It's not all glamour.

[30/05/2008 13:49:04] dhjackal says: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/m/man_city/7427380.stm
[30/05/2008 13:49:10] dhjackal says: they're fucked
[30/05/2008 13:49:28] dhjackal says: he's their best player
[30/05/2008 13:49:39] DogFace says: They were fucked the second Thaskin took over.
[30/05/2008 13:49:56] DogFace says: Relegation next season?
[30/05/2008 13:50:07] dhjackal says: no
[30/05/2008 13:50:10] dhjackal says: unfortunately
[30/05/2008 13:50:22] dhjackal says: the 3 teams coming up are going straight back down
[30/05/2008 13:50:30] DogFace says: No manager, no captain and a loony at the wheel?
[30/05/2008 13:50:48] dhjackal says: still better than stoke, west brom and hull
[30/05/2008 13:51:10] DogFace says: Come on - West Brom would give them a run :)
[30/05/2008 13:51:19] dhjackal says: Mmmm
[30/05/2008 13:51:55] DogFace says: It depends on what happens to Thaskin - if he gets into shit in Thailand then they are fucked.
[30/05/2008 13:52:28] DogFace says: If Air Asia stops sponsoring the refs then they are fucked.
[30/05/2008 13:52:42] DogFace says: So - they are on shaky ground.
[30/05/2008 13:53:23] DogFace says: I would hate to be a City fan.
[30/05/2008 13:54:21] DogFace says: Are you selling Ronaldo then?
[30/05/2008 13:55:31] dhjackal says: no
[30/05/2008 13:55:35] DogFace says: I would for the cash that's on offer... he’s not worth that much - unless you can get more out of him through ‘media rights’?
[30/05/2008 13:55:40] DogFace says: ...shirt sales...
[30/05/2008 13:55:43] DogFace says: etc.
[30/05/2008 13:55:50] dhjackal says: typical Arsenal mentality
[30/05/2008 13:56:03] dhjackal says: got a good player
[30/05/2008 13:56:06] dhjackal says: i know
[30/05/2008 13:56:08] dhjackal says: sell him
[30/05/2008 13:56:14] DogFace says: That's exactly what we DON'T do.
[30/05/2008 13:56:31] dhjackal says: No?
[30/05/2008 13:56:35] DogFace says: Although some players are greedy and chase the $.
[30/05/2008 13:57:33] dhjackal says: A job's a job
[30/05/2008 13:57:44] dhjackal says: if your employer isn't prepared to pay you enough
[30/05/2008 13:57:48] dhjackal says: you leave
[30/05/2008 13:57:51] dhjackal says: like most things
[30/05/2008 13:57:56] DogFace says: Typical Man-u mentality!
[30/05/2008 13:58:05] dhjackal says: fortunately we can compete at every level
[30/05/2008 13:58:12] dhjackal says: both on and off the pitch
[30/05/2008 13:58:13] DogFace says: A vocation and a job are different things.
[30/05/2008 13:58:29] DogFace says: You spend - yes, I'll give you that.
[30/05/2008 13:58:35] DogFace says: money, money, money
[30/05/2008 13:58:43] DogFace says: ...but is it sport?
[30/05/2008 13:58:53] DogFace says: :^)
[30/05/2008 13:58:57] dhjackal says: isn't it sport?
[30/05/2008 13:59:01] DogFace says: Not really
[30/05/2008 13:59:03] dhjackal says: no?
[30/05/2008 13:59:08] DogFace says: Hmmm...
[30/05/2008 13:59:09] DogFace says: ...no.
[30/05/2008 13:59:10] dhjackal says: only cos you can't compete
[30/05/2008 13:59:13] DogFace says: hahah
[30/05/2008 13:59:25] DogFace says: *whatever*
[30/05/2008 13:59:32] dhjackal says: champions
[30/05/2008 13:59:38] dhjackal says: champions of europe
[30/05/2008 13:59:45] dhjackal says: U
[30/05/2008 13:59:47] dhjackal says: N
[30/05/2008 13:59:47] dhjackal says: T
[30/05/2008 13:59:48] dhjackal says: I
[30/05/2008 13:59:48] dhjackal says: E
[30/05/2008 13:59:50] dhjackal says: D
[30/05/2008 14:00:08] dhjackal says: We won the league by being better than everyone else
[30/05/2008 14:00:23] DogFace says: Sport has rules that are followed otherwise you are disqualified.
[30/05/2008 14:00:23] dhjackal says: you didn't
[30/05/2008 14:00:24] dhjackal says: cos your not
[30/05/2008 14:00:51] DogFace says: Your team cheated because they are too shit to win a competition by the rules.
[30/05/2008 14:01:07] dhjackal says: now now
[30/05/2008 14:01:10] DogFace says: It’s more business than sport.
[30/05/2008 14:01:15] dhjackal says: C
[30/05/2008 14:01:16] DogFace says: C
[30/05/2008 14:01:17] dhjackal says: H
[30/05/2008 14:01:18] DogFace says: H
[30/05/2008 14:01:18] dhjackal says: A
[30/05/2008 14:01:19] DogFace says: E
[30/05/2008 14:01:20] dhjackal says: M
[30/05/2008 14:01:20] DogFace says: A
[30/05/2008 14:01:20] dhjackal says: P
[30/05/2008 14:01:21] DogFace says: T
[30/05/2008 14:01:21] dhjackal says: I
[30/05/2008 14:01:22] DogFace says: S
[30/05/2008 14:01:22] dhjackal says: O
[30/05/2008 14:01:23] dhjackal says: N
[30/05/2008 14:01:25] dhjackal says: S
[30/05/2008 14:01:50] dhjackal says: I seem to remember Pires diving every time someone touched him
[30/05/2008 14:01:54] dhjackal says: and cole
[30/05/2008 14:01:58] DogFace says: You have nothing to gloat about - nobody believes it anymore.
[30/05/2008 14:01:59] dhjackal says: and you talk about us cheating
[30/05/2008 14:02:06] DogFace says: ha ha ha
[30/05/2008 14:02:13] DogFace says: Is that what you call cheating?
[30/05/2008 14:02:13] dhjackal says: pot and kettle
[30/05/2008 14:02:17] DogFace says: HA – Seriously?
[30/05/2008 14:02:27] DogFace says: Is that what you call cheating?
[30/05/2008 14:02:27] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[30/05/2008 14:02:33] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[30/05/2008 14:02:34] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[30/05/2008 14:02:35] dhjackal says: CHAMPIONS
[30/05/2008 14:02:37] DogFace says: You ‘influence’ the officials – hardly the same as taking a dive... by the way – how many penalties did you get this season?
[30/05/2008 14:02:40] dhjackal says: get used to hearing it
[30/05/2008 14:02:45] DogFace says: That's proper cheating!
[30/05/2008 14:02:51] dhjackal says: we'll be singing it at the airport soon
[30/05/2008 14:03:11] DogFace says: Why don't you all wank each other off at the same time?
[30/05/2008 14:03:23] DogFace says: ...because nobody else gives a shit.
[30/05/2008 14:03:29] dhjackal says: correction
[30/05/2008 14:03:35] dhjackal says: everyone else gives a shit
[30/05/2008 14:03:40] DogFace says: Really?
[30/05/2008 14:03:41] dhjackal says: including you
[30/05/2008 14:03:45] DogFace says: Not really.
[30/05/2008 14:03:47] dhjackal says: you just like to think you don't
[30/05/2008 14:03:52] dhjackal says: but you do
[30/05/2008 14:03:59] DogFace says: I give a shit that you are so deluded that you think I give a shit... is that the same thing?
[30/05/2008 14:04:04] dhjackal says: otw you wouldn't bother renewing you ST
[30/05/2008 14:04:11] DogFace says: And I give a shit about corruption in the game... what’s me renewing my season ticket got to do with your murky operation?
[30/05/2008 14:04:22] dhjackal says: yadda yadda yadda
[30/05/2008 14:04:25] dhjackal says: rant rant
[30/05/2008 14:04:27] DogFace says: Do I give a shit about man-u buying a trophy or two..?
[30/05/2008 14:04:28] DogFace says: ...no.
[30/05/2008 14:04:31] dhjackal says: we've been robbed
[30/05/2008 14:04:38] dhjackal says: we've been robbed again
[30/05/2008 14:04:43] dhjackal says: we were the best team
[30/05/2008 14:04:46] DogFace says: You give a shit that I don't believe and, it seems, that we play better football that you.
[30/05/2008 14:04:48] dhjackal says: yawn
[30/05/2008 14:04:55] DogFace says: ha ha
[30/05/2008 14:05:07] dhjackal says: -)
[30/05/2008 14:05:14] DogFace says: Now you know how everyone else feels when a man-u fan opens his mouth!
[30/05/2008 14:05:47] DogFace says: quite apt though... as you do need to wake up.
[30/05/2008 14:06:30] dhjackal says: (yawn)
[30/05/2008 14:07:41] DogFace says: Truth hurts?
[30/05/2008 14:12:37] DogFace says: Hey, check it out: One of England's most popular footballers - a Premier League star and England international - owes a staggering £1m in gambling debts. (Daily Express)
[30/05/2008 14:12:47] DogFace says: Hmmm....
[30/05/2008 14:12:52] DogFace says: ...wonder who that is?
[30/05/2008 14:13:35] dhjackal says: Owen?
[30/05/2008 14:14:10] DogFace says: Nah - he's too wiley.
[30/05/2008 14:14:51] DogFace says: Rooney?
[30/05/2008 14:15:43] dhjackal says: whatever
[30/05/2008 14:15:53] DogFace says: We all know he likes a flutter!
[30/05/2008 14:16:07] dhjackal says: so do 99.9% of other football players
[30/05/2008 14:16:08] DogFace says: He probably owes it to Owen (rofl)
[30/05/2008 14:16:40] DogFace says: Ahhh... "so do 99.9% of other football players" - the figure isn't that high but you are on the right track.
[30/05/2008 14:17:10] DogFace says: http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/46184/England-star-owes-bookies-1million
[30/05/2008 14:18:00] DogFace says: “Both names have been leaked to the Daily Express, together with a firm proviso that neither player is identified until bookies are given one more chance to retrieve their debts.”
[30/05/2008 14:18:15] dhjackal says: anyway it's up to them how they spend they're hard earned
[30/05/2008 14:18:23] DogFace says: WTF - I think the paper should just fucking report it if they know... rather than being the bookies heavies.
[30/05/2008 14:19:16] DogFace says: Actually - I don't think that they are allowed to bet on EPL games.
[30/05/2008 14:19:42] DogFace says: "he has splashed out on crucial games in both the Premier League and the Champions League"
[30/05/2008 14:21:16] DogFace says: Shame it wasn't mid season - otherwise he could have just 'got himself sent off' or scored an own goal or something similar.
[30/05/2008 14:21:42] DogFace says: If England were in the European Championships I bet the bookies would be his best mate rather than threatening to out him!
[30/05/2008 14:22:17] dhjackal says: maybe
[30/05/2008 14:23:16] DogFace says: “All I’m prepared to say is that I’m aware of one bookmaker who has taken big bets from both these players. One of them owes a lot of money – around £1m. Maybe a bookmaker will end up taking him to Tattersalls Committee, who settle horse-racing betting disputes of this nature.

“I’d be disappointed to see it going that far, as he’s such a big name in football, and it could cause him no end of problems.

“The other player owes in the region of £100,000, but he’s also proving difficult to pin down.”
[30/05/2008 14:23:33] DogFace says: man - this is a big story! Why isn't it all over all the papers?
[30/05/2008 14:24:32] DogFace says: All we got is shit about John Terry being really fabulous and brave and... whatever.
[30/05/2008 14:27:08] dhjackal says: they're both shit stories
[30/05/2008 14:27:19] dhjackal says: John Terry is a whinging cunt
[30/05/2008 14:27:35] dhjackal says: and this one about the player owning money is just rubbish
[30/05/2008 14:27:41] dhjackal says: i could have made it up
[30/05/2008 14:30:48] DogFace says: Anyone could have made it up as it's so likely to be true... if anything I reckon that half a dozen players owe this much and this is an effort to scare the lot into coughing up.
[30/05/2008 14:31:19] dhjackal says: maybe
[30/05/2008 14:31:36] dhjackal says: it'll only take him 10 weeks to pay it
[30/05/2008 14:32:21] DogFace says: Well - there is tax to be taken into consideration and the funding of whatever lifestyles they choose to lead...
[30/05/2008 14:33:17] DogFace says: ...if owed 3 months wages to the bookies then I would have to concede that I had a problem.
[30/05/2008 14:35:09] DogFace says: Actually - if I owed a day’s wages to the bookies then I would be taking a long hard look at my gambling habits.